Abortion regret

[Tclm]

Dont know where to start if you start to think im the worst human to walk this earth while reading this then you cant at all feel more disappointed disgusted than i do in myself..
so fount out i was pregnant at the time was about 4 weeks i felt scared happy more really financially worried but other than that fine thinking of ways to tell my other two children 12&8 didn’t tel anyone though was only me an my partner that knew he was happy too, few weeks went by seen my midwife got my maternity pack scan date and next midwife appointment. And then someone just hit a massive fear I couldn’t stop crying when we joked with the kids about another baby they hated the idea they loved it just been the 4 of us as its been like that for 8 years that scared my partner he didn’t want to upset the kids so then his mind changed he didn’t want them feeling pushed out so it was like as soon as my partners mindset changed mine did and all i could think about was get rid get rid. I cried and cried i felt connected to this baby sounds silly it wa like i had no choice eveything was against us there wa no positives about having a 3rd child who would look after the baby while i went back to work , i struggle with money now how could i afford another child, ( an how i feel now all that should have been the last things on my mind) so i rang bpas i was at my last day for the pills i got them yesterday took the first one and the last lot today and passed my baby I absolutely feel gutted im the worst person in the world now im thinking if id have told people and had someone to talk to then maybe someone could of talked me out of it and give me some positives about it that is a huge regret not telling anyone i wish i could turn back time and i will live with this for the rest of my life, but how could i ever have another child now knowing what i did to that one

You are not alone, 4 weeks today since mine. And it’s no easier. But if you’ve read all the stories like I have on here, of hundreds of women who have done the exact same thing. Fear and panic based driven decision… who regret deeply, and suffered major mh issues.. you are most definitely not alone. Not the first and will not be the last by any shot.. nobody tells us so many negatives about it, it’s dressed up in fact. Made out to be so easy and normal, when in fact there is a dark side to it all. Nobody warned me about the depression and the affect afterwards. I know that feeling of what have I done. And how did I even do that, when all you feel now is regret and want to take it back. Listening and reading many stories just like ours, has proven and comforted me in knowing how many of us go through this. But did anyone tell us that? No.
be gentle with yourself, don’t blame yourself for your emotions at that time.. you also was not just impacted by that, but from your partners and children so you thought of everyone too, which a mother would do. You thought at the time it was best. Hindsight is so true, but undoubtedly we never know this. And must learn only from this side as we would have not known. If we knew how we would feel, we would never do anything to impact on us mentally and physically. The ladies on here are a great support and I am sending you my prayers. Message if you need a chat. As I said it’s only been a month.. I’ve been signed off work and used this time to heal, it’s been horrific but everyday I keep telling myself about all the factors that played a part in my choice. Mainly fear and negativity. Go easy on yourself. Also check out Rachel’s vineyard and ARCH trust both abortion trusts that help women like us all. Xx

Thankyou so much for your response you don’t how much i needed it i feel like a ghost empty literally sat on toilet crying while blood jus drips out I definitely made the decision out if fear and a fast decision at that as i was 9+5 and i knew after these date i would need a surgical which i didn’t want can i ask what your reasoning was?

Aww I know how you feel darling my heart is broken. I’m up till 4am most days can’t sleep or eat much, mind racing over and feeling so lost and empty. im here to help honestly ❤️
My reasoning was panic,
fear like most women the thought my life is over, I can’t do this. Im
not ready, feeling depressed, worries about finances. Worried it won’t work,
It’s been 4 weeks today, and I wish I could say it got easier 💔 i saw everything too and that broke me completely, with the regret of everything and being told to continue the pregnancy after I panicked and didn’t want to take the rest and the clinic said three times to terminate even though I didn’t want to, to then seeing it and having to deal with that.
I have found comfort in a few things, not sure if this will resonate with many.. but I’m very spiritual and believe more than anything we are spirit not the flesh.. If you look up the book spirit babies by Walter makichen the chapter on abortion, it really helped me.
to understand the spiritual side, and soul contracts. I’ve showed this to a few women now and they have found comfort from it.
I also have been seeing a clairvoyant for over 10 years, the same lady who has never ever not been right. today I had a reading, and I was already going in with the intention to get a message from my baby. I won’t go into too much detail, but it was mind blowing. Some maybe skeptics about this, but the things she has told me over the past 10 years are things only I would know. She’s honestly no joke, it has really helped me today because my baby came through and told me things I needed to heal.
it may sound crazy to some, and I use to be like that too. But since diving into my spirituality and having a medium in my life for 10 years has really helped me through my darkest times.
look at soul contracts in abortion, you’ll make your own judgment if it resonates with all you strong beautiful women.
I was and still am in a very dark place.. even suicidal at points.
especially as I regretted it after the first, didn’t want to proceed as I read up some women are fine after the first pill, to then act in fear and panic as the clinic failed me, not supported me. To realise that now, I wasn’t in my Right mind with mh issues.
we are human, good people.. who don’t and wouldn’t go to intentionally hurt anyone or ourselves.so if we had of known the outcome would be full of regret and grief, would we do it? No! So please take time to understand like I have while being signed off for the past 6 weeks, havinf time to go over and over it. Torturing myself. It doesn’t get you anywhere, you need to find peace. I’m still looking for it, but I’ve found glimmers of hope.
especially after my reading today.
I know it’s not like that for us all, but if you do resonate with it.
plesse do some research and you’ll find so many answers.
plus I’ve also seen a dark side to the clinics and heard so many women share their sams story about being told to terminate and not advising us through the negatives about abortion. They dress it up so much, and make out like you can just continue back to normal after it. The pain from the pills were horrific and the image of seeing my baby will never leave. But understanding now more than I did then. Is we are spirit not the flesh. Your babies WILL come back to you, but only if you chose that or course.
abortions, have a good side don’t get me wrong.
I had one at 20 and do not regret it. But now I’m 34 no kids and with the love of my life, it’s very hard as it’s all I’ve ever wanted.
I’ve read women like me who’s planned it and still went into panic mode and irrationally terminated.
its like we are not really us, we are highly hormonal, issues with fear and panic. And lack of guidance and support, being told it’s so easy and you’ll be “fine” after. Is what lead us to make such a life changing choice in a matter of weeks. There’s so many factors to it. And I’ve been trolling the internet and I can only see one major issue, the lack of support and awareness for the darker side is unknown. We need a hand to hold, and it’s not there. So I find comfort in knowing we aren’t alone, we aren’t the only ones who has made this irrational choice which we now regret. We’ve been lead to believe it’s so easy. So please be gentle, im here for anyone who needs ir. Because these last four weeks have been torture, I’ve sat and just chain smokes for 4 weeks sitting in my room where it all happened 💔and the memories,
eberyrhinr seems so dark right now but we must find the fight.
I’m sending all my love to you and here any time be strong and find the light in you to keep going, you aren’t a bad person. Like many of us, we didn’t have those tools to
cope. All I’ve read on here are the same stories, different women. Same pain and regret. Don’t think you’re alone because you are not xxx

I'm in a similar position as you, but not had the abortion yet I'm so worried as to what todo for the best iv had to appointments and not gone through with it and rebooked in for next week i was a total mess and couldnt bring myself to do it... my emotions are every where and im thinking and worrying about everything the kids money ect how to juggle work and lots more, I already have two kids and I struggle to conceive naturally, I was prescribed chlomid with both pregnancy they where both planned,, split up from baby daddy years ago got a new partner and iv found out about 6 weeks ago I'm pregnant naturally so still in shock!!! New partner wants baby but his only child is grown up now high school age, my two are both in primary school, I just don't know what todo

Have you managed to access any counselling to talk through your decision? the fact you keep backing out makes me think you want it. its important you think about your heart but also how you may feel after the abortion. are you someone who is at peace with your decisions and gets on with it? or someone who generally regrets and questions their decisions? many people are happy with their termination decision however there are some of us who are devastated. i think for me was no one talks about the emotional process nor that things go back to how they were- it will always be part of you- for some women its a tiny part of their history that they dont even think about for others its an all consuming grief or you may be something in between. but have a think about what you may feel like. there's resources online that can help with the decision making. many people are scared when pregnant espcially when its unplanned but its somewhat natural as is a life changing event. but its a hard decisions you can ever make and each option is full of uncertainty- you will never know which was the right path as such x

Dont do it if your going back and forth with your decision dont do it tell people your pregnant get help its all what ifs an
all a baby want is love they dont care about about money iv realised that now honestly worst decision iv ever made still going frew it now 4 week later cant sleep nite sweat’s anxiety attacks never regretted someone so much in my life

Thank you so much for sharing this . I'm 3 weeks post abortion I am 37. Child dad wanted no part in the child's life and wouldn't help me financially either and I never challenged him on it . I was so hurt ! My dad left me for the first 20 years of my life and I suffered with anger and abandonment issues all my life because of it and never understood why he didn't love me ? . I had no job at the time and Childs dad wouldn't help financially or be in the child's life and my heart shattered . I know the rejection feeling of my dad not being around and it broke me to bring a kid into the world knowing their dad didn't want them and what that would do to my child and that's why I had the termination. But now I have major regret and think I could have been stronger I could have done it alone . Why didn't I challenge him more ! What if he changed his mind and he too was in shock ? And I absolutely panic thinking what have I done ?

Some days I feel like I'm going to die with the pain of regret. I keep praying every night and begging god to bring my baby girl back when I have a loving dad for her who will be so overjoyed to have her. I'm truly struggling and keep saying maybe may baby's soul also wasn't ready and maybe that's why but that she will come back to me one day ! I feel like it was a girl although. I don't know . I'm now 37 single and suffering wondering what if that was my last chance to have a baby . At the time I genuinely thought I was doing the right thing by my child ' I am so unbelievably broken inside i can't cope . I feel so alone as everyone keeps saying time is a healer ? I want to go back in time and take it back ! The pain is unbearable. If I knew it felt like think I would of never of done it xx

my heart really breaks for you- there are several of us on here who have been where you are in the aftermath. no one talks about how whilst some people are fine after the termination other people go through a real grief. it really was the worst period of my life- like you you just play everything through your mind wishing you had not make the decision. but i promise like any grief it will get less raw and not be all so consuming. in the mean time give yourself time allow yourself to grieve- its still very soon and the hormones are still leaving your body. access some support- ARCH charity run a helpline with people who have been where you are. and you have chances in future- im much older and went on to have another pregnancy. message any time as it can feel very isolating and plenty of people on here supported me. sending you lots of love x

Thank you so much Saskia my heart is shattered. For two days after it I lay on my floor absolutely begging god to let me be in the 2% of women that abortion failed for. I have never cried and screamed like it . Promised god I would turn my life over to him if he just let my baby survive the abortion some how. I know it sounds mad but I deeply regretted it the next day ! To make it worse all the tissue didn't pass so 3 times in total I have to redo the abortion pill to pass . Today I went the hospital for a scan to check had it all passed and I was terrified of a D&C and thankfully they said after my scan it passed . There was a nurse who looked after me so well and I had a rose quartz crystal I bought her as a gift to say thank you and as I held it in my hand walking to where she was I said to myself I'm going to give this to the nurse and I'm going to tell her the next time she sees me I'm going to be pregnant again with a healthy baby and a dad that loves me and the baby so much and as I said that a white feather slowly floated passed me . I took it as a sign and I cried so hard . I'm clutching at straw here but I'm just so broken inside . I pray I get my baby back ! The abortion clinic said once you take this your sick for a few days and you get your life back ! Yeah right ! Absolute lies I'm living in hell ! This is no life . Thank you for your reply it means so much ile keep you in my prayers tonight and please keep me in yours xxx

totally relate- that 24 hours after like you i kept praying that things were going to survive (i only took the first pill) and kept begging it to be my miracle so totally get it. i went to some crazy places in the aftermath. there is a complete lack of duty of care from the clinics that they dont warn people that some people can be mentally adversely affected. sounds so much more stressful the fact that you had to keep going back .please do message any time and make you access some support- charities like ARCH,Stillwater or the provider will offer post termination counselling xxx

I'm not in the UK and arch arch are for UK residents but thank you so much hun. I have a counselor since last week who I hope can help me . My biggest fear now with my age of almost 38 and not meeting a good partner to have children with on top of the guilt is driving me insane. I have to be strong and dig deep and some how remain positive about my future and that I will get my baby back again healthy with a great dad . Just now I'm the the depts of it. Thank you for sharing your story with me and helping me xx

You poor thing. Really feeling for you.

Worst feeling ever. Had the medical termination two days ago and am struggling so much. Have never felt so much regret in my life. I wish I could turn back time.

I'm so sorry @MirAnt im 2 months post and it gets easier. The hardest part was the first 2 weeks for sure . There is nothing I can say to make you feel better and my heart absolutely breaks for you . I'm seeing a counselor every week to help me. I promise you it will get easier and the regret will get easier. Be kind to yourself. If you need someone to talk to message me . There are some beautiful women on here who have helped me with their support xx

It helps to hear that it gets easier. It is hard to imagine that from where I am right now. It is a relief to be able to talk about it with others who have been or are going through the same thing.

You poor thing. I can really relate to your feelings. I have never felt such regret in my life. I had no idea it would be this hard. The feelings of self loathing are real. How could I have made this decision?

Sending love and strength. It is SO difficult. I too wish I had not made this decision. I keep thinking it was a blessing and for the fear of doing it alone and later in life I made the worst decision of my life.

My only advise is to be 100% sure of your decision. Once it is done you cannot go back and that can be devastating, which is what I am experiencing right now. Good luck!