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This topic is for sharing experiences of pregnancy choices; to debate the ethics of termination, visit our Politics or Chat forums.

Pregnancy choices

Third planned pregnancy

8 replies

Confuse2023 · 27/01/2023 21:42

Hello, Im looking for advice, I planned this pregnancy and I don’t know what to do.I know I have to make the decision.
I don’t feel happy about the pregnancy at all and feel an abortion is the only answer for many reasons-I have two children,am 39 and do most of the parenting as my husband works away a lot.I also have a demanding job and not sure how much I can cope with.I’ve always wanted a big family but the reality of how my life will be for the next few years feels like too much to cope with. I’m worried about money-I know we would be ok but it may be a struggle-I don’t want to struggle.please offer advice if anyone has any, my husband is supportive but would like to continue but is behind whatever decision I make.I’m scared of getting it wrong and regretting it.I’m just so scared.,My husband has said today that he thinks as we are not 100% behind it, we shouldn’t go ahead because it’s such a big decision to have another child and so hard then we shouldn’t go ahead. Thank you

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Howdidigethere23 · 28/01/2023 17:48

Hey, sorry your going through this, its a very difficult situation to be in. One of the hardest we'll ever have to make I think. Do you think it could possibly be nerves etc. Kicking in and your panicking? I went through with it but mine wasn't planned and was due to failed contraception so can't give you any advise from my experience being the same but the only thing I would say is don't rush into it, I did and regretted it for the first 2 weeks but now its all over I realise it was for the best.
Hope your OK x

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Almostmotherof5 · 29/01/2023 02:11

Sorry to hear you’re going through this, it’s a difficult decision.
I had a termination three days ago.
I have four children and I’m 38, marital issues and finances were my worry, now I’ve gone ahead my only thoughts are I’ve made the worst mistake of my life.
I wish I had more comforting words for you.

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Confuse2023 · 29/01/2023 12:34

Thank you for your advice, I know no one really has the answer but I’m still very confused and torn between what to do. I feel panicky at the thought of going ahead and feel panicky at the thought of a termination. I’m not sure what I’m to do. I can’t tell anyone aside from my husband for various reasons so I feel trapped with my thoughts on what to do. I can’t believe I’ve done this to myself.

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heartbroken22 · 29/01/2023 23:31

I got pregnant last year and had a termination as I couldn't deal with the hg with 2 kids to look after. It would have been my third baby. God bless. I had so much regret but later accepted why it had to be done.

I got pregnant again 5-6 months later. Had the hg again but tried everything to cope. The earlier days I wanted an abortion but because I had it done before something stopped me. I went crazy thinking what have I done. I've effed my family up really badly ruining holidays etc. I thought about abortion every single day but couldn't make the call to clinics. At 16 weeks I feel so much better, the hg has gone away, those weird scary thoughts have gone away. I'm eager to meet my baby and I hope they're okay. My feelings changed. I went back to why I wanted three kids and realised that's what I had always wanted. In early pregnancy I was afraid when my body was getting used to the pregnancy it was hard doing anything. But now that I've got my strength back I feel different. I know the school runs will be scary with 3. Buts it's okay I'll deal with it then. I'm not going to thing about it now. I'll write more tomorrow. But allow yourself to feel what you feel. Write it all down so it clears your head and have a think about it. It's okay whatever you choose you'll just know what to do xx

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Impossiblechoice2023 · 14/02/2023 02:10

Hi, I came across this thread recently and feel I could’ve written it myself. 39 yo, two kids already, planned third pregnancy, and now I feel like I’m dying from dread and anxiety and whether this is the right choice for my family. I am six weeks pregnant and need to decide soon whether or not I’m terminating. It’s all I think about every second of every day and I don’t feel any closer to making the decision than I did three weeks ago when I first learned of the pregnancy. Every time I feel like I’m leaning in one direction or the other, my emotions pull me back in the other direction. I’ve always been someone with a strong “gut” and sense of conviction, so this massive indecisiveness is so unfamiliar to me. I feel like I’m falling into a depression. I’m sure the hormones aren’t helping…

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heartbroken22 · 14/02/2023 09:39

@Impossiblechoice2023 I'm so sorry you're dealing with this. It could be a mixture of pregnancy hormones, shock and fear of the unknown. Like I said in my previous post that's how exactly I've felt. I'm now nearly 20 weeks and can't wait for baby to come whereas before it was termination termination termination please God help I can't do this because the first trimester was so hard. Once those days pass it gets easier. At times like that I said to myself how would you feel with 2 or if I felt better one day and didn't feel pregnant I knew that I wanted a third. For me, I think having a termination before stopped me having another one. It's scary but once the pregnancy hormones settle you'll feel different. That's just my experience but everyone is different and do what you feel is right for you. You'll make the right decision based on your instincts and guess what? You'll be okay 👍

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Nell23 · 08/03/2024 14:19

@Impossiblechoice2023 what did you do in the end? In same position now and feeling very conflicted.

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Impossiblechoice2023 · 08/03/2024 21:14

@Nell23 I had a termination last year in March 2nd. I instantly regretted it and went through a really terrible stretch following the procedure. After about 4-5 months, and much soul-searching, my husband and I decided to try again. We tried unsuccessfully for several months, but I became pregnant in mid December. I am now 12 weeks along. Other than intermittent feelings of “oh my goodness; we’re going to have a baby in the house again soon! 😬” and “wow, I can’t believe I’m 40 and pregnant…”, I’m feeling quite excited. It’s nothing like it was last year. Everyone’s situation is different, so please don’t take my story as advice. But that’s the update! Feel free to DM me if you want correspond more!

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