Pregnant with 2nd child but considering abortion

[J18937]

Hi all, first time posting on here long time reader. I don’t have any family or friends I can confide in so really need some advice. I am 23years old 5 weeks pregnant and have been with my partner 6 months. I already have a 7 year old that I had when I was very young (biological father not involved). My 7yo is autistic and requires a lot of extra attention for the extra needs. I am just about to graduate from university and begin my career and start earning good money, me and my 7 year old have just got a lovely 2 bedroom house together that we’ve dreamed of for years. I’ve also had 2 abortions previously in my younger years and they really affected me physically (infections etc) and emotionally. I was happy and gutted finding out im pregnant again. I feel so guilty because I think my 7 year old will really struggle with a baby in the house. They have their routines, don’t like loud noise, still sleep in my bed every night, need help toileting and getting dressed, if things change and we need to move to a bigger house or they have to share room I know my 7 year old would not cope. But then part of me has always wanted another child in the future, but I don’t feel 100% ready now and the timing isn’t right because I haven’t been with my partner long. I don’t want to have the baby because of how it will impact on my 7year old and us financially and my career goals, but I feel i should have the baby because I want to ideally some day anyway and I have had 2 past abortions and it feels wrong to have another (even though contraception failed). My partner is excited and really wants the baby, although I can’t imagine he will be very hands on with the helping and I’m so scared I’ll end up like I was a few years ago and I’ll be a single parent to 2 children, living in overcrowded conditions, spending all my money on childcare and never getting a break. Or another fear is that this child will also have special needs and I will be unable to cope mentally or physically.

Please someone just tell me what to do, I’m so indecisive about everything in life and I have nobody to talk to.

Reading what you wrote you're reasons are valid and at the end of the day it's your choice. Please don't feel guilty. I had a termination in June and I wasn't ready for the pregnancy due to how sick it made me feel. I've dealt with the grief from it and learnt from it and accepted it was the right choice for me (for my own health, my childrens health and my family). Trust your instincts.

Hey

I have very recently found out that we are pregnant with our 2nd baby, it was an unplanned pregnancy as we were using forms contraception. Me and my partner are 22 years old, our son is 19 months and we have been together almost 6 years. We are not typical 22 year olds and very mature for our age 😅 We knew we wanted more children somewhere close in age with our first, we were thinking that baby #2 would be here when our first son was around the age of 3, instead, we will have baby #2 when our son is only just turned 28 months (in between 2 and 2 1/2).

I’m panicking to say the least, I never ever thought I would cry so much seeing those 2 line appear. A few things are running through my mind right now. Firstly, this is way sooner than we wanted, we have our first holiday planned as a family and when we go I’ll be around 30-32 weeks pregnant. As selfish as it sounds I wanted to stay not pregnant until 2024 at least so that we could enjoy that holiday together, so I could run around and go on rides and slides with our son, I now feel like I’m just going to be stood at the side lines whilest him and his dad play.. I wanted to focus on his learning and enjoy another summer with him, another Christmas with him where he will finally understand and have mummy and daddy to play with and run around with. Secondly I am so confused as to how I’m supposed to share this love I have for our son with another baby! He is my absolute world and more, he is my heart and soul and I couldn’t imagine trying to share my love and attention with 2. He is very much a mummy’s boy and I’m scared so so bad that my attention for the first few weeks/months will be so much surrounded by this new baby that our bond will break and it won’t ever be the same. Thirdly, I don’t know if I can afford another baby right now! We were timing baby #2 for when my son is out of nursery (he has been there since 8 months old and will be there until school) so that it wasn’t costing us my entire wage and more to send 2 babies to nursery! At this rate I may aswell not work until our eldest enters school, but then I don’t want baby to miss out on the experience of being in nursery and being away from mummy for when I do return to work. Finally, my mental health hasn’t been in a great place recently, I am suffering with anxiety and some sort of depression (early stages) and now feel like my whole world has come crashing down. I don’t want to suffer through my pregnancy, I want to be able to enjoy it and love it like I did the first time round.

I’m so so torn. I have previously had an abortion when both me and my partner were 18, we were in not financial situation to support a baby, my partner had been kicked out from home due to a family argument with his step dad, he was living sofa to sofa and I was supporting him the best I could. It was the most awful thing we have ever done. I knew it was for the best of the baby, but my partner has always suffered more emotionally than I did with that abortion and we have sworn to eachother we would never ever do it again. Now I feel like I’m stuck in a position where I don’t know if it is just straight up fear that is making me think this way or if it is my gut telling me this is the right thing to do for everyone and the baby.

Just looking for some support, advice, anything really.