New partner what to do?

[Bluebaron1]

Hi all

background for me. 50 yo guy Recently separated and dating a my new partner (31) for 6 months. She’s 10 weeks pregnant and we recently went for termination however after a scan it was twins and she backed out.

Our relationship is not very solid, she has a 5 year old and I have three adult children. There’s a lot of warning signs that’s she’s not really into me despite the fact she said she is, (I think she’s just not very affectionate). I really like her but I’m still not divorced and still haven’t sorted finances etc.

when we first discussed termination we came to the conclusion that we didn’t know each other well enough, I’ve only been to her place once, (she’s very guarded and cautious). she’s living in a friends flat at the moment and doesn’t have any real money although works full time in a decent job. Luckily despite my divorce I’m a high earner. I am a little worried she sees me as a meal ticket.

The reasons haven’t changed I guess but the emotional side has.

I know it’s basically a gamble on us as a couple but I really don’t know what to do. She’s told me she’s 70/30 in favour of continuing the pregnancy.

friends and family tell me to push her for termination but I’m a people pleaser and find it hard to make decisions lately.

please help with some sound advice

thank you for your kind and wise words.

We had discussed children when we first started dating and I am open to that my biggest concern is the timing and how I believe that bringing children into the world should be in a loving and secure relationship.

In my heart I know it’s not the right time for me but I will of course fully support any decision she makes and hope we can make it.

I know my three children (18/20/24) will not be best pleased and I am dreading that conversation especially as I will probably have her moving in very soon so their lives will change as well.

she’s just gone 10weeks and the thought of asking her to go though that procedure is horrifying for me. I won’t be pushing it and I hope that by gently passing on my opinion she won’t hold it against me in the future.

Does beg the question why a man of 51 who if he has 3 adult children clearly knows how babies are made wasnt using protection? Or were you just swept away having sex with someone 20 years younger than you and young enough to be your daughter? I'm sorry but you are in no position to be asking anything of her "gentle" opinions or otherwise. She may be using you as a meal ticket or maybe because she wanted a sibling for her elder child no one here can tell you?

🤔 I think an ageist attitude probably doesn’t help my situation. ( I’m 50 actually 😆).

i think given she chose not to terminate at that stage the liklehood she is keeping the babies and thats the end of that conversation so the conversation now needs to shift on how is this going to be work- financially, practically, co-parenting etc. I am sure you would prefer not to be in this scenario but about half of babies are unplanned so many people have had to make things work even when the circumstances are not ideal. I just wish as a society it was more encouraged for men when they have decided theyve perhaps no longer want kids take a permanent option to prevent accidents happening. do not listen to people telling you to convince her- she sounds like she has made her mind up

can anyone help me with the following?

the scan result told me she was 10 weeks on the 24th June. Assuming they take the date from the first day of her last period?
We were away from the 25-28 April when she said she was on her period and hence why we did t use proper protection.
using this info she should be 8-9 weeks?

As someone who was "gently pressured" into having an abortion please DON'T do it.
It's been more then a year and I still haven't mentally recovered and it's the worst thing I have ever went through.

It's extremely important that women are sure they want an abortion and feel it's the right decision for THEM. I can't stress it enough. You can see so many posts on here from women who weren't sure and ended up with depression, anxiety and regrets.

You have no right to do it.