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Pregnancy choices

This topic is for sharing experiences of pregnancy choices; to debate the ethics of termination, visit our Politics or Chat forums.

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Original poster

Postponed abortion because It's breaking my heart

16 replies

cookingmama02 · 01/07/2023 22:19

Hi I'm 19 with 2 kids a 3 year old and an almost one year old I don't have the money or support to look after another kid and I have on going abdominal pain which is being investigated I know an abortion is the sensible thing to do but I'm torn between my head and my heart I keep breaking down in tears and I'm scared I will make the wrong decision I have had a scan and seen a heartbeat I also have pictures so I feel more attached can anyone give me advice on what I should do, thank you

OP posts:

Quitelikeit · 01/07/2023 22:22

I don’t think anyone can tell you what to do but I can tell you what I would do

I would not keep the baby, because you’ve mentioned you are only 19, you already have two kids, you are finding it financially tough

You are young enough to have more children in the future once your circumstances are better

what Is the father saying? What do your parents think?

PissOffJeffrey · 01/07/2023 22:26

It's almost impossible for us to tell you what to do. How are the two children you have? Do you feel like a third would make things harder for them?

I had a termination as a married 40 year old because I felt we as a family couldn't cope with a fourth. I've never once regretted it but that's just me.

MeMyCatsAndMyBooks · 01/07/2023 22:29

Nobody can tell you what to do.

But you must think of the two you already have. Money is already a issue, having another will effect the two you have from having more opportunities.
You're really young, you have your whole life ahead of you to have more babies when your more settled in life and have more means to do it.
I would personally have a termination in your shoes but it's your life, your choice.

LavanderSmellsLovely · 01/07/2023 22:32

I don't have the money or support to look after another kid

That's your answer really unfortunately.

Missingmyusername · 01/07/2023 22:33

I wouldn’t terminate a baby I wanted, you may or may not get a second chance. Nothing is guaranteed.

Do you have space and time for a new baby, do you work, do you know what you may be able to claim or help you may get…. Make some enquiries, write things down and go from there.

Incredibly tough decision 💐

LavanderSmellsLovely · 01/07/2023 22:34

Is he the father of your other 2 kids?

RudsyFarmer · 01/07/2023 22:35

Adoption?

Fraudornot · 01/07/2023 22:38

Why are you pregnant again? Honestly I don't understand this. I have a 20year old daughter who is in a long term relationship and hasn't been pregnant once.

NadjaCravensworth1 · 01/07/2023 22:45

Fraudornot · 01/07/2023 22:38

Why are you pregnant again? Honestly I don't understand this. I have a 20year old daughter who is in a long term relationship and hasn't been pregnant once.

On what planet do you think this is a helpful post?

Badbudgeter · 01/07/2023 22:47

I think your responsibility lies with your existing children. With UC being limited to 2 dc you and your children could end up being stuck in poverty if you decide to go ahead with the pregnancy.

Fraudornot · 01/07/2023 22:51

@NadjaCravensworth1 because pregnancy doesn't just happen by surprise - we all know how to prevent it. Many do.

NadjaCravensworth1 · 01/07/2023 22:54

Fraudornot · 01/07/2023 22:51

@NadjaCravensworth1 because pregnancy doesn't just happen by surprise - we all know how to prevent it. Many do.

And I'm sure the OP does too. How does this help her current situation? Or are you just exploiting her agony to be smug about your daughter?

Boating123 · 01/07/2023 22:54

I guess it comes down to the least worst option for you-

Probably struggling emotionally and financially having another baby.

Probably (based on the tone of your message) having long term heartache for the baby you didn't have.

BiscuitsandPuffin · 01/07/2023 22:55

Fraudornot · 01/07/2023 22:38

Why are you pregnant again? Honestly I don't understand this. I have a 20year old daughter who is in a long term relationship and hasn't been pregnant once.

Lol you think she'd tell you with judgement like that to look forward to?

Fraudornot · 01/07/2023 22:57

No judgement - just most people are sensible and don't have 3 children by the time they are 19. For all sorts of reasons - but the main one is it stiffles your life choices. Surely no one thinks this is a good life course.

MariaCarla · 01/07/2023 23:07

I'm sorry you're going through all these difficult emotions. Personally, I wouldn't have the abortion, especially as you seem that you really do want your baby. It's normal to feel overwhelmed and uncertain in these circumstances but there is hope and ways to make this work. There have been and are good mothers in similar situations who have. You shouldn't have to feel that you must write off having this baby.

I think a good idea would be having a google for other potential sources of support. Here are some quite good ones that I have heard about:

https://lifecharity.org.uk/pregnant-need-practical-help/
https://www.familylives.org.uk/advice/your-family/parenting/where-can-young-parents-go-for-support
https://cpag.org.uk/welfare-rights/resources/factsheet/financial-help-young-parents

Wishing you all the best ❤

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