So lost.

[geordiegal87]

Found out on last Saturday I'm pregnant. It wasn't planned. I've been with my partner for 2 years he has 2 kids from a previous relationship and I have one.
He has made no bones about saying if I continue he will have zero involvement, because I knew when we got together he wanted no more and he was on the waiting list for the snip however covid got in the way.
After telling him he proceeded to tell me how he wasn't happy in the relationship anyway and ended it.
I think I'm about 9 weeks. I don't know what to do. Everything in me tells me the sensible option is to have a termination, I'd be stretched financially and totally on my own. But there's another part of me tells me I'd figure it out.
I'm not sure it's fair to bring another child into the world that will never know its dad, my sons dad is not involved at all and I know how hard it is, we split when he was one, he's 9 now.
I'm terrified of the whole thing. I have my scan appt with bpas today, but the the thought of the pain of a MA terrify me and the thought of a SA scares me even more.
It's the worst situation and I'm just absolutely petrified.

Big hugs to you. You have some time to think it through further. Have you asked BPAS for some counselling?

You mention you don't think it's fair to bring a child into the world with out knowing his dad, but the child would have a mum, sibling and other family. The world is made up of many types of family structures and not many families are perfect. Perhaps this is a point you could explore more and see if this aspect you could work through. I'm from a single parent family and I didn't know any different.

There is support out there that can help you with planning to be able to manage, and it could be worth exploring that more. You can be a single mum, but you don't have to be alone.

Have you got someone to support you and care for you if you decide to go ahead with the procedure?

To me it sounds like you ate overwhelmed and need some more time, before you make a decision. You want to be 100% before you go ahead.

Xx

Thankyou.
My parents have said they will support me no matter what I choose, and that they know there are no easy options.
I don't want to leave it too long it's already been 10 days since I found out and I'm very aware each day counts. If I had found out at 2 weeks or something I think the decision may have been easier but every passing second I have more and more guilt the longer that goes past. My now ex partner has offered to come with me if I go for an abortion however if I do it at home I will be alone.
I flit from being tied to someone forever (my ex) and I'm concerned he may decide to get involved after the hard stage is over and add more confusion. He said he wouldn't want to be involved at all as his money is already stretched, and I know I'm entitled to maintenence but I wouldn't pursue it. As much as he can't "drag me there and make me do it" in his words I can't force him to be involved and if I go ahead I don't want to take away from the children he has already as that isn't fair on them.
One minute I'm telling myself to terminate and move on with my life, and although I'll never forget it I will have made the right choice.. the next minute I'm telling myself that I will regret it forever.
I'm finding the waiting the hardest, if I had found out and managed to have an appointment next day I probably would have gone through with it, but I've got the scan today then my telephone consult on Thursday.. I tell myself any pain in an abortion is short lived and not to be a wimp but then I know that in general, I'm not good with pain.
I'm probably rambling alot I'm sorry.

You are not rambling.

I went through this alone, and I made the wrong decision. So I want to be there for other ladies who need support.

Do not let any one pressure you and convince you to make a certain decision. It's your pregnancy and your body.

If you have a termination, it can impact you physically and emotionally. The clinics only really talk about the physical aspects. I and other women who have posted in pregnancy choices which you can read, had all been impacted emotionally. It's individual to each of us and you need to dig deep, to decide what YOU want.