Pregnancy thoughts 2 years post termination

[ZZGirl]

I didn't think I'd find myself pondering writing here and yet, here I am.
I had a termination just over two years ago, I'd fallen pregnant when DH and I had agreed to stop seeing what happened and I ended up having a complete freak out, a total fear amd breakdown and knew I wasn't ready and it wasn't what I wanted. DH was very supportive as he doesnt mind whether we had kids or not. Although I've had curiosities over the last 2 years, I've had no regrets.

I'm now nearly 33 and I've found myself considering starting a family next year. The plan was always if we did it, we'd only have one anyway. Im scared of feeling the way I did then, I'm scared that it'd change my relationship, yet sometimes find myself thinking about it.

My fear is, what if we went for it, I become pregnant and I just feel the same way again?

Women can get a surge of hormones that make them think ‘what on earth have I done’ when they first get pregnant no matter how planned it was. What happened to you was very similar to what happened to me at the beginning of this year. We will be trying again in 6-9 months but by then we’ll have got married and bought a house hopefully, so our circumstances have changed. You weren’t ready two years ago but you might be now. It’s okay to change your mind.

I think I could be ready to consider it further next year. But I'm afraid of getting pregnant and then just feeling how I did last time. Almost wonder if I need to talk out my fears with someone

definately talk through your fears with someone- PANDAS is a national helpline for perinatal health and can talk you through issues with. Or there are more formal counselling services like ARCH and Stillwaters or a private counsellor. They can help you work through your fears but also put in some action plans for if the panic hits you again. I had a termination for a similar reason but now am pregnant again and I am still feeling like what the hell am i doing but had a private scan and saw the screen/heartbeat to stop me (personal decision). I still dont know if its the right thing being pregnant again and whether this is my hormones or what as beforehand i was obsessed with getting pregnant! dont punish yourself for what has happened- if now is the right time then its the right time and plenty of people have gone on to have healthy pregnancies and children after terminations- whatever their reason was x

I think you're right because I don't even know how to broach it with my husband and usually I can literally talk about anything!