Hello all
I don’t really expect replies but I thought typing here might help me untangle my thoughts.
I’m pregnant by accident, only 5 weeks but I already feel dreadful - I suffered terrible sickness with my son. I could barely get out of bed and eating was a fight to keep every mouthful down (I could stomach so little that after my pregnancy my teeth became transparent). At that time I didn’t need to do anything much at all, so I could live around the sickness and work (self employed) when I could. My midwife said it was probably HG but as I was working around it, I didn’t need a diagnosis unless I couldn’t keep water down.
This time I have my little boy to look after, we are moving house in 6 weeks, little boy is having gruelling tests in 4 weeks (only found this out last week - we expect a diagnosis of a serious eye condition and probably will be diagnosed as partially sighted). I just don’t see how I can cope with the sickness and these things that can’t be moved. I started to feel a little better in second trimester, not much but a little, it feels like the timing of this is so cruel and I could have coped better if these things had fallen in 2nd or 3rd trimester.
I don’t see how I can be the mum he will need through these stressful events when I can’t move or eat - I can hardly even read to him now because it feels like motion sickness. He’s close to his dad but he needs mummy when he’s scared or confused, he’s only 3.
Rationally, I know the best thing to do is terminate but I so want to give him a sibling and worry that my time is running out to do that at 37. Although, trying to be pragmatic, having conceived by accident suggests my age isn’t such an impediment to that and I could ttc in 6 months (as we had intended to) having planned for the sickness with the move out of the way.
I’m struggling to come to terms with the situation and I’m so scared of making a mistake either way, my heart keeps coming back to putting my son first right now and making sure I can be what he needs, as well as physically being able to move house. But at the same time, a termination is the last thing I want to do.
I’m just so sad.