Starting again 7 years later

[N400]

Hi everyone,
I wasn't sure what thread to post this in so I have put it in here and 'larger families'.
My partner and I (mid 30s) have 2 children ages 10 and 6. We said 2 is enough and have been happy with that.
We have spent many times looking at our friends with newborns saying "Oh gosh, I am so glad we don't have to go back to that!!" or having our days out with 10km off beaten track walks and saying "we could never do this with a toddler". We have made plans for our future, holidays everything that we said we can finally do now.

Joke is on us because failed contraception means I am now 5weeks 4 days pregnant. Found out a week ago and this morning my tablets arrived.
I felt like I had decided on my choice to end the pregnancy and finally felt at comfort with it, after a week of awful turmoil. I will admit, I have previously miscarried numerous times and was aware the HCG decreases so tests the line would get fainter and fainter. Part of me hoped this would happen so I didn't have to decide, but it hasn't.
The tablets are on the side of the kichen counter...I feel like I cannot take them however. My catholic faith feels like it has hit me like a ton of bricks, feelings like I am ending a life and just in general feeling like my mental health will be gravely impacted if I go through with it. Worrying that I will have deep regret and how I will cope. My children are constantly asking for a brother or sister, possibly due to the fact another family member is having one soon. I say "not a chance" so they huff and puff :').
When I think about continueing pregnancy, I think that my older children will be absolutely ecstatic and I love babies and children anyway, even though I didn't want more.

However, with the cost of living crisis, things will be SO tight. I then also worry about the relationship with my husband. I worry that even with the others being older, it will be even harder due to their own emotions and navigating those and high school. Not the mention childcare! We have none and that is the biggest issue. If money was not an object we probably wouldn't even be thinking about ending the pregnancy. But it is an issue. We have worked incredibly hard to get to where we are now, we are both in careers and are feeling frustrated with the upcoming increase in mortgage/gas/elec as we don't get to reap the benefits yet of all our hard work as everything else is increasing so we will still be skint. The thought of this and going back to this with a newborn feels scary. Essentially we are rewinding our clock 7 years again - or so it feels. But despite this I just don't know, deep down I think to keep it but then i flit back and forth.

I don't really know why I am writing this. Has anyone been in the same position with other children a similar age (one will be 7 and the other nearly 11 when possible baby is born). I genuinly feel like i do not have a clue what to do. I feel it is a lose-lose situation.

Anyone regret going ahead with the pregnancy or vice cersa.

Thanks

Same position as you op, the more I think about it the more I'm not sure.
Mine are only 6 and 8 but I had absolutely no intention of doing it all again.
I have been really lucky with my body bouncing back from the last pregnancies and feel like I might be pushing my luck to expect the same experience again.
Our 2 would have to share a room, and financially I'd probably be a SAHM with 3 as dh earns more.

I will say the longer you leave it the harder it is, I am 5 weeks 5 days and found out last Tuesday and I'm still in shock also hoping that it will come to a natural end so I don't have to decide.

I think deep down I know I don't want this but I don't know if I can bring myself to terminate and then see December come and go.
Maybe some counselling could clarify for you?
I'm not much help because I don't know what to do either but just thought I'd say your not the only one in this dilemma. I hope you can figure out what's best.

Sorry to hear you're in the same board. Mine was last Monday I found out so similar!

I've been to BPAS today for the tablets and thought I could do it but didn't realise it would be this hard. I actually rang on Monday to look at changing to surgical option instead as I thought it would be emotionally easier but I'd have to wait 3 or so weeks - hell no! Will keep you updated but hope you end up at peace with whatever decision you make xxx

What did you decide to do in the end op?
I still haven't made a decision.

Hey!
I couldn't go through with it so we are keeping it.

I sat with the tablets for ages and then was like right let's go, had it out the blister pack, to my mouth and my water ready but I just couldn't do it. I kept thinking of all these excuses like religion and stuff and my husband said I was making excuses whereas if I wanted to take the tablet I would have done and therefore I shouldn't take it because it's obviously not the right thing for us. I felt a wave of relief when he said that, and the the last week I've been petrified of the future but I know that for me it was the right decision.

BPAS told me do not take the tablet when you first get it if you have a wobble because many people panic and ring and say they regret it when in fact they actually don't regret it, it's just the panic their body is in. So have the tablets with you until you feel ready.

Good luck in whatever you decide to do, keep my updated, will be thinking of you
Xxx

You are ending a life and it's ok to acknowledge that c

.... whoops sorry pressed send by mistake.

Congrats on any choice you have made, it's your decision at the end of the day and you did what's best for you.