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Pregnancy choices

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Pregnancy ambivalence and relationship fears / ROCD

7 replies

Slowdownandbreathe · 18/12/2022 20:21

I am 38 and I’ve been in a relationship for 3.5 years with a good partner. The problem is I’ve always struggled with doubts about the relationship in quite a superficial way (e.g. fixating on minor physical flaws and a sense of “it just doesn’t feel right” even when it’s going well). I have a history of ocd so I’ve always put it down to ‘relationship ocd’ where you obsessively doubt your relationship. Because of this, I’ve never entertained the thought of getting married and my partner isn’t fussed about that either. But we both wanted kids in our future so we decided to start trying because of my age and I am now pregnant. Unfortunately though since finding out I am having a meltdown. I seem to have gone completely off my partner since becoming pregnant and not sure if it’s hormones or my real feelings. I’m really worried that I’m bringing a child into the world into an unstable situation since I am not completely sure about my relationship. I have been struggling so much that I’m considering a termination (I’m just under 10 weeks). I’ve always been scared by the idea of being a single parent. But I’m scared I’m terminating for the wrong reasons and might regret it.

I guess I’m wondering if others have had similar experiences of pregnancy in the context of relationship anxiety / ocd?

OP posts:
RecycledKettle · 19/12/2022 15:50

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Slowdownandbreathe · 19/12/2022 18:03

Thank you so much RecycledKettle. I have never posted on here before and I am really touched by your kind and thoughtful reply. Thanks for commenting x

OP posts:
RecycledKettle · 20/12/2022 13:29

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bobb11 · 03/03/2023 17:09

Hi OP - I'm in an identical situation to you right now - just under 10 weeks pregnant, same relationship doubts before falling pregnant and they're totally exasperated right now and wondering if it's hormones or true feelings glaring me in the face that I can't ignore, and feeling extremely stressed bringing a child into a relationship I've never been 100% sure about.

Wondering how you're doing and if you were able to make a decision in the end? Sending strength with whatever you decided 💐💐

sallysophie · 24/01/2024 18:31

Hello, I am experiencing the exact same. Did it get better? Are you together now ?

sallysophie · 24/01/2024 18:31

Hi @bobb11 did you continue? Are you still having those thoughts or did it get better? was it just the hormones ?

bobb11 · 25/01/2024 09:45

@sallysophie Hi 🌸I'm so sorry you're in a similar position - it's not an easy place to be. In the end, I had a termination and ended the relationship - all in one go - it was the most challenging thing I've ever done, but I personally couldn't continue with the knowledge that I wasn't happy being pregnant with this person and that the doubts were there even before falling pregnant.

I did have other factors at play though, so my situation is not representative of others - my partner was 23 years older than me and the age difference was always something that worried me in the back of my head, but I pushed it to one side and 'powered through' - after falling pregnant, it's like I had crazy clarity and realised that I couldn't willingly bring a child into the world with someone so much older (he was 56 at the time) - I know some people can make being older fathers and age gaps work, but it wasn't something I was able for in the end - so even though it was extremely painful at the time, I'm so relieved to be where I am now.

Whatever you decide, you'll lean into that decision and make it work for you 💐

Please feel free to ask any questions you have and I'll help in any way I can xx

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