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Pregnancy choices

This topic is for sharing experiences of pregnancy choices; to debate the ethics of termination, visit our Politics or Chat forums.

To anyone who needs this - ABORTION HELP IF YOU CHANGE YOUR MIND

13 replies

Forgiveness · 26/08/2023 15:28

I want to create this in order to help as many women as I can.
since having my abortion 4 weeks ago, to going through the absolute hell of my decision and regret. I have been doing much research and want this to be known to women as I was very mislead, some may say I was lied to.
I took the first pill and instantly regretted it. I rang NUPAS three times for advice as I didn’t want to terminate, and I wanted to change my mind and keep the baby! But was told by three nurses “NOTHING CAN BE DONE, TO CONTINUE TO TERMINATE”
I mentioned I heard about ARP and they said it wasn’t in the uk and it was banned!
which I now found out was complete LIES!
there is a pill to reverse the first pill, it just gives you the hormones you need as the first one blocks the hormones. However many women have in fact still had a baby without the ARP which I’ve only found out after. When they told me there was nothing they could be done
I didn’t believe them, my instinct kicked in and the next morning I went to A&E, a gynaecologist told me I would more likely be ok than not.
so I left and felt so happy. The next day I woke up feeling the fear and panic again, and thought about If things weren’t ok by taking the first pill, as the nurses at nupas told me I would likely miscarry. Even though the hospital told me different, the seed they planted of fear crept in.
I kept thinking of the worst and about getting to 12 weeks to be told it wasn’t ok, and then thinking of having a surgical abortion after the news of it not being ok and would then only cause more trauma to myself, from one taking the first pill to then going surgical, that panic really took over and I forgot about the possibility of EVERYTHING BEING OK! How I could let fear override the happiness I felt of coming out A&E. unfortunately that evening I realised that night would be 48 hours and I would of needed to complete the second stage within a few hours if so.
I completely convinced myself to do it even though I didn’t want to, I had to force myself to take the next stage. Because I kept thinking it wouldn’t be ok if I kept it, and the thought of surgical would have damaged me more. I was WRONG! 💔 I saw everything my baby was there after the most horrendous event of pain and being at home, to seeing everything in detail was where I really lost my mind. Nobody told me I would see my baby, nobody told me it was more than a heavy period. It was horrific.
since then I have been signed off work with severe depression froM the regret and guilt. I really was so scared and panicked I didn’t know myself looking back I was out of my mind.
since finding out that I should of been advised about the ARP as it’s available with many doctors in England, I could of saved my baby. The clinics lie to you, they don’t support you. They just want you to do the policy and terminate.
they don’t care really about the mh side as nobody told me so many factors to abortion.
its played down so much. Yes abortion can be good for many women. But they do not speak enough about the negative impact it has.
or even having something in place for women who do change their mind, advise on ARP or advise on the mental health affects, they should want to help women either way, to terminate or keep. But it seems it only one way. I just want to help as many women I can, because the grief and pain I feel now if only i knew the stuff I do now, I’m hoping this can help some women. You’re highly hormonal and driven by fear, If you’re reading this as you are not confident in your choice and feel you’re forcing yourself DONT DO IT! Listen to your inner self and instinct, unfortunately I didn’t and wish I could do anything to turn back time.
xx

OP posts:
Castform · 26/08/2023 23:23

Who told you that an abortion reversal pill is available on the UK?

I'm sorry, but if you've been lied to I don't think it was by NUPAS.

https://doctorsforchoiceuk.com/abortion-reversal-pill

Have you asked them for counselling?

Abortion reversal pill — Doctors for Choice / UK

https://doctorsforchoiceuk.com/abortion-reversal-pill

Forgiveness · 29/08/2023 15:05

It is available, many women on here have shared stories of it.
nupas 1000% lied, and continue to do so… read the stories for yourself. I’m not alone, and something needs to change

OP posts:
Castform · 29/08/2023 15:39

Do you have a link to any of these stories?

ginandtonicwithlimes · 29/08/2023 21:35

Sounds like a sneaky pro life thread.

chmod777 · 29/08/2023 23:00

ginandtonicwithlimes · 29/08/2023 21:35

Sounds like a sneaky pro life thread.

If it is then its a particularly horrible way to go about it.

Forgiveness · 30/08/2023 02:03

If you search on here, at the abortion regret posts or change of mind. I found a few, there was one posted a few days ago.
believe me it’s real. im
posting this because I want to help
women like me who didn’t know the help which was there.

OP posts:
Castform · 30/08/2023 11:57

https://www.rcog.org.uk/news/no-reputable-evidence-for-progesterone-use-in-abortion-reversal-say-medical-organisations/

There is no evidence that any kind of ARP works. Sorry but if you were told its too late it was for a good reason.

ginandtonicwithlimes · 30/08/2023 16:18

chmod777 · 29/08/2023 23:00

If it is then its a particularly horrible way to go about it.

Just looks to me like a post to put women off the procedure.

Forgiveness · 30/08/2023 17:36

Call Rachel’s vineyard they will tell you. They told me about ARP
And look at the recent post a lady posted a few days ago regarding the first pill she’s now fine.
and has also confirmed being lied to!
defo not a way to put people off!! This is my story and I want to help women!
I’m all about free choice, terminations can be a good choice for some women, I had one when I was 20 and it was right for me. But now with mental health issues, it’s very different now I’m older and many women have gone through this same regret and grief

OP posts:
Castform · 30/08/2023 18:53

Forgiveness · 30/08/2023 17:36

Call Rachel’s vineyard they will tell you. They told me about ARP
And look at the recent post a lady posted a few days ago regarding the first pill she’s now fine.
and has also confirmed being lied to!
defo not a way to put people off!! This is my story and I want to help women!
I’m all about free choice, terminations can be a good choice for some women, I had one when I was 20 and it was right for me. But now with mental health issues, it’s very different now I’m older and many women have gone through this same regret and grief

As has been pointed out, there is no scientific evidence that any kind of ARP works. AFAIK it's not prescribed anywhere in the UK. If Rachel's vineyard - who are an American pro-life group and not a medical organisation - are telling people otherwise that's deeply irresponsible.

Tcr1987 · 30/08/2023 19:33

Yeah I wouldn’t trust anyone offering progesterone in the UK and the only place I’ve seen it offered is via pro-life sites in the US. There’s also at least one regular pro-lifer on this forum offering this kind of advice and fear-mongering.

Sounds like pretty solid advice you got from the staff at A&E and I’m really sorry your mental health struggles didn’t allow you to believe it. This is very genuine, I had a medical abortion myself for what would have been my third child and felt immediate regret. I’d say that’s due to my existing mental health issues (extreme anxiety) rather than it being the wrong decision. I would have not taken the second set of pills and would’ve have tried to continue with the pregnancy if it weren’t for my health anxiety, thinking there’d be something wrong with the baby. I know lots of women go on to have healthy pregnancies but that just wasn’t an available thought for me at the time, and I also spent two torturous weeks reaching the decision in the first place so trusted in that process too I guess.

A year on it’s still a struggle at times but what I regret the most is getting pregnant accidentally in the first place, rather than regretting the abortion itself.

I feel for you and I hope you find some peace with your decision and some counselling/ help with your mental health.

Forgiveness · 31/08/2023 02:55

@Tcr1987 nobkdy understand mh side to it, but so many women have been here like us. I’m just trying to heal each day. But also hard when you’ve chose to make a decision you later regret 💔 however i do believe in everything happening for a reason, and if there’s no ARP I’ve seen and witnessed women continue without it anyway so it’s hard knowing I was so close and then panicked again, as clinic said many times nothing else can be done but compete the termination 😢 they could at least advise people if they do change their mind, that yes there maybe risks but you’ll get risks with anything, so to offer some comfort and guide if you change your mind. It seems to be so black and white. That’s the hardest part, because a comfort would of been nice. Some slight positive in that all could well have been fine. But unfortunately it wasn’t the case

OP posts:
Saskia2023 · 08/09/2023 09:43

Whilst prostergone is generally not available in the UK (and there is mixed evidence anyway), there is inconsistent advice from providers about the impact of taking the first pill and then experiencing regret and wanting to try and stop the process. Some providers say you can then stop the process and wait and see and some don't. I think that is what the poster is saying- staff in the same clinics will give you different information. The evidence appears to be that about 50% of pregnancies can survive the first pill (there may be differences depending on gestrational stage with more likely things being ok if you are a bit later on) and there is rarely any affects on the foetsus (despite what some providers may say). So if you have regret about the first pill and not sure whether you want to continue you can take the chance and not carry on and see what then happens. Albiet its more uncertainty. So I regretted after the first pill and the clinician at the NHS service said i could wait and see- unfortuantely I still lost the baby but i was early on so who knows what may have happened. But it does cause you more grief in some ways as you think you may have a second chance and are praying for a miracle. I am a health care researcher and spent copious amounts of time after reading academic papers. Its a shame that providers cannot provide consistent advice on this so women who realise that perhaps they didn't want to go ahead have the choice about what they then do e.g wait and see or carry on the process accepting had started the process. However, obviously the best thing is to access counselling before terminating so you feel at peace with your decision or can at least process why you did it- which will always be my biggest regret that i ddnt do this! x

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