Took mifepristone then changed mind. Help.

[Tulip2018]

Please, please try not to judge me. I promise I am a fairly sane, educated woman who acts rationally.

Last March I had a termination at 8.5 weeks pregnant, the main reason being HG in my pregnancy, even at that point was awful. I also had PND with my first two children and was in a MH hospital for 2
months with my first.

looking back, I should never have had the abortion. I was suffering from peri natal depression already and a huge part of me clearly wanted the baby (I had notes of names and had a baby list on Amazon of stuff we’d need, was looking at bigger cars.)

Fast forward to now, Im four weeks pregnant and when I took the test last week (I had sore boobs which is always a giveaway for me) I went into instant panic/omg what have I done/meltdown mode. Immediately to the negatives.

I called BPAS, got the pills within 48 hours and took the mifepristone. After an hour I felt devastated and very “what have I done?!” Now this is where I lose my flipping mind.

I found an anti abortion organisation in the US who put me in touch with a UK doctor who sent a digital prescription to my pharmacy for progesterone. I started it immediately.

Two days later, I have another panic “omg my poor kids. What if I get depressed again, they need me?” Then decided to go take the misopristol. 20 mins later, I change my mind AGAIN and manage to pull 3 (not 4) out and immediately take two progesterone pessaries. I am aware I sound UNHINGED at best.

3 days later, I had some light pink discharge, my pregnancy tests are getting stronger, as are my symptoms. I continued with the progesterone for 3 more days and then stopped because a.) I’m progesterone intolerant (I have pmdd) and b.) I felt that I’d messed with fate too much and what will be will be.

My concern now is that I’ll carry the baby to term and they’ll be disabled. I know misopristol use is linked to Moebius syndrome and I’m terrified. I’m also aware I need counselling and that this amount of back and forth isn’t normal.

please, please has anyone been in a similar situation? I have to talk to someone, anyone, I’m losing my mind.

finally just to say - my husband has been supportive and says it’s my decision and he’ll support either way. He is also worried about the health of the baby if we continue.

I’m really sorry to hear you’re in this situation and no judgements at all from me. If you’d just taken the first tablet I believe it would’ve been okay but since you’ve taken misoprostol there is a high likelihood of problems down the line, I really do think you need to proceed with the termination now you have started it. That’s not to say you can’t TTC again, immediately after, if you like. But I think you need to continue with this for the reasons you’ve said. Sending lots of hugs

Oh good grief you poor poor woman. I can’t imagine how you must be feeling. My overwhelming immediate reaction is that you just do not seem stable enough to be able to have this baby, regardless of what may have now happened to it in terms of fetal defects.

I think you need to take it seriously and recognise that you’re not ready to have another child yet. Take some time out, have some counselling, get your sh*t together, then try for another baby when you’re absolutely categorically convinced that you’re stable enough to handle it.

In the meantime, give your husband and children a cuddle and don’t be too hard on yourself.

FWIW it also feels almost inhumane to continue with a pregnancy of a child that may now live with irreversible birth defects through what are essentially totally avoidable actions. I wish for your sake that wasn’t the case, but unfortunately it is.

Hi, having been in a similar situation I couldn't read and not comment.
Peri natal depression and hormones cause us to feel like we are losing our minds.
I too am normally a sane calm person but during pregnancy I feel like I lose my mind....it's going to ruin mine and children's lives and a black cloud descends over me.
Unfortunately in my last pregnancy it was too late and I couldn't think clearly.
If you want to keep the baby it sounds like the misopristol didn't even have time to dissolve. Which means there isn't necessarily a high risk of issues. Please try and speak to maternity department and get referred to their mental health team.
Also have a look at PANDAs it's a support service for people struggling with peri natal depression.
Hope this helps. You're not alone feeling like this in pregnancy. If you haven't been there it's hard for others to understand and I've found not spoken about enough in pregnancy. I've found it's often assumed that feeling like this means you don't want the baby but actually that's not the case.

Thanks for your comments. Surely if
my body had absorbed the misopristol then I would have had cramps/bleeding?

https://pandasfoundation.org.uk/

Thank you for your kindness @Lostinlifenow I’ve reached out to Stillwaters.

@Tulip2018 yes I think if your body had absorbed it you would definitely feel cramps which is why I think there's a high chance it wouldn't cause any harm.

@Tulip2018 the data you'll find on misopristol and defects will most likely be where abortions are failed...so the tablets have been absorbed. They possibly will have had bleeding but the pregnancy has continued despite this.
Don't feel pushed into making a decision either way... you still have time. I'm glad you've reached out for support. Xx

Thank you @Lostinlifenow my digital tests have progressed from 1-2 weeks to 3+ so I know the hormones are increasing, I just worry about the baby and of course about going to a scan and it not being viable. FWIW, I actually feel fine mentally now, a big problem I have is my mum (she lives with us) and although she’s wonderful, she’s very negative and is adamant it’s a bad idea which I think panicked me.

@Tulip2018 that's a good sign that the hormones are increasing and that everything is hopefully progressing how it should be!
It is hard when people are negative about a situation especially when hormones are raging! I find my mum the same at times and have to limit how much time i spend with her but understand that's hard if live together.
Could you have an early scan to hopefully put your mind at rest?

Thanks again @Lostinlifenow yes I used to limit it too, but she is wonderful in other ways. I will definitely book an early scan but I don’t know if it’s even possible to detect abnormalities such as Moebius on any scan, even the anomaly scan at 20 weeks. As I said, I managed to take 3 out but one remained.

@Tulip2018 it's difficult isn't it! Maybe write a list of positives to read when you feel the negativity is getting to you. If you took 3 out I would think 1 wouldn't be enough to cause any detrimental effect. Could you call early pregnancy and ask to speak to a Consultant? Just make sure you explain 3 tablets were removed.

@Tulip2018 An update? How did everything turn out for you?

Could you let us know how you and the baby are ? going through something similar x

Hi just want to ease you a bit. I took mifepristone not because I wanted to have an abortion but the doctors thought that I had a missed miscarriage but they were wrong I have decided to take mifepristone coming on the day of the second tablet I was bleeding heavily with heavy clots they send me for scan before taking the second tablet fortunately the baby was alive moving around and I decided to keep the pregnancy and now I have a healthy baby without any birth defects.

P.s when I took mifepristone I bled heavily for more than 2weeks with heavy clots I was thinking that i have lost the baby but noooo the baby was there and was deliver at 9months. Good luck for those who want to keep the pregnancy.

Hiya,
Can I ask.. Where did you find the people to contact to get the progesterone pills? I’m going through exactly the same, took the first pill last night led in bed then was sick about 30 minutes after but not sure if it would have come out and if it did if all of it or not. I really don’t want to loose this baby, I feel such an idiot. I’m frantically making calls etc but it’s Sunday so I’m struggling 😢

I did not take any progesterone they say it was not allowed to take progesterone so I just decided to pray , pray and pray. God answered my prayers. I juste went to every scan 13weeks, 19weeks, 23 weeks and 30th weeks every scan showed the baby was perfect and in good condition but they told me the baby may not hear or may have lips cleft or a syndrome I can't remember but nooooo I gave birth to a healthy, beautiful baby girl she is 3months old now and she is now doing the baby talk and smiling a lot ❤️

Ah I was asking the OP as she said she spoke to a doctor who put her in touch with a UK doctor to get the progesterone!

happy to hear your story turned out so positive, take care!xx

wow our situations are identical. I attempted to throw up the mifepristone after about 45 minutes of thinking what have I done. Hoping I can get progesterone over the counter tomorrow and that taking it for a few days will help counter the effects of the mifepristone.. I’ve had the slightest cramps but I had been having them on and off since finding out about the pregnancy anyway.. wishing you luck with however you decide to go forward 🫶🏽

It’s so terrible this feeling isn’t it. I’ve been having cramps and I’m petrified, I don’t know if I even ‘feel’ pregnant anymore 😔. Are you in the UK? How would you go about getting progesterone over the counter?cxx

I am yes, I intended to go to the pharmacy and just ask for the mini pill (progesterone only contraceptive pill) to purchase. I think they can be purchased from online pharmacies as well it’s just you’d have to wait for delivery too. In the end I decided to continue the process which although heartbreaking felt best for me after everything. Im keeping my fingers crossed for you 🙏🏽❤️