Mental health 15 months post abortion

[1256babyor455]

Hello
Please be kind as this is still quite sensitive to me.

Has anyone still felt down / depressed/ sad year/s after their abortion? When did it get better? I read lots of threads about women feeling relief and peace after their termination -none of which I am feeling and wanted to know when did it become easier for you? A year? Two? I just want to go to sleep for a long while and not wake up.

I had a abortion 15 months ago, around 6 weeks pregnant. I had just lost my DM four weeks previously and terminated for financial reasons (I have 3 dc, we were renting & both myself & dh had received redundancies ...it was an incredibly, incredibly crap month!) . We have moved mountains since that day we found new work, I worked every hour sent to me and scraped enough together for a house deposit. We moved towns and I thought the new chapter would be good for us.My dh keeps reiterating that I should be grateful for what we have, 3 gorgeous kids, the house we bought, what I've achieved in that space of time but my oh my my heart feels absolutely shattered beyond belief. I know I'm miserable to be around but I don't know how to snap out of it.

I find it hard to get out of bed, I blink and I'm transported back to January 28th all I can see Is that sac on my foot and blood on the bathroom floor. Every day. I'm constantly shaking, I have no emotions just bone crushingly tired and weepy. I find mothering hard, I find being awake hard. I want a break, a holiday from this life but we still can't afford that. I go to work/ school pick up hear about pregnancy announcements and I'm so envious. I know what I did was right for our family but it wasn't right for me. I wonder what she would of looked like, I picture a seven month old at our dinner table, i miss her every day, I just can't seem to move on and I don't know what to do.

Hiya, just wanted to see how you are? Sorry your going through such a bad time at the moment . I hope someone can come along and offer you some helpful advice. I’m not much help as also in the same situation but am doing better than this time last year . Had many of the same problems your describing with shaking , crying, flashbacks to the day of the abortion over and over in my head. I was very very poorly and was close to suicide.
Now I’m trying to recover and take antidepressants every day . I try and motivate myself by being a better mum to my kids and making sure they have a good life . My heart breaks every day for the decision I made but i think if you can focus on your kids and positive things it can really help .

Thank you for your reply - it's nice (right word?) To know I'm not alone. I feel like there was no after support after the termination. Did you find the antidepressants help? I think it might be my next step (just building the courage up). Its been incredibly tough and lonely - a weird kinda grief that you're not allowed to talk about.

I'm finding all the pregnancy announcements at work hard 4 are currently expecting- colleagues keep gently teasing that I'll be next as I already have 3. I'm trying to keep it all together just feel so lost and unsure what the next steps are.

Really appreciate your reply. 😗

There are support groups for post abortion trauma. Just because some people feel relief and can move on it doesn't mean everybody can. I think you should tthink about counselling and you can talk through your feelings. .

Hi @1256babyor455
I just wanted to comment to let you know you're not alone.
It'll be a year next month that after struggling to make a decision I decided to terminate.

Nothing has been the same since. I made the decision out of fear and anxiety. Worried I wouldn't be able to support the 3 children i have financially and emotionally. My husband thought it was the right decision and still does.
Which makes it harder as he doesn't understand the grief I feel. I've lost myself and everything has changed since the day.
I am starting counselling soon from an organisation called Arch trust who specialise in counselling for women who struggle after abortions.... I don't know if it'll help but I need to try. Might be something you'd like to look into? I think it is more common than people want to be known or admit! No one talks about it and the expectation is that people will feel relief.