My feed
Premium

Please
or
to access all these features

This topic is for sharing experiences of pregnancy choices; to debate the ethics of termination, visit our Politics or Chat forums.

Pregnancy choices

Medical Abortion booked. Feeling guilty. Looking for advice

5 replies

Welshgirl1192 · 01/03/2023 19:50

Hi. I’m unexpectedly pregnant with my second child. I already have one baby - he is 12 months old and I had terrible PNA and PND after having him. I’ve just returned to full time work in a brand new and very full on role, and we’ve just bought a new house which will mean that financially we will be stretched anyway, without bringing a second baby into the mix.

It just doesn’t feel right bringing a baby into all this upheaval and change. And I just don’t know if mentally I would cope with having 2 so close together, when I suffered so much with just the one. I was hoping to wait until he was much older before considering trying again.

my partner wants the baby but is supportive of whatever decision I make. I am booked in for a scan and MA on Tuesday.

I just wanted to know if anyone had been through anything similar, if you regretted the decision, or if you actually don’t regret it at all. Im looking for any kind of advice and reassurance really.

Please, be kind. I also understand that it isn’t common for abortions with just one child, and i am beating myself up enough.

thank you.

OP posts:
Report
Pjmasksonrepeat · 01/03/2023 22:36

I have no experience but wanted to send you some comfort. Please don't beat yourself up. Talk it through with your partner and weigh up your decisions. Don't feel guilty. If you decide to terminate know that you did it for the right reasons x

Report
Welshgirl1192 · 02/03/2023 10:59

Thank you for your support. It is really hard because it seems like a really selfish decision, even though my reasoning is unselfish. I’ll keep talking it over with my partner. Thank you again x

OP posts:
Report
Ilaughinthefaceofdanger · 03/03/2023 10:55

Hi lovely,
I just started a thread with my whole experience and I hope this helps you

Report
Ilaughinthefaceofdanger · 03/03/2023 10:55

By the way. You aren’t selfish and you have to do what’s right for you. But feelings of guilt is completely normal

Report
Chocolate93 · 04/03/2023 08:17

Hello @Welshgirl1192 💗 Just wanted to offer some support, as I was in your position a few weeks ago. In fact, I had a termination for the exact same reasons you posted. I already have a 1 year old daughter and suffered a traumatic birth as well as severe PND too. My husband also wanted to keep this pregnancy but I just knew I wouldn’t be able to cope with 2 so close in age both physically and mentally. I only just started to feel normal again since giving birth too.

I broke down and cried so much throughout this whole process, especially when waiting for an appointment with BPAS. I kept going back and forth with my decision but then kept thinking that I have to put myself and my little girl first. I know some people cope fine with 2 under 2 but I knew that couldn’t be me and I really want to give my undivided care and attention to my daughter right now.

I just want to reassure you that you are NOT selfish for putting yourself first. I honestly believe a child needs a happy and healthy mum first and foremost and even though no one can make the decision for you, you know what’s best for yourself 💗 The guilt was eating me up and I kept thinking it will get worse but It’s been 4 weeks since I had the termination and I feel so much better mentally and as bad as it may sound, I don’t regret my decision at all. I feel like the pregnancy hormones make us feel 100x worse.

I’m here if you want to chat, I know it’s so so difficult right now but whatever decision you make will be the right one lovely. xx

Report
Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.