Deeply regret abortion & need a hand hold

[ShoeClues]

I think I made the wrong choice.

I was scared and afraid, worried about how pregnancy and baby would impact our relationship and felt anxious we’ve not yet bought our home. We have stable income. in a committed relationship of over 3 years and planning to marry this year. No children yet but it’s all I have ever dreamed of, and we were planning them for later on this year anyway All that went out the window when I found myself unexpectedly pregnant and I had a knee jerk reaction and had an early medical termination last month.

I didn’t want to sit and think it over for any longer as I was worried I would notice symptoms. Friends are having babies and there’s positive pregnancy tests everywhere. I met my friend’s new baby the other day and only made the association when I came home, that that was a whole new person that I will never meet.

I feel so very sad and that the only thing that could make this better would be a rewind button, which I obviously don’t have. We would have been fine. Most babies aren’t planned. Why did I panic?

I’m seeking counselling from BPAS but don’t know the rules and guidance around how long you should leave it until you try again.
Sorry to use this as my venting space, I just had to get it off my chest as although DP is a good listener I don’t think anyone who hasn’t been through it can fully understand what this feels like

Hey hun! I’m sorry to hear this. I’ve been there and I can only imagine how you feel. It feels like the right decision to make when your actually pregnant and sometimes we come up with the best excuses to have a termination. ( everyone’s situation is different of course)

I terminated twins a few years back and deeply regretted it as I felt I could hear my babies crying from afar. I’ve recently been able to forgive myself for it and I knew moving forward I would never be in that situation again.

I would definitely advise you to speak with Bpas and get the support offered there as they would be used to these sort of concerns.
I would also ask you to try and start healing by forgiving yourself for it. We all make mistakes that we terribly regret at times. I wouldn’t rush to try again especially after this as it could be frustrating when it doesn’t happen right away. Then your back to feeling horrible about it because you’ll think about this termination again making it hard to forgive yourself for it, you know what I mean.

Is your partner supportive ? And how is he with it all. I do hope he does encourage you and ask him to support you though the next few weeks.

So sorry for your experience, to both posters.

I don't know if my experience will help but. I had an unplanned pregnancy, I wanted to keep it but was essentially manipulated into ending it. I also had a knee jerk moment, and decided to terminate at the end of October, I felt relief as I knew it was the right thing to do. That relief ended the moment my pregnancy did. I ended up in an extremely dark place and became obsessed with tracking my ovulation, trying to get pregnant again and being absolutely broken when it didn't work the first time.
I fell pregnant again end of December/early January. As happy as I am to be pregnant and knowing that, as long as all goes well, I will be bringing home a baby... I truly wish I had waited longer. Every new week, new appointment, new symptom and every scan I've had; all I do is compare it to what I imagine it would have been like with my first. I'm still grieving that baby, and it does sometimes ruin the happiness I have for this one... which obviously then turns to guilt for both babies. And those sad moments can become overpowering. Sometimes I think that if it wasn't for the first baby, would I have even wanted this one. Or if I had waited, would I have still tried to conceive. And that's heartbreaking because I wouldn't give this one up for the world and he is very much wanted.

I know how painful the regret is, having to grieve something you did even though it felt right at the time. But I truly recommend having counselling and waiting until you're more at peace with what has happened. You will get through this, and you will forgive yourself for what has happened, just take it slowly and allow yourself to feel whatever it is you need to feel.

Thank you for your kind words and I really appreciate the thought of sharing your story too. Congratulations by the way, please do not feel guilty or feel like your replacing any termination.
I would see it like this, If you hadn’t make the mistake of aborting the first pregnancy you’d wouldn’t have this bundle of joy on the way.

Everything happens for a reason and I’ve learnt it’s okay to freak out when your pregnant as your life changes even if it’s the 2nd 3rd it will work out eventually! Thanks again and Congrats ! Your already a superhero mum.

I resonate with this so much. Identical situation
been with my partner 3 years, we planning our wedding for next year more likely the year after now.
both stable and want kids, but said In the next year or so. Also want to buy our first home, as we’ve just started a good business which is taking off. But needs 24/7 work, so very demanding but rewarding and leaves me no time. On top of that I’ve just got over the shock of losing my step mother who passed in September. My mh suffered so much, I have only just started to smile again
so when we found out I was pregnant it was such a shock, and we felt it was so awful as this was what we dreamed of and spoke about over the past 2 years.
however we both wasn’t excited, we were petrified and so scared. We kept going back and forth I was 50/50 but then looked at all the factors of wanting to sort my mh out, move into a bigger place as we have no room, sort finances and have more time to build the business we’ve just started.
ive been in such a dark place, i acted in such pain and fear, quickly making what we thought was the best choice. Since now to realise my heart is broken and i panicked. I was all over the place and didn’t get any real support from the clinic, I took the first pill and say I wouldn’t take the rest and they told me to proceed with the termination. No support at all. Since then I’ve asked for help, because I am so Broken, angry and riddled with grief and regret and I’ve never known regret, I’ve had a hard life. And I know pain and depression so well, but this is unbearable 💔
how are you coping? My heart goes out to you
all
x

Hey lovely, you’re welcome to PM me. Sounds like a pretty much identical situation. Bless you. Not easy. And you’re right there needs to be more support xx