Termination at 18 weeks 4days

[Almostmotherof5]

I don’t know what to write here, other than I feel lost, ashamed, and hate myself for what I have done.
The regret, the sadness is unbearable.
No longer feeling pregnant, the movements, symptoms, I miss it all.
Will I ever feel normal again, I know I don’t deserve to.
I wish I could go to sleep and never wake up.

I’m so sorry you’re having to go through this
When did you have your termination? And do you have anyone in real life you can talk to about this?
Hugs OP, the decision you made was no doubt not taken lightly and you do deserve to feel normal again, it may take a little time to feel normal but you will feel better x

As the days go by the worse I feel.
I feel like I don’t know who I am, the person that decided to terminate, I never thought I could bring myself to do it, yet here I am.
Mentally it is unbearable.

I'm so sorry :( please msg if you need support. Also reach out for for professional support. I do not know what to say other than it is okay to not be ready for a child. I had a MA last week and I wish I could have been in the right stage of my life but right now I just could not do it; I wasn't ready financially or mentally. One day I will welcome it, just not right now.

It's part of the grieving process please don't beat yourself up about it. You must have had your reasons. All I can say is allow yourself to grieve and feel what you feel. I cried for many months till one day I accepted what choice I made. It just clicked. As a mother you have to make choices and you made one that was best for that moment in time.

Hello I've sent you a private message hope that's okay

I've gone through same thing everything was perfect at week 12 scan bloods screening all had a active baby but had aspirin which gave me side effects and doctors said it shouldn't be.had rash that was awfully burning and itchy nose bleeds headache and felt extremely hot .at week 17+6 found out there was no heartbeat and also had abdominal cramps as baby was already dead and my body started labour on its own had to take some medicine to bring on labour faster delivered the baby still very heartbreaking as it's been only a week and waiting for results as I was healthy avoiding all the bad stuff caffeine etc constantly eating and not gaining weight and my baby also weighed only 47 grams and aspirin didn't protect my baby at all.with my two sons I had no problems at all and I didn't had any aspirin but this time I was advised by midwife to have it now waiting for post mortem to see what has happened.

@Kdramafan I'm sorry for your experience that sounds awful. I hope you get answers soon. More importantly I hope you're okay.

To be honest I want to be alone sit in corner stop eating and drinking and cry but that won't get things better thankfully I have two children who make me distracted so I just have to cope as it takes time but yes I am coping somehow.with my two sons I didn't drank aspirin and everything was ok with first one he was low weight as I wasn't eating well and had some personal issues which made me stress and he was breech but second one was healthy no problems at all and this time I had aspirin 150mg once a day as with my second son I had high bp once or twice in week 38-39 and positive urine which they thought could be preeclampsia but obstrician said it sometimes happens because of hormones and I slept in hospital for a night and was sent home and all was fine so this is why I was advised to take aspirin but it made me have very bad headache and rash and nose bleeds which I never experience in my life not even in pregnancies but midwife told me aspirin protects baby from low weight etc but it has done opposite she doesn't want to agree that this is her fault as gp told me that I should have aspirin if I have high bp and that also needs to be monitored but my BP urine scan screening bloods all were perfect so why did the midwife even gave me aspirin which made me loose my pour precious baby who only started to develop he was supposed to be around 200grams but he weighed only 47 grams I was constantly eating I even switched from caffeine to caffeine free tea and it was hard to cope with tiredness not having caffeine so I am devastated as I feel betrayed by midwife

Anyone out here who needs to support remember I am here for you all.As I've been through this and working things out I want to support everyone and inform you all as much as I can .

Almostmotherof5 don't feel guilty if u have done this for what's best for baby I am sure you have done it so baby doesn't have to suffer I was feeling same guilt when I get to know what has happened to my baby as he was healthy I was healthy he started to be active and all I was over moon but when I got to know my baby is dead I was devastated I wasn't crying it took my around 10 minutes to understand what happened I thought how bad I am and etc but one thing I understood is that I know I did all the best I could so it wasn't in my hands it was in god's hands maybe sometimes baby's are just too pure ad they don't deserve to come in this world full of hatred and etc sometimes these things happen because they are bound to happen so please cry take out your emotions and pray for his soul to be happy and I really hope that God will bless you so you will have a healthy baby boy God's blessing

I am hoping with the fact knowing that my baby is free of suffering now and wherever his soul is he is free and happy but that doesn't mean that I'm not angry with my body why it stopped caring for my baby but.... What can I do now as he won't come back.
If you think this could help you could try listening to this song
Jung yongwa because I miss you it's Korean song but you can find it in YouTube with English translations and there are many more they are very emotional and special as music sometimes helps me to get through hard times