I am so confused and could really do with some advice from anyone who has been in a similar situation.
I’m 39. I have 2 children (3 and 4) who I absolutely adore. I recently found out my husband had an affair whilst I was having a miscarriage. Despite this, I tried to move past it for the sake of my children. I can’t get past the betrayal and honestly he hasn’t really tried, so I want to part ways.
I’ve now found out I’m pregnant again. I didn’t know how I was going to afford the 2 children I already have by myself, let alone a 3rd. I’ve looked into terminating but the guilt is eating me alive. How am I going to kill my baby? If I hadn’t miscarried my last 2 pregnancies then I would have a 3rd on the way. If he hadn’t had an affair then we would be having a 3rd. This would be my last chance. Why is this baby fighting when I’ve lost 2 before?!
I don’t have a big support network. It’s only me. I couldn’t rely on the Dad for support and don’t trust he’ll pay me money towards the children. I know legally he has to but it’s not even enough to cover half my mortgage, let alone anything else. I work full time. I’m scared of the quality of life my current children will have. I ended up quite low after my second even though I am obsessed with him but I totally lost myself as a person, having 2 back to back babies and having such little support from my husband.
I am struggling with head Vs heart.
I know the decision is down to me. I am so disappointed in myself for getting myself into this situation. I am so scared that whichever choice I make, I’ll regret for the rest of my life.