Terrified of abortion after miscarriage trauma

[HchyScott]

I’m looking for some advice and support but want to warn that this may be triggering for those who’ve miscarried.

Last may I had pretty medically traumatic miscarriage. I was 13 +4 but apparently it was a missed miscarriage so the baby was measuring 8 and a half weeks.

I started bleeding on the Thursday, scan to confirm Saturday morning where I chose to let nature take its course. I have a 3 year old already, found childbirth enjoyable on gas and air and have very painful heavy periods which they assured me, would be similar. By Sunday morning we called an ambulance. I was in severe pain and bleeding profusely with codeine not even taking the edge off. I was given gas and air, then morphine and was still in total agony. After being examined they determined everything was stuck therefore I needed emergency surgery. Right as I was about to be taken to theatre, everything passed and I was monitored for a few hours before being sent home.

That was a planned and very much wanted pregnancy after suffering with severe PND with my DD. It took me a long time to decide whether to try for a second and I was thrilled when I fell pregnant.

After the miscarriage I was pretty traumatised by what happened. I really thought I might die, I’d never seen so much blood or felt pain like it and over the last 10 months it’s solidified that we won’t have anymore children plus the fact I have been diagnosed with pelvic congestion syndrome which adds another medical consideration.

Now I find myself pregnant ( failed condom) and I’m absolutely devastated and terrified. I know for certain I don’t want to go through with the pregnancy, mentally and physically it would break me.

I’ve spoken to bpas (Tuesday lunchtime) and they said I need a scan within 48 hours because I have pain but there are none locally so I’m just waiting for a call before consultation on Friday.

Im so scared. From last period I would be 5 weeks, I’m so frightened of getting any where near the 8 week mark because of how horrific my miscarriage was. So scared of doing medical termination at home incase it goes as badly as the miscarriage. Scared of waiting. I know there’s so many thoughts and hopefully once I have the consultation on Friday I might feel abit better about it but until then I was hoping someone might have some advice?

sorry for the ridiculously long post but this one is so much about the backstory I had to share.

Hi @HchyScott, first of all I'm so sorry you're going through this and I'm sending you so much strength at this tough time 💐

I've never experienced a miscarriage, but I had an abortion 5 years ago. I was 7 weeks at the time and opted for a surgical abortion under general anesthetic, it lasted less than 10 minutes and I was home in my bed recovering within about an hour - I know some people prefer to go for a medical abortion as it somehow feels more natural, but perhaps considering surgical might be an option for you seeing as how tough your miscarriage was - I was totally asleep for the whole procedure and the recovery was quite quick for me - perhaps talk to your provider about the different options out there, but maybe going down a route as dissimilar to your miscarriage might help you through the process mentally that little bit better ❤️

If I can help you with any other questions whatsover, feel free to reach out.

Take care of yourself 💕

@bobb11
thank you so much for replying.
My first thought was exactly that, opt for surgical that way I’m asleep for the actual moment. However, I’ve looked into it and it seems they only offer it as an option for those over 14 weeks due to covid.
I’ll definitely be asking about it when I have my consultation tomorrow but in the meantime it’s so helpful to hear from you, reassuring to know you chose that route and you were okay so thank you for replying.
I just can’t process that this time last year I was pregnant and absolutely over the moon about it and here I am at the opposite end of the spectrum!

@HchyScott ah I see, perhaps if you explain your situation regarding the previous miscarriage they could accommodate your request 🙏

For me, I never doubted going down the surgical route, the decision to terminate was difficult enough in itself without the wait of a medical termination to take hold etc. But I've also read stories on here of women having medical abortions and they were ok with their decision, as that's what they had chosen - hopefully someone who has had a positive medical termination can help shed some more light on that route too so you can make the best decision for you.

Listening to yourself and how you feel is all you can do ❤️

All in all, your making a decision which feels right for you and whichever route you go down, I wish you a healing recovery ❤️