Abortion or keep?

[anon1997x]

I’m hoping someone can shed some light and help me in this awful situation I am currently faced with. I’ve tried talking with a counsellor, my partner and my family who have all said different things to me and I just have no idea what to do. I found out I was pregnant at 10 weeks, at first it was a shock but I don’t think i completely deeped the situation - I’ve always wanted to be a mum but not quite yet as me and my partner have only been together for a year and he is slightly younger than me. Now that weeks have passed i’m starting to get in my own head, one day I want to have the baby and the next I get completely terrified of the thought of having a child and being responsible for it for 18 years +. My family have been great and supportive and it’s good to know I have their support but my partner is very quiet about the situation, I’ve known from the start he isn’t 100% happy but never to the extent that he’s been saying the past few weeks.

I know people say I need to make a decision for myself, but I feel bad making my boyfriend go through something he doesnt want at the moment, and I also feel bad because my family are extremely excited? I almost feel like I shouldn’t have told them or got their hopes up. I don’t want to be a single parent but at the same time I don’t want to live with the regret of aborting the baby. If anyone has any surgical abortion stories they could share that would be great, I’m terrified of the procedure if I’m honest and how it could possibly affect my fertility in the future. I also feel so silly for not making a decision sooner, I just hate how I don’t seem to be able to stick with a decision. I find it so hard talking about the subject, whenever someone mentions the baby to me I completely shut down and don’t want to even think about it - has anyone felt the same?

Hi there. Currently in the same situation (8 weeks), have known for 4 weeks, and still completely undecided. I switch between both options within the space of minutes. In my case, I’m 40 (so possible only chance of having a child) and had only been dating the father a couple of weeks (he’d prefer termination). Trying to make the decision for myself, but the thought of single motherhood makes me physically sick to the stomach. Anyway, just to say, that you’re not alone. It’s been the most agonizing few weeks, and I’m worried I’ll regret either option. Hope we can both come to a decision we are mostly happy with. X

Hi similar situation, I am also nearly 10 weeks going back and fourth, I already have 3 children and don’t know how I feel about a 4th plus me and my partner arnt in a good space, I know i can do it on my own but it’s a case of do I want that added pressure, did you come to a decision?

Decided to keep it and I’m very happy with my decision as I think I would’ve regretted it. I was way more further on than you, maybe take a couple of weeks to think properly about it but the earlier you can decide the better. Do whatever you think is best for yourself x

What did you decide @Umm4ever My son is 14 this year and I’m currently 9 weeks and never felt more miserable about anything, despite wanting it for years. Only been with partner for 3 months so all quite overwhelming. Have contacted MSI and BPAS in the hope of some help as my go just wasn’t interested. Worried that I’ll feel regret after an abortion but equally worried about going ahead with pregnancy.

Hi Anon7890… ridiculously I’m still deciding. I have an appointment for a termination next week (I’ll be 12 weeks), but my OBGYN ran the NIPT bloodwork (testing for chromosomal abnormalities etc) which I wanted to wait to get back before going ahead. I’m 41 in a couple weeks, so chances of things like Downs Syndrome are much higher than if I was younger. That said, likelihood is they will all come back fine and I’ll still just have to make a decision based on the life I want versus any really medical reason. I still sway between both options, but I think if I do terminate I’m in a slightly more accepting place about it than I was a couple weeks ago (famous last words). My main concern is (as I live in a foreign country) not having any support around, especially if god forbid, there are any disability issues. I just wouldn’t be able to cope. It’s such a tricky decision though, as I know realistically it’s my only shot at motherhood… the question is, do I want it badly enough to take on the risks and difficulties of doing it alone. But… time is ticking snd i certainly don’t want to wait until second trimester to make a decision… which means deciding next week.

@Umm4ever its not ridiculous, you do whatever you feel you need to do. I’ve got my first telephone consultation booked for tomorrow. Hoping you get the answers you need to make your decision, think my mind is now made up as I feel a sense of relief already just by having a phone call booked in

@Umm4ever what did you decide? I’m 41 and single with 1 child. New bf (2months) so not really a bf… doesn’t want it. Curious what you chose. x

@HJ82 hi, I know you asked the other person but thought I’d put my experience in too. I had the termination, I was only with the guy for 3 months and it just didn’t feel right. When I came round from sedation my first feeling was relief, the other people that had had theirs were crying so I was quite different emotionally. Then 2 days after the termination he dumped me, despite agreeing with my decision to not go ahead with the pregnancy. Overall I don’t regret the decision, but I would be lying if I said I don’t think about the what ifs, but equally glad im not tied to the wrong man again and doing it on my own again. All I’ll say is listen to your gut instinct x

@Anon7890 thank you for taking the time to reply. Yes, I think it’s best I terminate. I couldn’t face being single with 2 children. Especially bringing one into the world without planning it and being with the father. I have to just quit the narrative of my last chance at 41. I wasn’t planning on having more kids and my coparent situation is ideal. I have a lot of freedom and joy in my existing set up. I’ve also got 0 family in this country so I’d have no support if I got sick etc. or ever be able to afford travel and things that I already do with my 4 yr old. Which would impact both our lives probably negatively. It’s still a difficult decision. But given my circumstances I do believe it’s the right one. Thanks again!