I am really struggling. On the last six months I have had 2 abortions. I know they were the right thing to do but I'm struggling with feeling guilty and also the loneliness of dealing with it all alone and being made to feel worthless by the father's. (Yes there were 2 but please hold judgement)
I decided on the first abortion due to my relationship breaking down. He wasn't affectionate, wasn't appreciative of the fact I did everything for him and his kids due to him having a job which meant he worked all hours. He would come in bot say hello, eat the dinner I'd prepared sot in front of the TV and fall asleep. I got to the point were I felt so unwanted I just had to end it. We had only lived together 3 months and had sex once...and yes after we split up 3 days later I found out I was pregnant.
He wasn't the best father to his kids..only saw them every other weekend and made no effort to spend quality time with them just letting them watch TV....which o changed whilst we were together ...so given that and how he had treated me I decided to not keep it. Hale had said he didn't want me or the baby and proceeded to ask his sister to get a test so I could prove how far along I wasm he disappeared at this point for a few days. Granted he took em to the first appointment for the abortion be he then disappeared for 5 days starting on the day of the second set of tablets. Only asking how my dinner was on the day. So I dealt with it all alone ...making with a break up and having to move house. Heard nothing from him since I stopped bleeding and he started a new relationship 6 weeks later.
The most recent abortion was with my ex before (I slept with him in rebound) we had been getting on well and he had supported me through moving house etc. But I hadn't had a period for 3 months and I took the double dose of the morning after pill and still got pregnant. He sent me the most vile messages calling me a slag and that I was a psycho and had forced him into sex. None of this being true. Told me he would only support me if I made the right decision. As soon as I said I wasn't keeping the baby he said he would support me. Only to be left to cope alone at the first appointment...he was there on the day and then nothing since. Almost like he was just checking it had gone. I since broke down in front of him due to a bad bleed day...he just stared at me and has not spoken to me since and blocked me.
It's all very hard to deal with and I don't know where to start with getting past all the pain and the worthless feeling o have by being left to cope alone.