Medical abortion

[mumof2bubba]

Hello, this is more a brain purge as I'm going crazy lol. I'm a mum of 2 and turning 36 this year. Just found out I'm pregnant recently and we were not expecting and not wanting to have a 3rd. We have done our pros and cons and I legit had no pros. Due to my health, my mental health, our two children now and our family we decided to go ahead with a medical abortion. I'm 5 weeks and just waiting on appt on Friday to get meds. But I'm going crazy waiting. I don't want to be pregnant anymore and I feel sad as I never thought I would choose this option but know I'm doing right thing. I just wish I could shake it. As it's not such a norm thing even thou it is. It's so taboo to talk about like it's a bad thing. Which is also making me get down. My doc was so supportive and was like your early it will be like a period and etc which I'm fine. I saw the scan and the embryo it was way to early for any other things so I'm okay with that but I just wish I knew someone who has done it so I can chat it out with. Sorry for my ramble

I was in a very similar boat back in August last year. I have two small kids and turn 36 this year. Mental more than physical health was a big factor for me. Since I had my termination I’ve found out that one of my friends had one when she was very young. Although completely different scenarios it’s been really, really nice to talk to someone I know in real life who’s been through the same. Friends and family all supportive but it’s not the same as talking to someone who really understands.

I was less sure than you about the termination by the sound of it. I’d have liked to have a third but felt really strongly that it wasn’t best for my two kids (in large part based on the risk to my mental health), am still breastfeeding my second, eldest starting school this year and will need lots of support if pre-school anything to go by etc etc. I’m a overthinker and not a good decision maker! But I did the pros and cons and had many many more cons than pros. My heart still wanted to keep it but I made the head choice that was so sensible on paper. I’d taken a morning after pill so told myself it would just be like a slightly later version of that.

I was 5, nearly 6 weeks when I had a medical abortion. And I think for people in our boat it almost feels more taboo. We’ve had kids, we know what it’s like to grow them and love them. But it’s so common. Maybe less talked about but so common. Happy to chat whenever if you like.

It's crazy I thought I wanted a third till I had to take a test for surgery and I was more scared about a positive then going under for surgery and I knew in my heart that i wasn't into it. I'm such an over thinker also and I sometimes over think myself into a fizz and about something that's not even happening lol. Yeah so true as we know what the other outcome is we feel like this. I have two kids who struggle with separation anxiety and fight over me even sitting so I knew it wouldn't be fair on them at all.

Also I tell myself the same that it's the morning after pill to help my brain get through the day.

Separation anxiety is so hard to deal with! Sounds like you have a lot to deal with already.

Before I got pregnant I wanted a third, so did my partner. But for all the rational reasons we’d decided not to. I was ok with that. When my period was late and it came to taking a test I truly was not excited to see two lines. To be honest I’m still trying to unpick my emotions now. Not sure if I wasn’t excited because of blind panic or if I really knew three kids wasn’t right for us. It does feel like I may have had prenatal anxiety now.

I’m at peace with the decision I made at the time, I wouldn’t want to be 7 months pregnant right now and there’s lots I’ve done with the kids in those 7 months that I wouldn’t have been able to do pregnant. Overall my biggest regret is that I fell pregnant in the first place. But I’d be lying if I said that I wasn’t now considering if we should try for a third in the future.

I swing between thinking I was strong to make the right decision for my existing kids and wishing I was breezy enough to see a positive test and not even consider an abortion! But it has only been 5 months for me, I can feel my hormones and emotions get less strong with each period so maybe I’ve not yet hit a truly rational stage. Not that rational is a strong point for me 😂

You say in your heart you know it’s the right thing, and I didn’t have those feelings so there’s every chance you’ll be like the many many women who have a termination and don’t look back (not to say they don’t feel sad). And I don’t want to sound like a scaremongering pro-lifer but for your own mental health, if you think there’s a chance you’d struggle on the other side of an abortion or a chance you might not be thinking straight (I.e anxiety clouding your judgement) then I’d definitely explore your pros and cons from all angles and seek counselling about it if you can. I had three sessions with BPAS before the abortion and found it useful.

Aww thank you for your reply. I live in Australia and we don't have much here I know we have counseling and etc but haven't had it before hand. I will be definitely getting some if I need to.

Our children have been so full on so my husband and I are like all the time could you imagine another and both are like yeah definitely no. It's just I think it's out of the norm and what I read on the web and etc that makes me feel like this. I need to stop reading the horror stories lol

Yep I know what you mean. So many time since I’ve thought, phew, no way I could have / would have wanted to do that with three!!

If you’re talking about abortion horror stories, in terms of the process of the medical abortion though it was totally fine, especially this early on. I was offered surgical but I just wanted to get it over quickly and medical was the quickest option. It was no worse than a heavy period for me and no more painful. I’d completely ignore the horror stories (and pro-lifers, there’s a few that comment on here regularly)!