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Pregnancy choices

This topic is for sharing experiences of pregnancy choices; to debate the ethics of termination, visit our Politics or Chat forums.

Unplanned Pregnancy - Advice Please

1 reply

Dollers985 · 15/07/2023 18:52

Hi everyone

I have just found out I am pregnant and I’m completely panicked about it. I have 3 living boys at home (10,8 & 5). I just don’t think I can go through with it for mental health reasons.

I lost my 3rd son to an unexplained stillbirth at 41 weeks in 2017. It was an utterly devastating and life changing time. I was pregnant again a few months later with son number 4. That pregnancy was absolute hell. I really suffered with PTSD during it and the fear and anxiety were off the charts. I was convinced until the end he would die too. He was born alive and healthy, but it really was the closest I’ve ever come to losing my sanity.
In 2020 I conceived again, but sadly we discovered at 20 weeks that baby had Triploidy and he was born at 22 weeks and lived for an hour. Another soul destroying time.
At that time I decided I was done and that I couldn’t go through anymore so we put the idea of having a 4th (living) child to bed.

Now I find myself pregnant again. I feel so so stupid. I really want my husband to have a vasectomy but this is a contentious issue. I would love a 4th, but I just don’t think it’s worth what I would have to sacrifice mentally for it. Every time I have to have a scan or step into a hospital it puts the fear of God into me. Hospitals completely trigger me and even pregnant women give me anxiety. My husband would like to proceed with the pregnancy, but will ultimately support my decision.
However, he thinks we will be punished in some way for it. I had an early termination in my early 20s when we were first going out and he thinks maybe everything that has happened us since was in some way because of that. I don’t know if I believe that, and it’s just his Catholic guilt creeping in, but I don’t want to live with the regret.
Can anyone share their termination stories and how they did or didn’t regret it?

OP posts:
Saskia2023 · 25/07/2023 22:43

i am sorry youve had such sad experiences and its no wonder you feel so stressed about this pregnancy. i would try and talk to an independent counsellor outside of you and your husband to process what you want. there are permental health teams and specialist midwives who could support you during pregnancy if you decided to continue. a counsellor will not just help you make a decision but also come up with action plans to cope with feelings after. BPAS and MSI offer counselling as do local pregnancy choices services. i hope you get support with making the hard decision x

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