Just need to tell someone

[UnexpectedlyExpecting]

Just found out I’m pregnant this morning but I’m not sure it’s really sunk in yet even though I already knew in my gut.

I’m nearly 40 and a lone parent to 3 children aged teen to adult. Parenthood hasn’t been easy but now they’re getting older, things are coming together and we’re in a much better place. I’m ready to start focusing on my career. I don’t want to have to start again at this stage of my life.

I’m absolutely sure that a termination is the right thing to do but I still really sad about it. I have never experienced joy at a positive pregnancy test and have missed out on so much due to my DC’s fathers shirking all responsibility. I suppose it’s tempting to tell myself stories of this time being different. But I know it won’t. It’s just a reminder that I’m always left holding the pieces.

I can’t book the termination until next week when I’m further along. I can’t tell anyone either so I’m going to have to carry on with this and just pretend it’s not happening. Then there’s the shame and embarrassment.

Just needed to say this somewhere.

Really sorry to hear this. I would really recommend phoning someone like BPAS just to talk things through and also write things down. Do a list of pros and cons and imagine your life in a few years time- how do you see it happening? I had an abotion a few weeks ago and rushed into it with just my thoughts whirling around my head and didn't speak to anyone. Whilst doing these may not have changed what I did, I would have felt more at peace. You need to do what you need to do for your life but you have time to make the decision that works for you rather than making once in a panic/feeling overwhelmed. Sending you love

Thank you for your kind words and advice @Saskia2023. I’m sorry to hear you wish things could have been different for you.

I have the first phone consultation today and then will go in tomorrow for a scan and to take the first tablets. I’ve opted not to have counselling as I’m sure this is the right thing for me and my family and I don’t want to delay further.

I'm really struggling with all day morning sickness. I have another long term condition that has flared up causing me pain. On top of all this, I have family visiting and everyone is trying to plan meals and trips which I’m going to have to get out of somehow. I just want this all to be over.