Hi, I’m writing this experience in hopes it helps someone else.
I know there are many horror stories out there and there are equally many stories that say it was absolutely nothing to worry about. So I want to give my account the experience.
ill start by saying it isn’t pleasant and anyone going through this I send you so much love. It’s not an easy decision.
I was around 5 weeks when I did a pregnancy test and when it came back positive I was extremely shocked. I already have four children and I was taking the pill so I wasn’t expecting it nor was I ready for more children. I’ve only been with my partner 4 months and I’ve just passed my university degree. My children are older now and I’m looking forward to starting my career. So I made the heartbreaking decision that the time wasn’t right.
I rang the MSI clinic the next day because I wanted to do this at home as quickly as possible. They gave me a phone call consultation appointment for two days later. When they called they asked me if I was sure and what route I wanted to take. I decided medical because that way I could be at home and I didn’t want to be out under a general anaesthetic and risk the complications of surgery. However I know everyone is different. So you make the choice best suited for you.
They then gave me an in clinic appointment because I’d had some bleeding, so they wanted me to be sure that I hadn’t passed the pregnancy already.
A day before I was due to go in for a scan and my first pill, they called and said they had to refer me to the hospital because I’ve had previous open heart surgery and it was the safest place for me. Obviously this won’t be the case for most people so don’t panic about that.
Then it was a waiting game for the hospital to contact me which then took another week. By this point I was around 7 weeks and I know this for sure because I use the Flo app so can keep track. When the hospital contacted me, they need to book me in for a scan an consultation. Again another weeks wait.
This was a horrible waiting game because I felt so ill throughout pregnancy and weak. I wasn’t coping well emotionally and started to become more and more attached as weeks went on.
I finally got to the appointment and they confirmed I was 8 weeks 3 days. They said I’d need bloods and a heart scan because of my complications. That happened the next day and all was fine so I think waited for the call to go in for the termination of pregnancy. They called me to come in the following Tuesday for the first pill. At this point I would have been 9 weeks three days which made it so much worse in my mind. I was so emotional. The pregnancy had grown and there was now a heartbeat detectable. But I knew it was still the right decision. My heart problems add to the complications during pregnancies and I can’t go through that again.
But taking that first pill is emotionally shattering and I cried. A lot and that’s perfectly normal and okay. You are allowed to feel and mourn. Don’t ever let anyone tell you, you cannot!
After taking the first pill I was sent home. I didn’t have any sickness. But for me, I had this overwhelming feeling of hormones lowering and my irritability wasn’t as bad anymore. Nothing happened that day and I slept that night. I wasn’t going back in until the Thursday so had another waiting game the Wednesday before taking the last set of pills.
I cried a lot Wednesday, I felt guilty. I felt numb. I just wanted it to be over
However, Wednesday night came and I started cramping. I went to the toilet and I started bleeding quite heavily and passing clots. This wasn’t the usual thing to happen on these pills and so I thought my body was just passing the pregnancy naturally and I wouldn’t need the second pills. But it stopped that night and so I decided to go in Thursday to make sure everything was okay.
I went into the clinic the next day at 10 pm for the second pill. No bleeding but told them what happened. They decided to do a scan and see if I was still pregnant. I was really hoping I wasn’t so I could just be done with everything. But unfortunately I was and apparently bleeding is quite normal. So I cried again.
They went ahead with the treatment. Took some bloods and put me a cannula in. Which actually put me at ease incase I needed any drugs or bloods.
Then they gave me two paracetamol and an anti sickness to take first. After that I was given four miso tablets to put under my tongue. Two at a time until they are dissolved. They don’t taste of anything but they take time to dissolve. They do give you a sore throat.
After 15 minutes of the first two I started with some light cramping and a fever. The fever was horrible and I couldn’t stop shaking. I couldn’t get warm and then I couldn’t cool down. After the lot had dissolved I put the second two under my tongue and as they started to dissolve they cramps got more intense and the bleeding started.
You read so much in here about what they feel like. But for me they were agonising. I don’t think they feel like cramps at all. I think they feel like contractions. You’re ultimately trying to get your cervix to soften and open so you can pass the pregnancy. It was definitely like intense contractions. I needed stronger pain relief and codeine makes me sick, so I was given gas and air. The pain was extremely intense. But it was a combination of the uterus and cervix relaxation and the pregnancy sat on my cervix trying to get out. So I went to the toilet and pushed and it all gushed out at once within an hour.
I don’t recommend looking. I did by accident and it was quite upsetting. However I was also nearly 10 weeks, so the pain and the size may account for that.
I cried, my partner cried. We hugged and waited for my fever and bleeding to calm down which took a few hours. Then I was discharged home. The pain and the bleeding after can still be there on a lesser scale for a few days and it may take a few days for the emotions and reality of it all to sink in.
But the main thing is I didn’t bleed to death. I wasn’t in danger. But it isn’t pleasant and it isn’t easy. But it’s manageable and you can get through it. I don’t want to sugar coat it and I don’t want to scare anyone equally. Because if it is a decision you need to make, you are capable and strong enough to do it.
You are allowed to feel, you are allowed to say it hurts. You are allowed to take as much time to rest and recover as you want.
So for anyone out there about to or thinking about doing this. You aren’t alone and you will be okay!