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Pregnancy choices

Think I’ve made a mistake

10 replies

Cantmakeadecision40 · 03/06/2023 11:58

Yesterday I had an abortion. I have had a lot of losses then my son and feel like I’ve been on the journey forever. I never had a connection to this pregnancy like I did with my son and all my losses. It always felt wrong. I think with hindsight I had prenatal depression but felt rushed into making a decision due to timing. I wish I’d been stronger. I know my reasons for having it, I’m getting older, we have a nice life with my son, worried about risks, not sure we want to go back to the baby stage. But now I feel like it was the wrong decision and I can’t do anything about it.

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Cantmakeadecision40 · 03/06/2023 20:57


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NoIdeaWhy11 · 03/06/2023 21:25

Hello, sorry your feeling like this.

I was in bits very soon after my abortion and it felt like the biggest mistake of my life.
How could I have made the right choice if it felt so bad? Now looking back I think hormones play a huge part in what we feel.
Our bodies don’t know we made that choice so they grieve hard and I know it’s so very hard to get through that.
As hard as this is you know you can’t change it so you just have to let your body grieve and learn how to forgive yourself.

Mine was almost 9 weeks ago and I’m still finding it very difficult at times but a haze has lifted and the reasons I went ahead with it are relevant and valid again.

Buttonups · 03/06/2023 22:13

Big hugs to you.

I was similar to you in that I had depression and didn't understand it.

I have been full of regret and guilt.

It's tough and it's not like mending a broken bone. Our healing path and journey will be individual to each of us.

Things that have been helping me, is to get lots of rest and sleep. Drinking lots of tea and coffee. Talking about it with someone that cares. Just allowing myself to process, which is tough, but I feel its right to go through it.

Cantmakeadecision40 · 04/06/2023 13:44

I know my hormones are probably all over the shop and that’s not helping. I’m glad you can see the light at the end of the tunnel now.
I’m not sure I ever will.

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Cantmakeadecision40 · 04/06/2023 13:47

I do feel like it was the depression that made me go through with it, I was like a zombie heading towards it and really wish I’d had counselling.

unfortunately I can’t sleep, don’t want to eat, just feel so low

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Buttonups · 04/06/2023 14:25

Maybe tomorrow make an appointment to see your GP, to see if they can give you any support with your mental health.

I was given a few days of diazapam. One tablet did make a difference. I took it before bed and it helped me sleep, and the day after I did feel a bit better. And I also started SSRI's.

Do you have someone to care for you? I don't think it's good to isolate yourself.

Even if its just fluids and a small amount of food, you should try. Nutrition does contribute to your daily health, including mental health.

If I can ask one thing, that if you are physically up for it, you take yourself out for a walk 20-30 minutes maybe. The fresh air and walking will be good for you.

I'm here if you want to talk on DM. Iv been where you are (and still suffering) and want to be there for you. Xx

NoIdeaWhy11 · 04/06/2023 15:38

It’s really the most horrible place I’ve ever been in the aftermath of my abortion.

I still have plenty of bad days but it’s just not every single day that’s bad now.
I don’t think it’s something I will ever totally get over but same as you I was already in a bad place before.
This year has so far been the worst of my life and I’m just learning to be kind to myself.

It’s not something I’ve ever been through before and I believe there isn’t enough support for woman that do go through it.
I was given a little booklet that had a couple of lines saying some women experience negative feelings after that for most are short lived…….that’s an understatement in my experience.

You only have to look around these forums to see how terrible it is for a lot of women and they suffer in silence.

Buttonups · 04/06/2023 16:04

I think to your point @NoIdeaWhy11 the support in the decision making is also not enough. When you are pregnant and unsure, women are hormonal, vulnerable and not themselves. So the softly softly counselling approach and people around either saying I support what you want or giving their opinions can help, but I think women in this position also could do with a bit of "tough to be kind" approach, to really get across that the decision that is made is a life long decision and really dig into any uncertainties and help to work towards solutions, to see if they can resolve their fears and worries.

Cantmakeadecision40 · 04/06/2023 16:18

Hi, thanks for your reply. I do have my husband to look after me. I took my toddler out for a walk this morning so have had quite a bit of fresh air.

Im not sure I want to go down the meds route - I have seen my friend on them and he really suffered.

I just really don’t want to eat but am drinking fluids.

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Cantmakeadecision40 · 04/06/2023 16:23

You’re right, there is not enough support. I feel like I should have been made to go for counselling. I was so calm throughout my time there that I thought I must be doing the right thing but I realise now that the hormones must have done something as it’s not normally something I would have ever contemplated. I agree with button up that I wish someone had said to me do you realise what you are actually doing?!!

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