Refused Second Abortion Pills But Now Unsure of Decision

[AnxietyHelp123]

Hi all,

I know I will get some judgement but I am also hoping for sensible advise.

I am currently 8+5.

I took the first abortion pill three weeks ago, however had a bit of a panic attack and couldn't go ahead with the second lot. I'm not sure if this was because of shock as it was a bit of a rushed decision, changed mind or because of stress (my mother was rushed into hospital after a suicide attempt later on the same day I took the first pill and I was convinced she was going to die a few days later, which happened to also be the first anniversary of my Dad's passing).

The pregnancy was unplanned (failed contraception) and I've recently said I was 99% certain I didn't want children. I have spoken to a Councillor, however the advise was essentially a pros and cons list. I know I am cutting it fine and Monday will be that latest I will allow myself to make a decision.

My main dilemma is if I have caused damage to the fetus, and all the unknowns that are there. Will my mental health be worse to endure the following 7 months (and beyond) due to the unknowns or the potential regret and guilt from an abortion.

If anyone has any stories, positive or not, from only taking the first abortion pill.

Thank you in advance

@AnxietyHelp123 sorry to hear you are having a difficult time but if you weren't 100% sure and were having second thoughts you probably did the right thing.

I also panicked in the evening after taking the first pill. I phoned the Marie Stopes nursing helpline and specifically asked the question of what if I didn't go ahead with the second set of pills. The midwife who took my call explained that the first pill (mifopristone) does not cause any birth defects or abnormalities but it can in some cases it can increase the risk of miscarriage. She did not quantify by how much that risk increases, it could just be negligible. She did also highlight that a certain percentage of women would have gone on to miscarry anyway (even without mifopristone) so it's very hard for them to attribute this risk to having had the medication.

I felt that I had already gone too far and took the remaining pills the following day. I am currently living with a lot of sadness and regret. I wish someone had told me that a termination doesn't necessarily reset you to you life as it was and there can be a lot of emotional emptiness that comes with it.

If I were in your shoes (and if I could have my time again), I would try and get an appointment at an early pregnancy unit and with an obstetrician as soon as possible whereby they can perform a scan and other checks to confirm that things are progressing as they should. Doing this on the NHS may require a bit of a wait depending on where you are (noting that you have set yourself a deadline of Monday). If you have private cover or can afford to, booking a private appointment with an obstetrician or private fetal medicine centre would mean you could have the appointment as soon as possible - initial check including scans would be approx £200. Some of them are also open on weekends. Personally I think this is would be well worth it for such an important decision.

I found GP's very out of their depth on these kinds of topics and I think the only person who can give you good reassurance is an experienced obstetrician.

I did find a thread on MN recently where a poster referenced changing her mind half way through a termination and managed to save her baby who was then born healthy, but she did not provide specific details.

Wishing you all the best and thinking of you. x

Hi @Morningcappucino

I really appreciate your response. I should have added that I had a scan a week after the first pill and two weeks after that and growth is as expected. However they can't obviously check for any abnormalities and brain development issues.

The midwife who took my call explained that the first pill (mifopristone) does not cause any birth defects or abnormalities but it can in some cases it can increase the risk of miscarriage.

I have read other threads where people have been told differently. Unfortunately the EPU just said they didn't know, I guess there isn't enough known about it. I don't know if I have the mental strength to cope with the constant worry until birth. Unfortunately I am a very doom and gloom person and always go straight to the worst case scenario.

@AnxietyHelp123 ok I didn't realise you had visited EPU already.

Yes I also saw a thread from a couple of years ago where people were given different advice regarding mifopristone. I had wondered whether the advice has changed as more was now understood about its use.

Did you manage to speak with an experienced obstetrician during your EPU visits though?

If it was a midwife or even a registrar obstetrician, I would inclined to still seek advice from an experienced consultant obstetrician who may be able to put your mind at rest or at least quantify risks so you can make an informed decision.

Totally understand not having the mental strength to continue. I also thought I didn't have the mental strength to continue, but now need the mental strength to overcome my decision which I'm not sure was the right one.

Another thing to consider is that if you don't proceed with this pregnancy, are you in a position to try again if you do decide you want children?

Hi @Morningcappucino,

No, I wasn't able to speak to anyone experienced. I've seen photos omsome have shared from risks regarding the second tablets, which was 1 in 1,000 but I believe little is known about Mifepristone as its rarely taken alone. I don't think I will be able to speak to anyone experienced in time :(

I'm sorry to hear your struggling with your decision; you did the best with the information you had at the time and that's all we can expect from ourselves really.

@AnxietyHelp123 I know you have set yourself a deadline of tomorrow, however I personally would allow a few extra days if you can speak to an experienced obstetrician in that time. If you can afford a private appointment you should definitely be able to see one within 48 hrs assuming you are in or close to a city?

As it turns out I'm seeing an obstetrician tomorrow for a post treatment check up and to ask all the questions I wish I'd ask prior to making my decision but I cannot turn back time now.

Wishing you all the very best with your decision and your journey! Let me know how you get on.

I hope you get the answers you are looking for and they help you move forward @Morningcappucino

@Morningcappucino is your obstetrician appointment an NHS referral or private? I'm struggling to find an avenue.

There is a thread here about this situation with a lovely positive outcome. www.mumsnet.com/talk/pregnancy_choices/4395159-Regret-taking-first-tablet-Is-it-too-late-Please-help

Thank you @Fabuleuse. That is positive to hear.

My GP spoke to a Gynaecology Registar who said they believe the risk to continue is high :(

I would make sure you get the full information on what exactly the risks are that they speak of. I'm far from an expert here but if you Google it, there do not seem to be significant risks of birth defects following exposure to mifepristone eg pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/23346916/

I agree with @Fabuleuse in terms of understanding what risks. For what it's worth I asked my gynaecologist this question. He is head of gynaecology in a major London hospital and is also one of the senior specialists at a Harley Street fertility clinic. His view is that mifopristone primarily introduces miscarriage risk as opposed to impacting the foetus in other ways.

@AnxietyHelp123 not sure if that helps at all but perhaps you have made your decision already. Wishing you the best.

Thank you. @Fabuleuse I am trying to gather information from various sources.

@Morningcappucino I hope the appointment was helpful to you, I really appreciate you responding in what is a difficult time for yourself. I think the gynaecologist comment my GP received was an "I think" based on a quick call, because its an anti-progesterone. I take comfort in what your gynaecologist has said. My local NHS clinic who prescribed the medication said something similar, however I have also found documentation from other NHS boards who have said the opposite. I'd like to think that as I am nearly 4 weeks post the first pill that my risk of miscarriage has levelled out to the normal rate.

I did have some cramping and bleeding which is what is also stressing me, however I'm aware this happens in "normal" pregnancies as well.

Mifepristone taken on its own is not considered to cause foetal abnormality if it doesnt cause abortion. In my experience it is an 'all or nothing' medication. Taken on its own it is only around 80% effective in inducing abortion. If you wish to continue with the pregnancy some docs would suggest taking progesterone supplements up to 15 weeks, similar to the treatment offers to prevent recurrent miscarriage as per the recent NICE guidelines.

Thank you for that information @Theotheroption

Have you taken Mifepristone before or are you in the medical field? I haven't been recommended to take Progesterone, but I think these would need to be prescribed. Another head gynaecologist thought that it would be very unlikely to cause damage when taken at 5 weeks so I can only hope.

Bumping in case anyone else has experience of this.

I am really struggling to sleep and eat at the moment and wonder how long I can continue.

@AnxietyHelp123 progesterone is not offered or recommended by official medical bodies in the UK. It is a practice primarily used in the USA with limited medical research or support. This option often comes up on pro-life websites as opposed to medical websites. There are cases where this has been given in the UK but the practice is frowned upon by the Royal College of Obstetricians and Gynaecologists per the July 2022 article below:

www.rcm.org.uk/media-releases/2022/july/no-reputable-evidence-for-progesterone-use-in-abortion-reversal-say-medical-organisations/

My baby was just born on December after a failed abortion at 9 weeks. I took mifepristone but also took misoprostol, so the risk was higher. But my sunshine is perfectly healthy and just transformed my life. I'm not going to lie to you, my mental health during pregnancy was horrible and felt guilty every moment and was praying that if I did any damage to her at least to be something they can see during before 24 weeks so I can do something... I was paying scans after scans with some good consultants in central London and even so I was worried every single day about her health...to the point that I was having nightmares about giving birth to a baby with abnormalities. If you decide to keep the baby I'm really praying for you and please try to be positive and stay strong. I was so bad mentally that I ended smoking about 30 cigarettes per day, drinking coffee like crazy, it was like a vicious cicle, was smoking because I was worried about her health and then was even more stressed that I did even more damage to her.

Did you have any cramping or bleeding after mifepristone? I feel like its too late for me I was 5 weeks 6 days, still going for the epu scan in two days time but won't take the second lot of tablets even with bleeding at the moment it's basically like a period