Unplanned pregnancy help!

[Yorkshirelas12]

So I've just found out I'm pregnant for the 2nd time and I'm all over the place with it.

My son Is 18 months and I wasn't ever planning on having another child due to how terrifying his birth was.

Developed pre eclampsia in labour, he got stuck so was an emergency forceps in theatre delivery with an episiotomy, I heammoraged and had a bad reaction to the spinal block that made it look like I'd had a stroke.

We were using contraception but obviously it's failed so I really wasn't expecting this.

If I didn't have to go through labour again I would have this baby. If I could just blink and the baby arrive I would be happy to have another little one.

The problem is I'm petrified of giving birth again either naturally or c section. I'm terrified of redeveloping pre eclampsia or heammoraging with fatal consequences and leaving my son without me (I know this would be very unlikely but its a real fear for me given the trauma of his birth)

I developed post partum depression, PTSD and health anxiety due to my sons birth. I don't know if I can overcome it.

My partner would prefer me to have an abortion but isn't pressuring me either way says he will support me no matter what.

I don't think I could have an abortion I think I would feel guilty forever even though I'm very pro choice. But I also don't know if I can go through with this.

I'm frozen and can't make a decision I know I need to but everytime I decide on an option I get upset or scared and change my mind back to the other one..

If anyone's been through anything similar or has any advice it would be so appreciated.

Hi I am so sorry to hear about your traumatic birth experience.

I am a mum of 2 and I had a difficult birth experience with my first child.

I had a difficult pregnancy with SPD. I was introduced to induction to accelerate my natural labour and it has made my labour 10x worse than normal. My pain was so intense that I had all interventions including all doses of Pethidine and Epidural. All these interventions have increased my time in labour and because of epidural I was not aware of what my body was telling me. I was instructed to push and eventually my baby was stuck inside. Due to that the doctors had to incise me and used forceps.

The whole birth experience had made a big impact on me. I was terrified and suffered from postpartum depression for 8 months. But one thing I was sure about and decided I won’t let this happen to me again. It Is quite normal to have fear if you had difficult and traumatic birth experience. However, I have learnt how much it is important for a pregnant women to educate herself on the events happen during birth, her legal consent and to be well informed about the choices the hospital system is implementing on you and your right to say ‘NO’.
Unfortunately, the number of inductions has increased dramatically recently. Most of the time the hospital system policies are not in the best interest of women and her baby. I do not understand why these beautiful women are subjected to interventional which then creates a cascade of interventions and has a big impact on labour, women’s mental health and breastfeeding. Of course, there will be times when interventions are necessary but again it's your right to discuss with the professionals and ask lots of questions about risks, benefits and alternatives.

The question is how did I educate myself in pregnancy?

While I was expecting my second child, I came across The Thompson Method Program. With all the information on the intranet and from people around me, I was not sure to invest on this program. After doing my research on the program, I purchased and I must say that was the BEST decision of my life. This program has provided me with all the information necessary before I went into my labour. This program has made me believe my maternal instincts and I had successful normal delivery without any interventions.

Let me introduce myself, my name is Nida and I am a Certified Thomson Method Breastfeeding Educator. Now I am on a mission to nurture, comfort and educate these beautiful women like you in pregnancy so you can be empowered and more confident in your labour and breastfeeding journey.

If you want to know more The Thompson Method please contact me on via email: [email protected]

With Love
Nida - TMBE, Bhs (Hons)

I had a traumatic birth with my first (although not quite as traumatic as yours sounds) and other complications during pregnancy, including constant monitoring for high blood pressure. I developed really severe anxiety after the birth, including health anxiety (initially focused on my son but later turned to me too) which is now much more under control.

My second pregnancy was planned but earlier than I expected and I didn’t feel totally ready for it. I did the positive birth company course and used the Freya app during labour and although both times I was induced (for different reasons) they were totally different experiences. Second time around (although still v painful of course) was an amazing experience.

I fell pregnant unexpectedly with what would have been my third child 7 months ago, also a contraceptive failure. I decided to have medical abortion. It was the single hardest thing I’ve had to do and although I’ve turned a corner (not all consumed with the memory of it and whether or not I should get pregnant again) it’s still hard to deal with and I’m still considering trying to get pregnant again, probably mainly because I’m scared that to some extent I’ll be sad about it forever. I’m very pro life and still am but I didn’t appreciate the emotional toll it would take. I did it in large part because of the potential impact on my anxiety and how that would affect my existing children. It was the right choice for me at the time, but I wish it wasn’t one I ever had to make.

I’m reluctant to influence you either way but as you say you’d be happy to have the baby if not for the labour, I’d really caution against terminating. I would instead put all your efforts in to improving your mental health around the labour and post-partum. Have you had a birth matters appointment to talk about the details of the birth? I had one and found it so healing. I’d also see if you can talk to a GP/ midwife about the physical risks based on your first pregnancy if you haven’t already.