Completely lost and confused

[Amarilloverde]

I feel really terrible for even questioning this, but I'm really struggling with finding the right answer for myself and my family.
I'm a sahm of four kids, two of whom are in school, and the other two are four and three. My fiance and I are getting married next month. We're so excited to grow old and raise our kids together. Well, lately I've been feeling a little off. I recognized the feeling pretty quickly and took a pregnancy test. And, it's positive.. I just don't know what to do. We have been so careful. I've been pregnant or caring for a baby most of our relationship and even though we love our kids more than anything, neither of us wanted to go through it again. My pregnancies were rough. Very sick the whole time, in constant pain, and so swollen that I couldn't do much at all. I don't know if I'm looking for reasons to keep this baby or reasons to justify not. I really have no idea what to do. I feel horrible. Can I even care for five kids? I don't know. Can I handle ending this pregnancy? I don't know. Maybe I just need some encouragement that it will be okay? Has anyone else been in my shoes and decided to keep your unplanned baby and aren't losing your mind with five kids? How do I even figure out what I really want to do? I'm so lost.. Sorry if this all sounds stupid and confusing. I'm going to tell my family eventually I just want some unbiased feedback first, I guess.

Maybe I just need some encouragement that it will be okay? – if you have these thoughts then it's probably it.

I had the same question and chose not to carry the pregnancy and now regret it a lot. We often think that we'd set ourselves free from a burden when choosing to abort, but the reality is that the mental pain could be much worse than the pregnancy sickness and other side effects. I'm not saying you should definitely go on with this pregnancy – just make sure you think carefully what you would feel if decide to make a different choice.

I wish you clarity to make the best decision for you and your family!

I think you should consider how a fifth child will impact the children you already have, and make your decision based on that.

It’s so difficult to balance the head and the heart. I think it’s very hard to go through with an abortion when you have children already or at least that is my experience.
Similar dilemma although I was very irresponsible but never the less I keep going around in circles.
I am 38 years old and 5 weeks pregnant. I found out at 4 weeks. It is my 3rd pregnancy other kids 2 and 4. The pregnancy was very unplanned and my husband thinks that is for the best that we have an abortion. He is very anxious about the health and development of the baby as we have had a summer with lot of drinking. We were in holidays in France where we drank wine every day, I smoked a few cigarettes each day too. This was all pre conception. In the weeks surrounding conception we were at family events/dinners/celebrations where we both were drinking fairly heavily. I drank a lot of wine over this summer period and smoked quite a bit. Haven’t since I found out. But is it worth risking our happy healthy family?