I have a 2.5yr old and wanted a second child. Fell pregnant very quickly and am now booked in to collect the pills for a medical at home abortion tomorrow.
We didn't talk a lot about planning to get pregnant. We wanted to start to try over the summer. I stopped the pill thinking it would take a bit of time for my cycle to come back. It didn't and I got pregnant instantly so this is sooner than we wanted and a shock.
We have enough money and a very large 2 bed flat. The mortgage has increased though as have food prices and there are no holidays to cut so money would be tight. We would have to move eventually with two.
I have no family (parents passed, sibling abroad) and no support from OH family. My DD was a very hard baby. Wanted to be held constantly, didn't sleep, she is still a character. The minute I found out I was pregnant I felt terrified. People say you 'just get on with it' with 2 but that's all fine until you don't 'just cope'.
My husband works long hours and I effectively single parent with no family support. All this 'you just cope' s**t - what if I don't cope? I shake the new baby, they take my daughter into care and I go to prison. I honestly feel I have the second one my life might end up like this.
I work 4 days a week. My job isn't secure. I'm doing a postgrad course I can't afford and won't have time for if I have another child. I'm scared I won't find another job without the qualification. I'm scared of never having free time ever again.
I like the idea of 2 older children. I know I will regret an abortion long-term with an only child. I hate the thought of ruining my life short-term and of 'trying to get through' the early years when I enjoy my daughter so much right now. I know my life will be objectively worse for quite a long time with 2 and I hate the thought of being pregnant and watching the nice times ticking away until the second baby comes and everything is terrible.
I don't want my daughter to miss out on attention. While I have one child we can travel to see friends, who are happy for me and play with her. I think if I had 2 that would stop. I don't drive and I can't take 2 kids long distances of hours on a train. There would be no more swimming lessons and little luxuries like toddler groups.
My husband is keen for the abortion. He says it's my choice and refuses to be drawn on his preference but I have said I will abort and he seems delighted.
We met young and were together 10yrs before kids. He was unsure on children. Then I wanted my DD and he didn't. I said it was a deal breaker and I would not want to stay in the relationship without children and he compromised. He was happy to have a second as he adores our first, but equally he doesn't like change, doesn't want to move house, an abortion preserves the status-quo which is good for him.
I just wanted to say this out loud as I feel awful but have nobody to talk to. Husband won't chat and no friend I could tell. Please tell me I'm doing the right thing? I wont try for another after this, I'm 36 and wouldn't have an abortion just to try again later, that would be silly. I need to be happy with no second child.