Need help, i want to do the right thing

[KewNutty]

Note: im in the UK
We have a 6yo and 8mo and just found out im pregnant again.my partner wants me to get an abortion, but i dont really want to. He says hes concerned about space (we have a 3 bed, but the 3rd is very small) and also money. When i asked him to elaborate on the money he told me wed probably have to give up the house as we wouldnt be able to afford it if i continued with this pregnancy. I dont understand that, im not currently working as is so that wouldnt change and i feel like the dog costs more than our children sometimes ( a dog i dont actually even want) and i cant see how itll make that much of an impact that wed have to give up our house. i want to make sure i make the correct decision for the whole family. He has also said its ultimately my choice and he will honour whatever i choose, but what do i do? What do you think about it?

KewNutty,

Big hugs to you. You have a lot going on and wish I could come and have a cuppa with you to talk with you.

House set up and finances can be worked through and you can make it work. Some help, guidance and support could help to get things in a better place. I would say do not let that be a decide factor right now, as it could be sorted.

You clearly say you don't want an abortion, so do not have one until YOU want to and are 100% that is for you.

From your message it sounds like you want to have this baby, and you want some support, guidance and advice on how to make it work for your family..... if yes, then there is help. I'm happy to talk and hopefully some other ladies will give their advice and guidance too
Xxx

@Buttonups Thank you so much for replying ❤️ im trying to get him to understand that ill do it if i have to, but i dont want to, hes saying that in 3 YEARS our remortgage is due, and he doesnt think theyd renew it because wed have gone from 2 income and 1 child (when we bought the house) to 1 income and 3 children. And yes, i think losing our house is a big reason, but in 3 years they could both be in childcare (30 hrs free) and i could have a job. Right? He said hed support what ever decision i make, but then i feel like hes also trying to scare me into what he wants. I asked him if he wouldve said the same if our youngest had been twins, that we would lose the house, and he deflected the question, i know he wouldnt have.
Before my youngest i had a molar pregnancy, my chances of it happening again is apparently higher, and i just remember how i felt going into the hospital for a dnc, i dont want to feel like that again.
I think i need a friend.

please dont make such a big decision based on financial reasons alone. theres so many proposal about improved funding for childcare that as you say 3 years is a long time and who knows what financial position you may be in by then. i had a termination a few months ago as my husband just kept telling me practical reasons why it was not a good idea and i didn't listen to my heart enough. they dont have to cope with the emotional fall out if you have a termination when its perhaps not want you wanted. i would contact a counsellor such as through BPAS and spend some time talking to them to work out what you want and potential solutions to the challenges. i made the mistake of thinking my husband and i had to decide between us rather than me talking to someone outside of the situation to be clear what i wanted. message any time- its a lonely place to be and its hard when you are balancing lots of peoples different needs and opinions and having to make a decision not knowing what the future will hold xx

Thank you guys for replying, ive decided im not going to terminate, i know i wont feel okay if i do and ive thought over all the reasons not to constantly for the last week and none of them feel like a good enough reason to me. I know my partners going to need so time to come round to the idea but hopefully hell see its the right decision 🥰

glad youve made a decision that feels right. there are plenty of women on here whose partners werent keen, they went about with the pregnancy and the baby is now the light of the dad's life. wishing you all the best xx

Hes taking the childish route and hes ignoring me ..... we live together but apparently thats ok

Im really sorry i hate that men blame us when contraception fails but have not taken permanent options themselves when they have decided they dont want more children. this must be causing you so much worry but its him not you x

@Saskia2023 i asked if he could get a vasectomy (while i was still pregnant with my now 8mo) and hes told me no, theres too many side affects. Ive been on contractption (except when pregnant and a month or two before each) since i was 17. Unfortunately when giving birth to my youngest i apparently pushed too hard and something has become swollen in my head so theyre refusing to put me on any birth control until it had settled and we were using condoms, we used one every time!! This isnt my fault, and im so sad hes reacting like this when its a decision i didnt even want to make.
Its not my fault and im trying my hardest to be the best i can be for everyone that needs me.