Unplanned 4th Pregnancy

[beckyt12345]

Hoping I can hear some experiences with others as I'm freaking out right now!
I have 3 children: 7, 5 and 2 yrs. I've just found out I'm pregnant again from 2 wks ago with my husband (I'm not sure what we were thinking tbh, we had managed TTA for 2 yrs but obviously this time it happened).
I'm 37 and already feel exhausted, anxious all the time and have little energy or time for me to be just 'me' outside of Mum & wife. If we keep this baby, there will be zero.
Our middle child is autistic and needs 121 supervision so I'm baffled as to how I will cope with 3 children & a baby! No matter how much I love & care for them it's not possible to split myself in so many directions. Especially on days out, holidays etc.
My OH is very supportive - he'll do whatever I think is best but he travels a lot with his job - multiple times a year he is away for a wk at a time & I try to rely on my parents who are not physically at their best to help with young children.
Also, there's a lot of problems in our marriage! My OH was physically abusive 4 yrs ago (3 instances) & I'm currently going through counselling to resolve the trauma. He had anger management & were trying to work together to resolve our past. Our communication is very poor - if we try it normally ends in an argument & him storming out...how can I possibly look after 4 young children (1 autistic) when he does that?
At the same time as all of this - i LOVE the newborn phase, I love children & I love having a big family.
I've also had 3 csections & I'm not sure if it's OK to have a fourth (we haven't checked with the midwife).
Argh, my head is all over the place, I'm at a loss as to what to do. I know ultimately I need to make the decision but I'm so scared of the regret if I terminate but also scared of the exhaustion, loneliness & not being the best parent for the older ones. I'm also terrified of potentially being a single mum of 4 (although OH assured me he won't walk out permanently)
Any thoughts would be really appreciated.
Thank you if u managed to read all of this!

Hiya, ultimately it’s your choice. Write down the pros and cons, for me it was what outweighed the fear of either way. And that was the choice of not having another baby
I have 4 grown up children and I looked after my grandson as my daughter had post natal depression, I have only just got my life back and for me I believe having children does take this away as much as there is joy to it aswell. What regret would you have more? Struggling with another baby, or doing what’s right for you and your family and relieving that pressure a little??

Hi,

Hope you feeling okay? It definitely sounds like a lot and I’m sure your doing through it to ensure you give them the best quality care you can. I think you should be proud of yourself for pushing through especially with all that’s gone down in your marriage.

I think every child is different so you never know what to expect but the hardest thing about pregnancy is the fear of stress. I totally agree the new born phase is the best and after that they just keep growing on you. I would say you seem like a woman who’s got her hands full, great to know your other half is still in the picture and helpful in some ways. I believe children are blessings and gifts from God. You never know what the next star you have would be tomorrow. I am wishing you the very best with the family.

Take care x