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Pregnancy choices

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Abortion regret

7 replies

Saskia2023 · 02/04/2023 08:49

I am such a mess, suicidal and life feels it will never be the same again. I am 40 with an older husband and a primary school child. Suffer ocd and aniexty. Found out end of jan was pregnant unplanned. But have been feeling broody so it felt meant to be. However, my fear overtook me and my husband wasn't keen due to his age and not wanting to start again. We spent days debating and I completely de-sentisied to what i was doing. I got caught up with negative reasons e.g childcare costs which we could have afforded and it being a winter baby. My husband thought we were discussing things rationally but I realise i was just frozen with worry and that its normal to feel worried in the early days of pregnancy. Within 10 days, we had terminated. I had not seen these discussion boards nor discussed it with anyone else beside my husband and I realise we were just going round in negative circles. i thought we both had to want the baby but now realise i really wanted the baby and my husband would have come round- he was just in shock. he kept saying things like it he was thinking of the 3 of us making me feel he knew what was best for our son. He is now saying that was his opinion not a fact whereas because i was in shock, i looked to him. Within half an hour of taking the first tablets I realised I had made a huge mistake. I didn't take the vaginal ones but lost it anyway. I think that has made it worse because for a few hours I thought I could save the situation. It has been the worse 8 weeks of my life- and thats saying something given there's been times when I was a teenager when i was suicidial. Everyday i just spend it crying, looking at forums or self-harming. I can;t even enjoy my little boy anymore as feel so guilty. I feel resentful at my husband as he doesn't feel he could have supported me better. I feel upset with the clinic as I told them i suffer from instrusive thoughts and regret my decisions and would need extensive counselling afterwards hoping they would pick up how I was feeling, but they didn't. they've given me 2 counselling sessions in 8 weeks. I am back on the doctor's suicide risk list- somewhere Ive not been for over 20 years. I've worked so hard over the years to manage my mental health and then a quick decision has put me back. I really wanted the baby and can't believe my mental health let me destroy something which could have bought happiness. I know there is no going back and the worse thing is we have caused this to ourselves.

OP posts:
RecycledKettle · 07/04/2023 16:17

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Saskia2023 · 08/04/2023 07:59

thank you. that sums up things exactly right what happened.I lost sight of what i wanted and was led b my husband and fears- i have found that website and will write something as think it will be helpful. 8 weeks on and the loss is all consuming.

OP posts:
RecycledKettle · 09/04/2023 14:04

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Message deleted by MNHQ. Previously banned poster.

Saraobi · 04/08/2023 13:24

@Saskia2023
I know you posted this awhile ago but wanted to see how you’re doing and to tell you that you’re not alone.
I medically terminated a surprise pregnancy in December and have had massive regrets and depression since then. I just completely freaked out and spiraled within two days of finding out. Although we hadn’t been trying for a baby and had decided we were done having kids, I had always thought if we got pregnant we would welcome another baby. Without getting too long winded, I had a lot of trauma around my last pregnancy and struggled with HG and PPD in my previous pregnancies. I was terrified of not being able to take care of the kids I have and my husband just didn’t respond the way I’d expected/hoped. Once the option was out there, it felt like I had to make an immediate decision and all I could see through the hormonal haze and sickness were the negatives. I’m also 40 and felt overwhelmed by the medical concerns of that along with a serious underlying medical condition we only found out about a week after the termination that was probably contributing to a lot of the physical symptoms. At the time, I didn’t find anything that indicated so many people in similar situations regret that choice tremendously. Everything I read seemed to say there wouldn’t be lasting emotional repercussions.
I’ve been in counseling and I think time passing has helped but it’s still really upsetting, especially as I would have been due soon.

I just wanted you to know you’re not alone and to check in on you. For me the grief comes in waves and sometimes I feel a mild regret and sadness around it while other times it feels totally crushing. I hope you are starting to feel more at peace.

SJL2409 · 26/09/2023 09:36

Hi, I'm writing here as I am struggling to come to terms with my decision to terminate. 7 years ago I had a traumatic birth with my son and subconsciously made a decision not to have another child. April I found out I was pregnant I didn't tell anyone for 2 weeks and I went into a downward spiral of keeping and not keeping, booking the pregnancy and then going to abortion bpas. Time went on and I couldn't cope with the ptsd and made a impulsive decision to terminate, as soon as I put the tablets in I knew it was the wrong decision and couldn't do anything to change it. I had a infection after the termination and had to go back and fourth to gaenacology for scans and antibiotics. I've been left with chronic pain, fear thar I may never catch pregnant again. I've been put on antidepressants and sleeping tablets as I started having a mental breakdown. My mum has moved in with me temporary to help me look after my son. I am riddled with guilt and regret and tbh struggling to function ATM. I've started counselling and hoping to start trying again this cycle, hoping everything will be OK and I will give my son a brother or sister. All want to say is sorry.

Saskia2023 · 26/09/2023 13:06

My heart breaks for you, there are a few of us on here who were the same- mh led to decisions which we truely regret and yet end up with far worse mh from the termination. its hard enough mentally to process everything let alone with physical side effects to. i hope the counselling is helping. all i would say if make sure you have grieved for what has happened before trying again. i stupidly rushed into getting pregnant again and its been difficult- as someone said to me you cant replace one prengnacy with another. so whilst i am certainly in a better place than a few months ago, i really wish i had taken the time to process everything properly. if nothing else so that with this baby he can feel loved for being him and so that i knew i was pregnant becuase i wanted another baby rather than just getting pregnant to try and overcome the pain of the termination. theres a few of us on here who support each other as its a lonely and complicated place to be in so please message any time

OP posts:
EmmaR251189 · 01/01/2024 03:52

Hi I'm really sorry to hijack your thread but I don't know how to post a new one of my own. I'm 34 and not a mum but don't feel like there's anyone better to understand than a group of people who are. I had an abortion around eight years ago (the relationship wasn't serious in his eyes, he turned out to be a really cruel guy as soon as he found out about the pregnancy and left me to deal with it on my own) I had my family's support and it wasn't the right time or right man but I STILL think about who that baby might have been and it makes me so desperate for a child. I have always wanted a baby I think I'd be an amazing mum but I'm scared that was my only chance. I am currently in a serious relationship and we have discussed children but he says we need to wait until we have a bigger house, steadier job (he is currently working agency work) and I know he wants a child and is been sensible and practical but I can't help feeling like time is running out for me. My parents had nothing when they had me and my brothers and gave us the best childhood ever, I don't want to struggle but I also don't want to miss my chance when I know I'd love my child more than anything and sacrifice anything I had to for it. I'm sorry if this sounds like a minor problem but I don't know who else to talk to, I feel like I'm meant to have a child and I'm scared it won't happen for me. ANY advice or just a some stories of similar situations would help, I've told my boyfriend but although he's sympathetic to how i feel I don't feel like he understands sometimes, I don't want my mum to worry by telling her, just need some good female advice ❤️ happy new year to you all

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