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This topic is for sharing experiences of pregnancy choices; to debate the ethics of termination, visit our Politics or Chat forums.

Pregnancy choices

pregnant and dont want to be

5 replies

Hoglife · 31/08/2023 09:16

im looking for someone to speak to and to just listen to me.
I found out 3 weeks ago i was pregnant, completely unplanned. when i found out i was 7 weeks and 6 days. Last week me and my partner decided a termination was for the best. We was suppose to collect the pills yesterday only for them to scan me and say im 10 weeks and 2 days which i really dont see how. My last period was 23rd June which i should be now 9 weeks and 6 days. i cant have the pills now and im absolutely devastated. Now my partner doesnt want to go through with it as by the time i have the surgical i would be 13 weeks. I dont want people to comment that its my choice and my body because i know that but i still have to consider his feelings. We dont agree on this, i want a termination because we still live at home with our parents, we have NO money and by no money i literally mean nothing at all, and we are in debt. i feel like im being responsible and reasonable, how can we bring a baby into the world with no money and nowhere to even live? but he just says 'itll work itsself out' how?! unless we win the lottery, money isnt just going to turn up. He has been so supportive from the start when deep down i know he wants to keep it but hes gone along with it all for my sake until yesterday when he changed his mind. I feel depressed, lonely and angry. i either go through with a termination and break my partners heart, or keep a baby that i dont want yet and have nothing to give it. This is all ruining my relationship and i cant see a way out of it where nobody gets hurt. i just want someone to talk to.

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ZZGirl · 31/08/2023 11:52

You've listened to him but it's YOUR choice. Your body, your choice and he's going to have to respect that. Your reasons are completely justified and you sound very certain that you're making the right decision.
Best of luck x

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auroralawson · 31/08/2023 12:59

How old are you? I think this is quite an important thing to consider before moving further.
What do you mean by having no money whatsoever? Do you or your partner have a job? Do you think the parents could be of help?

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Hoglife · 31/08/2023 14:55

We're both 26. We have jobs but no savings and we owe a lot of debt. Theres no way our parents can help and we cant move in to eachothers houses. I dont see how in 6 and a half months we can save for a house, a baby and pay our debt off.

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auroralawson · 31/08/2023 16:28

Hoglife · 31/08/2023 14:55

We're both 26. We have jobs but no savings and we owe a lot of debt. Theres no way our parents can help and we cant move in to eachothers houses. I dont see how in 6 and a half months we can save for a house, a baby and pay our debt off.

I understand that you're in a difficult position. But from what I read I see that you are in doubt :( As your partner is. And it might seem you will feel relieved after the abortion, but the fact is that you might not. And many people don't think about the latter. This is not force you into something. I just want you to really think again before taking any action. Go for it only if you are 100% sure you are not in the best position to become a parent right now. Focus on yourself, not your partner right now.

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wdmzsul · 07/09/2023 10:04

It seems like if you are financially able to support the baby, you'd have kept it - ie emotionally it's a Yes keep the baby but rationally it's more of a No.

I know there are government support for housing and monthly stipend - is this something you two qualify for?

I think at minimum you'd need 1k a month for a baby? Would you need to save for college fund? Would you want to take your kids on holidays. Would having the baby also mean your current life style being impacted. Do you get maternity leave?

If you decide to keep it - I think it'd work out as you have a partner that would share the load + humans are resilient and resourceful. If you decide to not keep it, it'd also be fine - you are young and have lots of time ahead of you.

I'd also think of worse case scenario just so you are also prepared - even though chance of worse case is likely low - but never 0.

If I were in your situation, I wouldn't keep it - and that's mostly because I think financially stability is super important and relying on unknown is too much uncertainty. And when I was 26, I was working abroad, traveling a ton, living the life - and having a kid then would mean sacrificed. I actually broke up with a bf at that time as I took a dream job abroad - so I was definitely living the 'Me' first life. Our life are completely different so don't think too much about my opinion - just sharing this so you have a fruit of thought of how different people would have made different choices.

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