Abortion 15 weeks unsupportive partner

[unsureuser14]

Hi,
I am 15 weeks pregnant and just do not want to continue with this pregnancy. My partner is so excited and wouldn't support a termination at this point. His family and mine know which makes this so much more difficult.

I have spoke to a clinic who said I would need a surgical abortion at this point, but I know my partner won't be on board with this...
I have no idea what to do, if I can hide this from my partner or what to even say... If anyone can give advice or help that would be very appreciated.

Thank you.

I personally think it is far too late, it would be far too traumatic for both you and the baby. I am also just coming up for 15 weeks and just could not think of anything worse at this stage.

What are your reasons for terminating at this point in the second trimester if you have a supportive partner? Health related? Mental and/or physical?

I have two kids already, two dogs, I’m in uni, my life is manic already and I barely have a minute to stop. I said after two I was done and I caught unexpectedly.
i have had constant nausea, got anti sickness tables which don’t work! Sickness, headaches, tired. I know everyone thinks it’s crazy when you have a supportive partner and he is fab, but it’s me who has to look after another child whilst he works 6am-6pm 5/6 days a week. It’s me who has to put my whole life on hold. And then there’s the financial cost of having another baby, a new car a bigger house…

I had a abortion at 17 weeks due to my mental health really suffering plus being sick all the time.
My dh was excited plus our families knew about pregnancy and all excited. But I just couldn’t do it I told my dh that I just can’t do it as I was starting to feel suicidal. It hurt him but he understood then plus at the end of the day it’s your body and your choice.
I know a lot of people won’t agree but I told everyone that knew that I had to terminate due to medical reasons.
Your partner should only want what’s best for you and if it’s not the right time there’s always another time and don’t let anyone guilt you into keeping it.

It’s not too late at all. That someone else judges it too late for them personally has absolutely no bearing on whether it’s the right option for you.

you know him best, so it’s up to you whether it’s wise to tell him or not beforehand. If you think he will bully you out of it and make it impossible for you, then don’t. You don’t owe him a baby, and although he may want it, you don’t. Does it suck? Yes, but unfortunately that’s the way it is. Ultimately your responsibility is to yourself and your own needs. You are the one that would have to go through pregnancy, birth, and raising a child you don’t want. You would in all likelihood be the one doing the lions share of said raising too.

if you choose not to say anything to him beforehand then make sure to arrange childcare on the day of the procedure. If you need to talk to someone but don’t think there’s anyone in real life that will be provide support you need, you can speak to a counsellor at the clinic. It won’t be the first time they’ve seen a woman in the same situation, and they can help you.

it’s your choice, and what you decide over your own body is what counts here. He doesn’t get to decide that for you.

Hi, please could I pm you? In a very similar situation to you myself x

Hi, could someone PM me please I am so sad and so confused. I’m also 15 weeks pregnant and my mental health is declining. I don’t know if I’m getting depressed because I don’t want a baby and I’m scared and getting depressed or if it’s just prenatal depression and I’ll regret if I have a termination.
i need help.

@CoralPlayer do you have anxiety? Speak to a doctor and a midwife. It's important to have as much support as you can. Join a Facebook group of your due date and talk to women about how you're feeling. An abortion is easy to have but once the pregnancy hormones disappear and you feel normal...the grief that came with mine was unbareable. Do proper research before you have one.

@heartbroken22 thanks so much for your reply.
i was on antidepressants before falling pregnant and stopped taking them as soon as i found out. I think this is obviously a contagious factor in me feeling this low.
When I found out I was so happy but now every day I wake up with complete dread and keep hoping I have a miscarriage so that I don’t have to make the decision to terminate, as I know I will feel very depressed afterwards and may even regret it if/when I start feeling back to normal.
I’ve never felt so confused about something in my life and also never felt so down and depressed. Every day I wake up and think, I need to make a decision and fast but something is stopping me from going through with it.
i just hope I don’t get to later stages and regret not going through with a termination.
i don’t want to have a new born baby and suffering with severe depression I think that would be worse than having a termination in some ways.
what made you terminate if you don’t mind me asking?

@CoralPlayer you seem strong so follow your heart. Any doubts then don't do it. I think you are having doubts. People regret an abortion but never not having a termination. I'd say hold on and work on your depression. You can take anti depressants when you're pregnant. But I'd say meet people. Even if irs the Facebook groups. Talk to your midwife have a strong relationship with her.

For me it was because of hyperemesis and peri natal anxiety. I really wanted to keep it but because I had access to the pills in a moment of weakness I thought I was doing the right thing. I was being sick constantly couldn't function without the pills. Having the abortion made me feel so much guilt and regret than I got pregnant 3 months later. But I could cope through the anxiety and hg as I had more support from husband, doctors, midwife and also knowledge on how to cope with the sickness and anxiety. I found a Facebook group of my due date and so many women felt how I was feeling. I just thought if others can do it then why can't I. You just need that distraction.

I had a medical abortion and it was hard because I still felt sick for many weeks afterwards as I had retained products. I just thought what on earth? I could have just been patient and grown my baby for this many more weeks. I think you're very close to 20 weeks and then 25 and you're soon there. Depression can get better. It's temporary. But an abortion is permanent. You could be depressed following a termination.