Need to make a decision

[Unicorntearsofgin]

I’m 40 have 2 children one is 3 the other is 6 and I have unexpectedly found out I am pregnant. I am very early around 5 weeks.

I have no clue what to do or how to make this decision. It’s probably wrong from a financial and practical point of view but I also know I would love it once it was here. I have got pills arriving today for a medical abortion and I really desperately need some advice as to how I make a decision without hating myself.

I just can’t seem to make any kind of decision at the moment as keeping it seems wrong for my family but I feel awful about the idea of a termination.

My own view reading your thread. You have a nice manageable age gap so why not? I got pregnant again after an abortion. Currently nearly 34 weeks and it's been a ride. Obviously would have preferred not to have had the abortion but I've dealt with my feelings.

I think it’s the adjustment. I felt like I just had a bit of life back. Love the little ones to bits but it’s hard work.

Having been through a medical abortion last week, it’s not easy. But it’s sorted my head out. It completely drowned me, I was thinking about it 24/7 crying because having another would destroy us. I took a step back and looked in at the circumstances and asked myself what I’d advise a friend/family member in the same situation. I have a 2 year old and 4 year old, my 2 year old is HARD! No room in the house, a new business, a rising mortgage etc etc. we are going to leave it a couple of years and think about it again. I don’t want another baby in my 30’s but I’m 31 now and things change. Consider your age at points in the baby’s life too, like I say it’s your choice and you know your situation and your mind better than anyone else x

Thank you for the message. I almost wish I felt like it would destroy us because the awful truth is I am just not sure. It’s my last chance to have another child and whilst I didn’t want this I am finding it hard to take that step. I’m genuinely thinking about flipping a coin as ridiculous as that sounds because I can’t seem to make any decision.

Take your time and discuss as much as you can with your partner or someone else you can trust.

I had a surgical abortion in April and followed my head for the whole decision. I didn’t talk to my husband in any real detail and we didn’t consider the impact it would have on me after.
No one tells you how bad it can make you feel. I was given a leaflet which had a few brief lines in saying some woman can experience some negative feelings which should be short lived…..that is a total understatement in my experience.
7 weeks later I hate myself for what I did.
I’m not pro life I believe woman should have a choice but after having 11 children already it wasn’t something I would have ever believed I would consider let alone actually do.

Not everyone will have the same experience as me but had I known it would have had this affect on me I couldn’t have done it.
I actually didn’t want to on the day but no one asked if I was sure and I just thought I couldn’t waste all these people’s time and change my mind now.
I realise I could have now but at the time I just couldn’t, I’m not great at speaking up for myself.

I’m 41 and had my family all planned out my DS was my last and I was totally comfortable with that but now I don’t know if I can face ending on this negative experience but then I don’t think I could have another after doing that.

If your at all not sure take more time and think about yourself as well.

Making that step is the hardest thing. Take some time, don't rush into it. You've got to be 100% sure. I set myself a date and by that date I wasn't ready so didn't set another, just took each day as it came. I knew deep down what the answer was but I had to take some time to get used to the idea of abortion first. I told myself that everything that was concerning me ie money, space etc would be sorted and allowed myself to ask the question 'do I want another baby?' And the answer was no! At the moment with 2 it's relatively easy to get childcare if we want to go somewhere without them. Hotel rooms usually accommodate 4 people and would need an extra room at some for 5 people. 2 hands for 2 children, one each when the husband isn't working. It all pointed to my answer but it took me nearly 3 weeks to make sure I was certain of it. Don't be hard on yourself, it's the hardest thing I've ever done and I've been through a lot the last few years x

What did you decide?

Unfortunately I realised I did want the baby but sadly had a miscarriage. I guess the doubts were really there for a reason.

I am so sorry to hear that ❤️