Please or to access all these features

Pregnancy choices

This topic is for sharing experiences of pregnancy choices; to debate the ethics of termination, visit our Politics or Chat forums.

Medical abortion guilt

15 replies

Anonymouswom · 10/08/2023 11:51

I don’t really know what I’m hoping to achieve by writing this but I am absolutely distraught and heartbroken from what I have done. I found out I was pregnant unexpectedly and about 6 1/2 weeks along which was even more of a shock as I had still had AF as normal. My husband had just lost one of his parents and we were all grieving and making arrangements so I just put the tiredness and emotions down to that, I only realised when I felt nauseous and it was constant. I was struggling to take care of my children or to do anything at all for weeks, so my husband had to take over my role aswell as his own. As soon as we found out he was against having another baby and said that if I continued I would be doing it on my own. I was very torn and would have appreciated a conversation rather than his initial response but I also appreciate that he was in shock and still grieving a huge loss himself. After a long week of debating we decided it was best to terminate the pregnancy. We already have two children And they have additional needs, a genetic duplication so the chances of baby having the same condition were very high although we would have had no way of knowing until baby was born. Physically and mentally I know I wouldn’t have been able to cope with another as our life is very stressful as it is with the children as they need constant care, and financially we would have struggled to support another especially if their needs were the same. I just can’t forgive myself even with all of that I feel horrendous. I had a medical abortion with tablets and I was about 8 weeks, friends that I had spoken to had told me what to expect and the clinic, however my experience was much more traumatic than I had anticipated and ended with the sack breaking and me seeing the foetus which has absolutely destroyed me mentally. I feel like it was punishment for what I have done and the decision I made, the guilt is destroying my soul and consuming my every thought. It doesn’t help that my husband has not been supportive on an emotional level at all, like he has no space for any more grief after his loss and I feel completely on my own in this. My family are supportive but the one person I need it from can’t give it to me. I have looked into counselling but I just think I’m never going to forgive myself. I had a termination at 17 surgically and I never got over it, although I feel I was pressured into that by my ex and this time
is even worse because it’s on my hands. I guess I’m just hoping for someone who’s had a similar experience who has any advice. I feel like the worst person in the world x

OP posts:
SiouxsieSiouxStiletto · 10/08/2023 13:39

I can totally understand it being traumatic but you made the decision with the information you had available at the time, and from what you've said it was possibly the right decision. You both sound like you have enough pressures on right now without adding a newborn with potential additional needs.

What help is your DH seeking for his grief? Has he requested grief counselling?

Anonymouswom · 10/08/2023 16:16

Thank you for replying, yes he is in counselling and we also see a therapist together for support in our family situation which has been helpful. I know in my head the decision was the right one for our family but my heart is just feeling guilt and grief I guess although I don’t feel I have any right to grieve given it was our decision it’s a weird one

OP posts:
Forgiveness · 10/08/2023 20:31

It’s been 2 weeks since mine at 8 weeks and the pain hasn’t left me whatsoever.
I send my heart out to you, because I know exactly what your going through x

Anonymouswom · 10/08/2023 21:36

Hi Forgiveness

I’m so sorry your going through this aswell and am sending you all my heartfelt virtual hugs. I’m here if you ever want to talk, I would never judge anyone the way I am judging myself right now x

OP posts:
Mummumgem · 10/08/2023 21:51

You’re grieving, for the lose of your in law and now for the lose of your baby. It doesn’t matter if it was at your hand, the grief is still very real. On top of that your body is a mess your hormones don’t know what’s going on, then to make matters worse, you have to shoulder it on your own.

i terminated a pregnancy, on the 3 of March 2003, it will stay with me forever. Like you I had 3 children one with special needs, we just couldn’t cope financially or physically or mentally. It was the right thing todo,

my advice is to allow yourself to grief, then when you’re ready move on 💐

Anonymouswom · 10/08/2023 23:07

Mummumgem thank you for your reply, I’m sorry you had to go through this also my heart goes out to you. You are right about the grieving and hormones being all over the place, thanks for your advice I will try to give myself the time and space I need to cope with all of this x

OP posts:
Tclm · 23/08/2023 23:50

Im going threw this right now today had my 2 dose of pills and passed my baby an too like you saw it 😔it was like I deserved to see that I deserved to see what i just did the guilt is eating at me please tell me it gets easier

Forgiveness · 24/08/2023 02:30

@Anonymouswom how are you feeling now love. Am here if you need a chat xx

Anonymouswom · 24/08/2023 13:53

@Tclm so sorry to hear your going through this too, to be honest it’s still on my mind constantly I’m just looking at my children thinking what if 😢 how are you feeling today? X

OP posts:
Anonymouswom · 24/08/2023 13:56

@Forgiveness thank you for checking in hun, I’m just a bit numb with everything I think. On one hand I know I wouldn’t have coped, but on the other I’m regretting my decision and looking at my children and wondering what could have been 😢 I feel so guilty x

OP posts:
Anonymouswom · 24/08/2023 13:57

@Forgiveness how are you feeling lovely? X

OP posts:
Tclm · 24/08/2023 14:11

Im the same like was all the panic really worth it would i have been fine all the worrys i had seems stupied and i made the fastest most wrong decision iv ever made im still crying all im seeing is people with babys just dont know of il ever be able to get pregnant again because the guilt will eat away at me like how could i have another child when I didn’t want that one i focused on negatives in stead of positives and i realy wish i had told someone so they could have talked me out of it, but i did it for the children i already have i was thinking about them an thats what mums do I suppose hopefully it gets easier

Forgiveness · 24/08/2023 20:03

I feel your pain, I am just a wondering ghost right now. I shared some bits on another post about what’s helped me and I’m not sure if it would help you. But if you have that spiritual side you’ll understand it more.
have a look at soul contracts and abortion, and look at the book spirit babies By Walter makinchen, the charter on abortion. It has really helped me. I’ve even had a reading yesterday from my lady I’ve been seeing for 10 years, she gave me so much comfort.
its just about finding ways to help you, sending you lots of love xx

Anonymouswom · 24/08/2023 20:54

@Tclm I feel you I thought I was making the right choice for my family going forward but it’s destroyed me mentally don’t think I will ever be able to forgive myself I hope it gets easier to live with this decision. Here if you need to chat xx

OP posts:
Anonymouswom · 24/08/2023 21:00

@Forgiveness ohh thank you very into spiritual things so I will hopefully find comfort in that too. Glad it’s helped you and the reading I was thinking of going to a spiritualist church just not sure I’m ready yet. Lots of love to you be kind to yourself xxxxx

OP posts:
New posts on this thread. Refresh page