Help - was getting pregnant wrong

[Faithb123]

Hello all. New here.
I’m 32 and have been with my partner for 4 years - we got engaged last month.
About 4 months ago we had a casual conversation about stopping contraception and seeing what happens. He is paternal, I’m not maternal but I don’t want to grow old and not have children? Lately I’ve been having some really strong feelings and imagining having children and a world where I don’t have them has made me feel upset.
I found out on Saturday I am pregnant, only 5 weeks, but after the initial shock, I have been crippled with anxiety and convinced I’ve done the wrong thing and don’t want to go through with it.
my partner has been very supportive and is happy with whatever decision I make and can see the pros and cons both ways, I hate that I’ve put him through this.
i’ve been feeling so low and lost and desparate to feel how I felt before Saturday. I thought I wanted this but the reality of it is just not what I want. I keep thinking I’m not ready and that I don’t want a baby and I’m so so confused.

Have you written your feelings/ the pros and cons down to try and make sense of them? As you say you want kids when you’re older and you don’t like the thought of a life without them it sounds like you’re might be having a temporary panic along with a big surge of hormones too probably.

It’s a big commitment to make and feels to me quite natural to have moments of panic. I panicked and terminated what would have been my third child so I know to some extent how you feel. What I wish I’d done is give myself more time to settle in to the thought of another child. Don’t rush yourself and keep talking about it with your partner and people who’s opinion you respect and who know you well would be my advice.

Hi! Sorry you’ve been feeling like this, it’s really not easy thinking about things that will affect your whole life going forward. I, like the lady above also terminated what would have been my third child. And I felt immense regret and sorrow as soon as I’d done it to be honest. You must do what is right for you long term. But please I would say give yourself enough time to make a sure decision, I didn’t, I panicked and now must live with my choice. I hope you find the solution that makes you happy.

Thank you for your help - I’ve spoken alot to my mum and partner but I’ve been in such a state (no eating or sleeping and constant panic attacks and dread) that my mum took me to the GP. It was a wonderful GP who actually paid attention to my mental health history and realised how much I’ve struggled with extreme anxiety at times. She said she cannot make a decision for me, but that I am her priority and she would like to see me treated properly for once with regards to my mental health before I take on such a huge role and change.
I then had a call with a midwife who said “lots of women feel like this and we admit them and put them on medication, what if you terminate and then have early menopause, will you be able to get over that?”.
my partner just said “you can’t go through with this now solely for the reason of ‘what if you can’t in the future’ - you need to want this cause it’s a big role, I think we need to get you and your head better first”
such a horrible time