Struggling mentally with the wait

[readyforroundtwo]

Hi everyone,
hand old needed and probably a bit of a sense check.

Last week I found out I’m pregnant with baby no 3, huge shock (contraception failure) so my initial reaction was complete hysteria and straight online to BPAS to book in an abortion consultation.
Our youngest isn’t 2 until June, so I am still enjoying the baby/toddler age with him. I also went back to work full-time in January and am just about to be promoted at work.

I am completely horrified as my husband and I had both agreed we were done at 2. We are very content and absolutely love our life with our two boys. A third baby wasn’t even an option and I wish I could go back and this never happened. Obviously it has so I need to put my big girl pants on and deal with it.

I think what’s mentally getting to me is that I’ve had to wait 2 weeks for an appointment with BPAS. 14 days for the scan and 15 days for the consultation, with still another 8/9 days to go, as I only contacted them last Tuesday when I found out.

I am really struggling with the wait, I almost feel like everything is on hold and guilt is starting to creep in. I’m starting to imagine how we would cope and telling myself that it would all be ok and then within hours I just want it over and done with and to move on with my life.

The thoughts are consuming my days and I feel very withdrawn. My husband has been great and said he will support me whatever I want to do, but how do I make this decision when my mind keeps playing tricks on me.

Has anyone been in this situation and found a way to ride out the days without being an emotional state?

Hi, I am in the exact same situ except it is my fourth and my third is only 8 months 😣Why is the wait so long with Bpas?? Honestly I booked it a week ago and I can't get a scan til next Saturday and the actual appointment is the 16th March! I spend my days flip flopping back and forward with raging hormones to boot. I don't have any advice but just wanted to say I know how you feel

@Mineswithsoya oh wow your wait is even longer than mine, so sorry to hear this!
I also don’t understand why I have to go for a scan when not everyone does as I feel like that’s just delaying things as well. I know exactly the dates of my last 2 periods. They’ve also booked me in for a scan out of town not at my local hospital, so I’ve had to book it off work as annual leave.

Have you tried anywhere else? I contacted MISchoices who told me I wasn’t in the area for funding but if I had over a 10 day wait to be seen by Bpas they would apply for funding for me. I’m waiting to hear back from them on if that’s a go ahead because if it is my consultation with them will be Wednesday.

Keep trying the live chat function during office hours and ask for cancellations. I got one for the same day, people cancel all the time. Just gone through the process at 4+2, took the four tablets this afternoon. I was the same as you and couldn’t mentally deal with the wait - made worse because we really want a baby but need to provide them more security (buy a home and marry etc) before having them. You will be ok. Early it is, more it’s just like a late period.

My timeline was:
discover last Monday
self refer Wednesday
ask for cancellations on Thursday, all day, and get one for that afternoon (telephone consultation)
tablets arrived Saturday
took the first one yesterday morning and the other four this afternoon.

Sending hugs, I know it’s not easy but be gentle with yourself and know you are choosing the best interests of your family xxxx

@daffodi thank you so much x
Did you have to go for a scan or did they just do a consultation and then send you the tablets?
I really don’t understand the criteria for how they decide who to scan and who doesn’t need one. I know exactly when my last period was and the one before that, so I’m not understanding their reasoning for it.

@readyforroundtwo they just sent me them. Also knew my dates. Think they try to do that where possible rather than scan.

think scans if you’ve any risk factors, like don’t know your dates, one sided pain (which could suggest ectopic) etc

I hope you get a cancellation. I did have to persist. I had to ask the live chat advisor 4 times over the course of the day, might’ve just got lucky. Phone consultation only 30 mins ish. Nowhere near as bad as I was expecting , my worst symptom is upset stomach which can be a side effect x

Hi, I'm not sure I have any great ways to pass the time that I can share but just wanted to say I really feel for you. I've been there & the wait is excruciating - time seems to stand still but just try & keep as busy as you can & it'll eventually come. I had wobbles while waiting for my appointment & had to remind myself why we'd made the decision we did. If I every felt unsure I went through everything we discussed about why we weren't going to keep it.

Sorry not to be any help but it will come eventually & you somehow find a way to pass the time. Am here if you need to chat

@daffodi thank you so much for the advice on this I will definitely get on the live chat tomorrow to see if I can get a cancellation slot. Even if it’s for them to advise the need for a scan when I know my dates and I have zero ectopic symptoms.

@Jsh125 thank you for your kind words. The wobbles are the hardest but I’ve realised a lot of the doubts and questioning my decision are fuelled by guilt rather than anything else. Once the guilty thoughts go I feel fed up and want the consultation to hurry up. Luckily I’m only 5 weeks (6 tomorrow) so still early.

You're welcome @readyforroundtwo it sounds like you're really sure of your decision which hopefully makes the waiting a little bit more bearable. I absolutely hear you about the guilt - having children is so amazing & i love the 2 we have more than anything so I felt awful that we just didn't feel the same about this one.

It does sound strange they want you to have a scan, I'd definitely at least question the reason, as you say if you're certain on dates & no risk factors then it should be straightforward & no need for a scan, unless things have changed again post covid & there's now a need to scan everyone.

@Jsh125 I’ve just called them to ask why they deem it a necessity to scan me when I know when my last period was, no ectopic symptoms etc. she said it could be an admin error or something I accidentally clicked when filling the form so she’s going to get one of the nurses to call me within 24 hours.

Oh fab, that will speed things up massively so that's good news that you don't need a scan. Hopefully once you've had the call they'll be able to post the pills to you (if that's the option you're going for) & things will look very different this time next week.

Hope your phone appointment goes well, they were so lovely & compassionate when I spoke to them.