Please or to access all these features

Pregnancy choices

This topic is for sharing experiences of pregnancy choices; to debate the ethics of termination, visit our Politics or Chat forums.

Head or Heart?

4 replies

Confusedandtrapped · 27/06/2023 03:39

I am so confused and could really do with some advice from anyone who has been in a similar situation.

I’m 39. I have 2 children (3 and 4) who I absolutely adore. I recently found out my husband had an affair whilst I was having a miscarriage. Despite this, I tried to move past it for the sake of my children. I can’t get past the betrayal and honestly he hasn’t really tried, so I want to part ways.

I’ve now found out I’m pregnant again. I didn’t know how I was going to afford the 2 children I already have by myself, let alone a 3rd. I’ve looked into terminating but the guilt is eating me alive. How am I going to kill my baby? If I hadn’t miscarried my last 2 pregnancies then I would have a 3rd on the way. If he hadn’t had an affair then we would be having a 3rd. This would be my last chance. Why is this baby fighting when I’ve lost 2 before?!

I don’t have a big support network. It’s only me. I couldn’t rely on the Dad for support and don’t trust he’ll pay me money towards the children. I know legally he has to but it’s not even enough to cover half my mortgage, let alone anything else. I work full time. I’m scared of the quality of life my current children will have. I ended up quite low after my second even though I am obsessed with him but I totally lost myself as a person, having 2 back to back babies and having such little support from my husband.

I am struggling with head Vs heart.

I know the decision is down to me. I am so disappointed in myself for getting myself into this situation. I am so scared that whichever choice I make, I’ll regret for the rest of my life.

OP posts:
Sadandscaredmum · 08/07/2023 10:07

Just wondering what you decided to do? Sending lots of love. It’s a horrible situation.

Confusedandtrapped · 08/07/2023 16:34

I still don’t know :( I have a termination booked for week after next but am still not convinced I can go through with it. The guilt is killing me and I find myself keep fantasising about the baby. I hope you’re ok x

OP posts:
Sadandscaredmum · 08/07/2023 20:09

Sorry you’re still struggling.

Thanks, I’m struggling. I can’t seem to get a resolution in my head, my thoughts are so scattered. Intense sickness, kidney infection, and hormones all playing their part in muddying my thoughts.

It’s so hard.

The midwife I spoke to a few days ago was brilliant in the way she reframed guilt and shame, especially as women and mothers. How it’s all so manufactured. I wish I could keep her in my pocket to talk to.

You have nothing to feel guilty for. We have to prioritise our children and do whatever we feel is best for them. We can’t beat ourselves up when we know that’s why we are doing what we’re doing.

TomorrowToday · 09/07/2023 17:23

Have you looked into universal credits and extra money?

People always find a way to cope.... It sounds like you want this baby.

New posts on this thread. Refresh page