Unplanned 3rd baby- Husband wants abortion

[Indecisive1989]

Hi everyone,

Abit of background first-
I'm recently married, financially stable, with two children together who are 7 and 1.
To cut a long story short, I am 6 weeks pregnant and my husband wants an abortion for the good of the family.
To go from 1 child to 2 is easy; to go from 2 to 3 is hard in the sense that society is geared up for 4 person families- 5 or more is considered large and not the norm.
I had an abortion when I was 17 and swore I would never again go through with another, yet here we are, in my early 30s. Clearly I never learn!

I am very aware that the relationship is becoming toxic right now because whichever decision I make, there is no positive outcome.

If we keep the baby, not only am I outnumbered by children, but I will be forever reminded by my husband that I have forced him into parenthood.
Our lifestyle becomes tricker and what with my husband working away lots and being absent in other areas, I am worried that mentally, I will become depressed and lost.

On the flip side, if I have an abortion as he wants, then I will forever resent him and after all I am the one who has to live with the consequences of my actions.

We are only very recently married and I feel like we are already heading for divorce.

I am such an indecisive person anyway- I dont know what to do for the best.
Any advice much appreciated.

What do you want? Follow your heart and now what anyone else wants even if that means keeping it or going through with a termination. You'll make that decision yourself and you'll know what to do. I'm sorry you're in this situation. I've been there. Have you called any clinics?

Also an unplanned pregnancy isn't your fault. It just happens sometimes x

Thanks for your reply.
I havent called any clinics yet, but keep looking at them..
The long and the short of it is my head is telling me to do whats right for the family, but my heart is saying the opposite.

3 kids is never something I wanted .

What a mess!

My kids are 4 and 2, I have quite bad anxiety which I’ve had medication for at times over the last 4 years. Still breastfeeding my 2 year old and felt very overwhelmed at having to make the decision about whether to keep an unplanned and unexpected (after taking the morning after pill) pregnancy.

Long story short I made the head decision despite my partner and family saying they’d support me either way. My partners preference was to terminate and I felt so unsure of my own ability to parent three kids well I felt that it would be selfish to continue. The risk to my kids felt too high. I have to say that my heart took it much harder than I thought and it’s been a pretty intense 4 months since the termination. I’ve had times where I’ve felt like it was the right choice and a times where it’s felt very wrong. I’ve also felt very resentful of my partner’s preference.

I had counselling with BPAS to help me make the decision. Looking back on it it’s likely I had some very severe post-natal anxiety, or maybe just anxiety in general.

As you know, neither choice is going to be easy. I was just desperate for the uncertainly to be over so made my choice quite quickly (within 2 weeks) but I’d really recommend taking your time and really exploring your options. Thinking of you.

I should say that just because it’s been incredibly hard I’m not saying it was the wrong choice to terminate. I seem not to be in control of when I can view the pregnancy as a bunch of cells and when I see it as a potential baby.

Thank you-TCR1987 for taking the time to reply to my messages.

I still haven't made a decision one way or the other, but fate seems to be taking over at this point.

I have a subchorionic haematoma and an embryo measuring smaller than usual and have been diagnosed with a threatened miscarriage.

However, as of my last scan, embryo has a heart beat.

So the plot thickens, another week wait, to see if this is even a viable pregnancy.

I have been bleeding continually for the past 2 weeks, bright red, so I am now even more confused than I was before.

Hopefully this week I will have a definitive yes or no the pregnancy is miscarrying or not.
x

I’m sorry to hear that, it must be really hard to deal with.

Has it made you realise anything about how you feel about the pregnancy?

Let me know how you get on.

Hi everyone,

I found out today the bleeding I had been having was a miscarriage, as my uterus is empty.
I am feeling a mix of angry, sad, relieved and alone.
Still at least we have a decision and can move on now.
Thanks to all who have taken the time to post.