Abortion Guilt

[mg2748]

Hi, I’m writing this just to see if anyone out there is feeling the same way I am and can offer any advise. Before I start I just want to say that this is my individual experience - don’t be put off.

Basically, I found out I was pregnant 3 weeks ago. For context I am still in university and my partner has just started out at a new job in a completely different field. For this reason, he strongly discouraged against keeping the baby as the time wasn’t right. I found this hard to hear as abortion was the last thing I wanted but knew I couldn’t do pregnancy without him and I felt it wouldn’t be fair if this wasn’t what he wanted too right now.

The abortion process, from finding out to getting an appointment to get the medication, took just over 3 weeks. By this point I was 8 weeks and 2 days. I went through the medical abortion route and safe to say I am traumatised. (Again I’m sure it’s rare to have this much of an awful experience and I don’t want to scare anyone). The pain was horrific to the point where I was rolling around outside in -5 degree weather (the neighbours must’ve been like wtf lol). The hardest part was passing the pregnancy and seeing the tiny fetus. Immediately I knew I had made the wrong decision.

This was two days ago. I’m now so emotional and a wreck. I feel so, so much guilt for what I’ve done. This morning one of my partners close relatives gave birth too (horrible timing I know). As much as I’m extremely happy and excited for her, it has made me even more upset with the decision I made.

I have moved away from family to live with my partner and I just feel very lonely. I know it’s not his fault as he wasn’t carrying but I guess he doesn’t really understand my attachment to the baby as I was only 8 weeks.

Sorry for the long ramble. I guess I’m just looking for a bit of solidarity from anyone who’s been through this. Being a mum is all I’ve ever wanted and it breaks my heart that the timing for the pregnancy was so wrong.

Firstly, sorry you had to go through this💐im also pregnant, and booked in with MSI for a medical termination.

can I ask what the timeline length was for you?

Hiya,
I went through MSI aswell. From filling out the online form I had to wait a week for the telephone consultation then another 2 weeks from that to my in person appointment. I hope that helps, they did offer some sooner dates but they were at clinics too far in distance from me. Wishing you all the best, always here if you have any other questions! x

I'm currently pregnant again after having an abortion in June at 8 weeks 2 days. I had really bad sickness then and have it now but it's not as bad. I'll write when I'm a bit better but just wanted to pop in and say how you're feeling is totally normal. Allow yourself to grieve and give yourself time. Allow yourself to cry and remember. It's all part of the healing process. I immediately regretted mine and it hurt me a lot. It took for me to get pregnant again to remember why I had that termination. I'm so sorry you had a traumatic experience.

Hi I had a termination 2 days ago I think I was about 7-8 weeks also. I was pregnant by someone I’ve been seeing on and off for over a year and I already have two children and so does he and I just didn’t think it was the right time for either of us to go through with bringing a child into the mix. It came as a total shock when I found out I was pregnant but I knew I couldn’t keep the baby. I was mentally prepared to have the termination from the day I found out , when I found out I was around 3 weeks or so and I had a scan a week after and there was nothing in the sac so I had to go back again the week after and I was around 5 weeks. I had to then wait for the phone call around 3 days later for the consultation . I chose to have the medication at home. I had it nearly a week later as I needed to make sure I was home for the whole day. I was not prepared for how much it was going to affect me. The pain was horrendous! The only pain I’ve experienced that pain in was contractions in labour so I kind of forgot that pain as that was 8 years ago, and the pains different when you’re not expecting it to happen. I was coping with the pain and just trying to ignore it , but it was very draining for me , when I went to the toilet and felt the pregnancy leave my body that just totally tipped me over the edge. I was sobbing crying it was the worst experience I’ve ever had I felt awful I kept crying and crying and saying sorry for doing this. Even though I know it was for the best , thinking it and going through with it is two totally different things. I have a mix of emotions right now. I still have pain and bleeding and I feel at ease that I made the right choice but I’ll never forget that traumatic day it will stick with me forever.

Give yourself time to get over it but don't attach deeper meaning than necessary. With time you can complete your studies get a decent job and career and you and your partner (if you stay together) will make a better life and have children who you can provide for in a better way than you can now. Life with a small baby, no secure job or relationship isn't really the best start for anyone.

Message me if you still need some support. I went through this about 10 years ago, so I can relate. Here if you need a chat x