How long?

[Whatapickle07]

How long did it take you to get over having an abortion?

I just feel shattered by the decision we made. There were so many reasons to go ahead and have the abortion. But I just feel heart broken about it. I just can't stop thinking about what they could have been, or looked like. And when they would have been born.

sorry I can’t answer your question.
Mine was 8 weeks ago and it’s still very raw.
I have more good days than bad but the what ifs really upset me me.
I sat and cried yesterday that I would have been 17 weeks.

Do you have someone you trust to talk to?
I find talking to my husband and closest friends really helps and letting myself be sad. It’s all a process we need to work through and I think it will always hurt but I hope someday not as much.

I talk to my partner about it. He's been great and supportive the whole way through.

I think I just thought life would just return to normal. And it just hasn't and I'm struggling.

Maybe in a few week's or month's I'll feel better

That’s the same as what I thought.
Life would just go back to how it was before.
No one told me the feelings could be so strong and so intense.
Could you get some counselling? There is a charity called ARCH who would help you if you can’t see your GP.
I probably should have asked for some help but I didn’t feel I could as I did and still do blame myself.
Seams wrong to go and ask for help fixing something I myself did to me.

I’ve taken the first tablet and all that’s whirring through my mind are the what ifs. I just keep looking at my ds and thinking who was the other baby. I’m completing the rest of the process this afternoon and I’m absolutely dreading it. I hope it get easier with time for us all.

Thank you all for your replies, I might look into the counselling. I just feel broken. Keep crying and feel like I made the biggest mistake of my life. I just wish I hadn't felt so rushed into making a choice. But I knew the longer I left it the more I would have wanted it.

I had an abortion in September & it was tough so I really feel for you. We were sure of our decision but it was still really hard & I had so many complicated emotions I wasn't expecting. Time has definitely helped, I think about it less often now but would be lying if o said I was totally over it (maybe i never will be ) but it certainly doesn't consume my thoughts like it did.

I had some counselling with bpas, initially I was reluctant but it actually really helped talking to someone who didn't know me & who wouldn't judge me, sort of helped me to make sense of all my feelings.

It also somehow helped when the due date had passed as I stopped thinking 'I'd be x weeks pregnant' but didn't translate it to 'my baby would be x weeks old'. In fact I remember thinking around the time I'd have been due that I just couldn't imagine having a newborn right now.

It's so hard but definitely try & reach out to someone if you can & know you made the decision for the right reasons for you, time will usually help even if it doesn't feel like it right now.

Here if you need

Having been there its a horrendous process and nothing the clinics quite prepare you for. they discuss the physical but not the earth shattering emotions that impact some people (I appreciate not all). Some of it is hormonal, some of it is a grief. And it is a grief. i have never felt anything like it (and Ive been suicidal when in my 20s but this was something else). the counsellor explained to me that like a grief its all consuming and raw at first but gradually becomes part of your story but that over consuming grief does subside a little. I found having counselling really helpful. I had EMDR which is like a trauma focused therapy. i paid privately for it but was worth it as helped move the experience to almost something around me than part of me. I phoned ARCH a few tines- they are a helpline run by volunteers who have had an abortion and available during the day and evening. they were always willing to listen as I sobbed and went over what happened. google or we can send you the number. finally do message me or other people in here. literally it was only other people on here which kept me going knowing i wasnt alone. its made me so angry that as women whilst we have access to terminations we dont have access to the support we need to help us cope with the experience and mentally we suffer with the decision. as a counsellor said to me its a hard choice either way- whereas i kind of thought i would have the procedure and life would go back to how it was. things will get better- i can laugh again and enjoy my child whereas there was points in those first few weeks where i seriously didnt think i could live. there is life after, but it does change you and almost its having to accept there will always be some grief surrounding it but it won't be as it is now x

Thank you for your replies, it gives me some hope. At the moment I just can't even look at babies or pregnant women it's too painful.

My partner has been amazing and I can't fault him, it's just hard because I don't want to keep burdening him with my feelings when he's probably processing his own.

Thank you for taking your time to reply

Hope you're doing ok & glad our responses have helped a little. Totally hear you about burdening your partner, same for me - my husband was brilliant but no matter how supportive they are, they can never truly know what it's like to be the woman in the situation & they also have their own feelings to cope with too. This is where forums like Mumsnet come into their own, people with shared experiences who can support others.

The other posters was right, no one prepares you for the emotions of it all. It will always be a part of me & has changed who I am BUT time, counselling & support has definitely helped me process the grief & guilt to get to a place where I can move forward with my life & it doesn't consume me, it's a part of my history & I'm ok with that. I still think about it & what might have been but they're fleeting & much less frequent.

I really hope the same turns out to be true for you but am here if you need to talk

Sorry I've not been on for a while, thank you for your replies, I'm just struggling. My best friend has just had a baby. And I'm avoiding the women at work who are pregnant. Which I know really is an awful thing to do.

I just can't seem to move on. I feel I made a choice out of fear and shock and wish I had just waited and taken time. But I can't change that now. I hope everyone else is doing well

Sorry to hear you’re still struggling, I was doing on until my friend had her baby and it just made me feel super sad. Not easy being around newborn a newborn as it definitely triggered some emotion. I’ve never been through this before but I would imagine it quite normal. I have thought maybe counselling might help process why I made the decision. Maybe the same might help you