2nd pregnancy - considering abortion

[Mumlyf1986]

Hi everyone
I’m expecting abusive messages after this post, but if you could be so kind as to read with compassion I’d really appreciate your thoughts on my situation.
So hear it goes.
I’ve just found out I’m pregnant second time around, currently at just 3 weeks pregnant.
I’ve got one 2.5 year old who I love more than life itself. She’s my whole life and I’d do anything for her, was excited for her arrival and the pregnancy.
I’ve had a tough time since having her struggling with mental health and my partner travelling abroad often without notice.
we did want to try for another child but not for another 6 months really, it just so happened that this happened now.
My reaction when we found out on Thursday was shock sadness and anger. I haven’t been able to shift those feelings. I have to be honest I don’t want this now and I want it to go.
I’ve already got the pills to end this now.
I don’t know what to do as guilt is holding me back.
I also start a new job in 2 weeks time which doesn’t impact my decision on this but is a factor in a way I guess.
I just don’t know if I can handle it all.

please let me know your thoughts, if you have been through anything similar, if it’s an awful thing to do or if it’s ok as I’m not ready and ok to try again.
I feel so alone.

my partner is supportive either way.

Hi Mumly,

I have had a similar situation, unplanned pregnancy and many negative feelings.

Well done for pausing and reaching out for support. I know you have the pills, but the fact you have posted your message on here means you have something in you that either wants to explore the idea more and also you mention guilt is holding you back.

PLEASE PAUSE, and don't make a knee jerk reaction. The decision is final and you want to be 100% sure. You have time.

Can you further explore your reasons to carry on or end the pregnancy? e.g with a Councillor. NUPAS, BPAS and MSI can offer that to you.

There are many women who have been in your situation, and they post on here. I think it would be worth reading some of those posts.

You mention you struggle with your mental health: There is extra support out there. Your GP can refer you to the perinatal mental health team and they can look to give you extra support.

Perhaps make a list of the different worries that you have (both proceeding and not proceeding with the pregnancy) and then look at what support and solutions there could be.

I'm here if you would like to chat. I could write more, but don't want to come across as pushy, just want to help. Xx

Hey thanks for your post.

Yes there is something holding me back from doing it.

I know it's wrong but I just want to have peace again. But perhaps I'm just wishful thinking that if this goes away all my problems will go away. Life isn't like that is it.

I have tried to get counselling but the wait list is too long and I need to make a decision today or tomorrow as every day it grows. At the moment it's still cells and I that doesn't upset me. It's only the potential of it being a lift that is stopping me. The what ifs. But really... does it matter at this point?

I just don't think I'm ready for it just yet.

You say u were in a similar position. What did you do? How were u feeling? How do u feel now?

I chatted in my head and I chatted to people I knew. My head became overpowered with negatives, depression and stress overpowered too. So much so that my heart and the positive parts in my head, lost the battle.
To explain it I was 99.8% no and 0.2% yes, based in what I said up there. I was also pressurising myself based on time, so figured that I should go with 99.8%. But actually I wished I could have addressed the negatives and worked towards getting on a positive track, for the sake of the little life. I didn't push enough to get help I needed.
How do I feel now: Up and down. I have regret and guilt. I don't think I will get over it, but I have to live with it. And I was not prepared for how I was going to feel, the clinics are good at explaining the physical symptoms and offer councilling, but they don't give warning of the emotional impact it could have.

You are setting yourself a short deadline to decide. So you REALLY need to dig deep and explore what is important too you and what is the right desision.. What will have changed in 6 months when you planned to get pregnant? Biologically it is a small number of cells. But it's a one off unique group of cells, that could be a baby with its unique temperament, personality and features.

My own experience of reading the other posts, I see women making a choice with their heads, all the practical considerations and don't let their heart speak enough. Then make a decision and their heart is hurt or broken.

You say you are not ready yet, but that is OK and you're not going to be the only one. If that is what is making you feel like you should not proceed, I would make a list of those reasons in one column and then in the other column put solutions and if you don't have solutions, you can ask for help on here, other Internet resources, friends etc.

Where there is a will, there is a way!

If you are in any doubt, don't take the pills. Iv seen a number of posts from ladies who did and then feel they made a knee jerk reaction. Another few days is a small amount in the terms of a pregnancy.

Xx

My biggest piece of advice is get yourself to 100% in a decision before you make it.

Pen and paper is a good tool, rather than it being all in your head.

Head and heart

Oh wow thank you for sharing.
That's a really powerful story and message thank you, I will take that all on board and perhaps give myself another few days.

Can I ask did you go on to have more children?

I do agree with you. I will make the lists tonight.

What really hasn't helped too is that my bloody mother in law is staying, she came the day after I found out and leaving tomorrow so I've had to hide this for the whole weekend and not discuss with my partner as much as I'd liked! :(

I hear what ur saying about the unique set of cells.

X

Hope you are OK. Iv sent you some dms
Xx

I appreciate the national services have long waiting lists for counselling buit ive managed to get quick counselling through places like ARCH, Stillwaters and my local charitiy- im not sure where you are based but there are places where you can talk to people quickly. if you need more information just dm me. i found talking to someone indepedent helpful as my thoughts just became so muddled with the anexity and pressure to make a quick decision. sending you wishes- more women than one ever realises are faced with this horrendous decision x