I’m desperate

[Jaystarlight]

I am 5 weeks pregnant with third unplanned baby.
came as massive shock as I am 43 and def not trying.
I am considering term for following reasons:
I have exp HG in prev pregnancies and it has started already today. I have non stop 24/7 nausea and exhaustion.
I have a 6 yo with severe mental health issues mainly anxiety who is very demanding and can’t stand to think of me unwell.
I suffer with chronic MH and had severe PND with both children. Mainly health anxiety.
I have had 2 prev term for severe HG in past and also 3 mc so feel that this is my chance to be a mum one last time but can’t face this HG it seeing my sons MH deteriorating because of how sick I am.
No meds touch my HG it’s always hospital then home then straight back in.
I dreamt of a third child as have 11 yr gap between my two but just don’t know what to do.

Sorry no one has replied to you yet. Sounds such a difficult decision either way. I would really recommend speaking to a counsellor- BPAS, your local service or there are some national charities (I can provide numbers) can provide you with a counselling session or two to explore the options and different reasons for what approach you may take. dont feel you need to make the decision alone as our thoughts have a habit of spiralling. it will also mean if you decide to terminate you know youve explored the options and it feels best for you and your family. i only speak from my experience that i ddnt speak to anyone and felt i needed to decide but really wish i had as then i would have made peace with the decision rather than feeling did i let my worries get to me and would i have terminated had i explored my feelings with someone. message anytime its can be a lonely and diffcult place to be in and not something you really expect when in your 40s- i thought i had go through my 20s unscathed but actually i think its something as high as 6/10 women who have terminations are already mums. x

@Saskia2023 thank you so much for replying it’s lonely when no one relies.
so sorry you went through it also it’s so difficult isn’t it. You are so kind to offer support. I have made constant with a peri natal team today asking for an urgent call and will ask if they have any counselling numbers. If you have any would def appreciate you messaging them to me or replying in here whatever is easier.
Do you feel you may have made a diff decision if you had had time to think it through more with a professional. It’s such a terrible challenging time isn’t it. Xxx

I saw your message and have thought how extremely difficult it is for you.

If you decide to proceed with the pregnancy you are going to need to put in a really considered plan of how you will be supported throughout the pregnancy, from the NHS and people close to you.

I think as well as counselling, you should speak with your GP or midwifery team now during this decision making period, as they can look at your medical history and everything that is going on in your life eg. Family, home, work, and could talk through how things could work to support you through the pregnancy (which I don't think a counseller can do). Doing this, I think will allow you to be better informed of how this pregnancy and your life could work for X number of weeks left in the pregnancy.

I'm sending you a hug. And hope you are able to get some relaxing and calm moments. Xx

@Buttonups thank you so much for your support! I think I have come to the conclusion that I can’t pursue this pregnancy I have started feeling dreadfully Nauseous and disgusting all day every day and my anxiety about having a baby and caring for it is flooring me. X

I'm so sorry you are suffering so much.

If you do have any uncertainty, then please speak to your GP, they CAN help. I just want to remind you that if you do end the pregnancy it is permanent, and so whilst you feel horrific now and ending the pregnancy will get rid of the pregnancy hormones that are making you poorly, you can't bring back that pregnancy and you may have post abortion feelings. If you have not already, please speak with a conseller or someone close.

@Buttonups i tried talking to someone yesterday and they were awful it was a peri natal MH nurse and she just listened and then said that’s a tough choice! Like yeah I know that….so useless.
I am so scared of post regret that’s what scared me x

@Jaystarlight not good of the perinatal MH team, I also didn't get any help from them. I got referred, they said they couldn't do my home visit, as they had a flat tyre and I did a call virtually, which didn't help. Iv also has a lot of post abortion regret and didn't get enough support in my pregnancy, which contributed to me making a decision I regret. Which is why I want to support women in a similar position. Your circumstances are very challenging. If I was you, I would ask to speak to someone else from the perinatal MH team or someone from the midwifery team. Don't give up, because of one person.

@Buttonups sadly the mw team won’t speak to me as I’m only 6 weeks. Awaiting call from gp today so will ask for support. So sorry that you have regrets and you didn’t get right support. Bless you x

Pm u x