Considering termination / abortion

[Mamato2girlss]

Hi, I desperately need some friendly ears / advice / guidance. I’m so lost and upset over the situation I am in. I found out on Saturday I am 2-3 weeks pregnant with baby number 3. The problem is that I have an almost 6 month old and a 2.3 year old. Both were born via emergency/elective c section. I suffer post birth with emotions (as most women do) not PND just the usual hormones for quite a few weeks and I don’t have the most supportive partner emotionally. He also works a lot as he has his own business and gets very stressed. Both pregnancies have been emotionally quite unsupported. I lost my mum when I was a teen and now a huge fear I have is leaving the girls without a mum and this is something in the forefront of my mind with the prospect of having to have a 3rd c section so soon after my last. They like you to wait longer between babies. I don’t even want to get into how angry I am with myself for getting into this mess. I don’t live near my family (dad and sis) nor my friends. I feel totally alone and overwhelmed with the decision I have to take. The thought of an abortion makes me feel sick especially since I have had my two children and the worry that I will forever regret my decision. I don’t want my current children to miss out on me whilst I look after a newborn especially my youngest as she will only be a little over 1 if I go ahead. I don’t feel mentally or physically ready for another pregnancy but I am just being selfish in that this isn’t good timing. I’ve also not taken any folic acid. I have so many thoughts going round - my mind decision making feels so flawed and just completely come to a stop. Has anyone been through similar ? Can anyone offer me any advice? Thank you for listening and sorry for rambling xxx

I don’t have much advice about the risks of having c sections close together but I do have experience of having children close together and unexpectedly so.

When I found out I was expecting my second DD my youngest DD was only 5 months old so will be a similar age gap to your situation. I totally freaked out and also felt like I couldn’t face another pregnancy, newborn stage, and worried how I would cope with two so close together and little support.

I continued with the pregnancy and it worked out well in terms of being able to give enough attention to my oldest. We did all the usual things together and my youngest DD came along and either slept/joined in. My experience seemed to be less stressful than parents with children who have bigger age gaps since I was already in the swing of things with the baby stage. You adapt quickly and since they’re so close in age, they are now best friends. It’s been (mostly) wonderful. I would say, if you go ahead, not to put too much pressure on yourself to do everything. If there are days when you need to say no to going out that’s ok.

We are currently TTC and hopefully, if we are successful, will plan to have another soon afterwards as this has worked so well last time. It was tiring and stressful at times but definitely worth it.

I personally think that having another brother or sister could be a good thing for your other children, especially as they grow up.

I am in a similar situation, but have a problem any advice please.
I found out I was pregnant earlier this week, I knew when it happened and my husband feels so guilty, being 41 and all ready having children one at 23, I have no intention of having anymore, even though when you are a mum the process is still upsetting, but my mind is set, also at my age there are complications and I had pre eclampsia with my first, so being old would get this again.
I have my telephone consultation with msi on the 19th, I am 3 weeks today from the day I conceived but from my last period classed as 5 weeks.
Anyway, apart from medical and ages issues, I have extremely high anxiety, and this unexpected pregnancy couldn't have come at the worst time, I am due to go on holiday next week, I am due to fly, so I am worrying about everything and I know I won't fully enjoy myself with the pregnancy, also I worry with my age what if its eptopic, what if its this that the other.
If I cancel my holiday I will lose money, my husband won't mind as such but I really really do not know what to do, I'm so scared if I have a natural miscarriage or anything else while abroad and still pregnant.
My minds everywhere, like everyone wishing I wasn't in this predicament, I also did take the morning after pill, but I thought I had already ovulate as I do feel when I do, so I knew in my head once I was a day over my period as theu are like clock work.
Has anyone been in this situation waiting and wanting an termination but flying.
Any advice. Thank you.

Hey i am sorry to read of your predicament. Sending a hug. It really is a situation we just wish we wasn’t in isn’t it. I too took the morning after pill. I didn’t realise if you have ovulated it doesn’t work! It all happened really similar to how yours did. I was cross with him. I think I’m about the same amount of time as you. My appt is at my local hospital on 20th this month. BPAS doesn’t have funding in my area and MSI are miles away from me. I’m going to have the scan then and see what they say and also talk in depth about my risks. I’m also going to try and talk to my sister this week about it as she has a good head on her shoulders. It’s so hard once you have babies, I had a termination when I was younger and in a really terrible relation and whilst still not easy, I don’t remember this turmoil I have now. I keep back and forth every day. I think you should go on your holiday and try to not think about it as best you can. Leave the worry at home if you are able. So many people fly not knowing they are pregnant until further along than you are so I think you would be fine medically as so early but I am not clinical. Could you call your GP for some advice? Or try and contact a local midwife? Your gp should be able to help or childrens centre/health visitor if you are able to get a number for them (usually more obtainable than a midwife) and they can put you in touch. My gp was pretty useless with advice for repeat c sections but they should be more versed in early pregnancy. Good luck. I hope you manage to feel some peace whilst away have a good holiday despite this all going on in your mind ❤️ I really feel for you x

Hya, I too have had an abortion before, one when I was young before children and another some years later when I just had the one child, the 1st I was too young so it wasn't the right time, the 2nd I was going to keep but, my partner at the time wasn't right, some abuse and I was so scared of getting pre eclampsia again and leaving the son I had, so both of them still upset me to this day, and they are always in my heart but it was and has always been the right thing.
The same with this pregnancy, I 100% know in my heart I don't want another, I just think when it's 8 I will be 50 nearly it wouldn't be fair either, plus the risks of downs and other problems having a child over 40, and I have 3 children so no more definitely wasn't my plan.
If I was you I'd be the same as well, I very never had a c section but if you are on your own a lot and very young children already, along with a new baby and recovering from an operation would be mentally and physically draining and not good at all.
I hope I get funded with msi as I don't even know yet till my consultant phone call, BPS was too far so I never made contact, I did with my local hospital but they never called back when I left a voicemail.
Also I don't think I want the medical one either as I had that with my 2nd abortion and I didn't like the experience, it wasn't painful or anything like that it was the Mental side of it.
Is ypuron the 20th the phone consultant xxx