My feed
Premium

Please
or
to access all these features

This topic is for sharing experiences of pregnancy choices; to debate the ethics of termination, visit our Politics or Chat forums.

Pregnancy choices

Pregnant from hookup - how do I make a decision?

8 replies

KittyMum9 · 12/07/2023 07:51

So bit of background - im 22 and going into my second year of university. I have no job and most of my money comes from student loan and my parents. Yesterday I had two positive pregnancy tests and the only guy I’ve slept with is one I met in a club and have only met with 3 times altogether (slept together twice). So I told him and he’s very firm on his opinion that abortion is best.

I still have no idea what I’m supposed to do or how you make a choice you’re 100% on. I’ve gone back and forth since I found out, I’ve thrown up twice and feel like vomiting writing this from the stress and anxiety. I have not even told my mum yet.

i have always dreamt of having kids so I always pictured this moment with joy shared with a partner but nope. Pregnant from a hookup with no money so I feel like it would be sensible to abort but I am scared I will regret that. How do you make a decision? Pros and cons list? Pick at random? (Joking of course)

OP posts:
Report
Happysunshineyellow · 12/07/2023 14:18

I'm sorry you're going through this. Is there anyone in real life you can confide in and talk to who really know you. This is a big decision with the potential to change your life forever, for better or worse so you really need to talk to people who care about you.

The cons are very obvious, depending on your circumstances you may need to drop out of uni. Possibly no or limited involvement with the father or tied to someone you dont really know forever. The lack of stability and money is hard and raising a baby is incredibly tough in the best of times. The child may have additional needs which can make life hard.

On the other side people can and do make it work and they have a wonderful child and thats amazing.

Whatever way you go there will probably be times you think about the decision or regret it so either way reach out to get therapy, you should be able to get some through your university. You matter in all this so please care for yourself.

Report
KittyMum9 · 12/07/2023 14:34

thank you. I have confided in a close friend, the dad and my mum. My mum and friend are extremely supportive for whatever I want to do. My mum and dad are quite well off and she has stressed that they will help as much as they can so that I can finish uni if I do go through with it. I also have 4 siblings around.

however the ‘dad’ sent me a lengthy message about how I should know the right thing is to abort and has now blocked me on everything. The thought of being a single mum is terrifying but I have always known I want children. It’s tough.

OP posts:
Report
Mummy2022FT · 13/07/2023 22:00

I could have written this myself! (Apart from parents being wealthy part lol) I'm now a single mum. 0 regrets about having my child. The best thing that ever happened to me.

Report
KittyMum9 · 14/07/2023 14:55

@Mummy2022FT did you know you’d be a single mum from the start? How do you navigate the guilt of knowing your child will have no dad and wonder why? That’s the main thing upsetting me

OP posts:
Report
Mummy2022FT · 14/07/2023 22:57

@KittyMum9

Well, not quite. We were 'together' (although he lived like 2 hours away, we met online.) I found out while pregnant he was cheating on me with multiple girls and it all snowballed from there. If I'm honest, I did contact BPAS but I knew deep down abortion was not something I wanted to do, for me.


As for my child having not having a dad, yes that bothered me massively, it sometimes still does. He does seem him briefly maybe once every 2 weeks. So my son will know who his father is, although that stable family unit which every mother wants for their child I had to accept I was never going to get, which was hard.

What gives me peace of mind is the knowledge that we all want the absolute best of the best with everything for our children, but that's simply not possible.

Your child won't have a dad, but you can absolutely still raise a happy and content child.

I love my son so much, I still live at home with my parents. Do everything by myself, it's hard but I love it. I don't regret having him for a single second.

Good luck, you'll be ok in the end whatever you decide xx

Report
louise2019x · 16/07/2023 10:50

this happened to me but unfortunately i didn’t have the financial support from my parents so i only really had one option.
at the time it was so difficult but now i know it was for the best, i’ve met the most amazing man who treats me like gold, i’ve travelled so much since and i know when the time is right i will have children.

i don’t regret making the decision, it means i don’t have to deal with the loser of a man who got me pregnant and i can be sure that in the future i am in a better position.

i would have loved to have the strength to do it on my own, but i knew deep down i shouldn’t have had to. i’m happier than ever now i still get sad don’t get me wrong but a good counsellor helps

Report
KittyMum9 · 16/07/2023 19:28

@louise2019x thank you for reply, happy to hear you’re in a better position now.

After speaking to my parents and my university (which have a nursery on site as well as support for mums) I’ve decided to go through with the pregnancy and couldn’t be more excited. Currently live with friends in a house but will find somewhere for me and baby or move back in with parents for a while.

OP posts:
Report
RecycledKettle · 17/07/2023 18:58

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Previously banned poster.

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.