Solomom pregnant with twins - can’t cope

[Johanne1982]

I need support and maybe some honest experiences. I have been in fertilitytreatment for almost 3 years alone, have had a missed abortion and failed transfers. Finally pregnant again but found out with identical twins, who share sac and placenta - so many risks in this kind of pregnancy. For loss, for early Labour, for dissabilities due to this. The Doctor gave it 50/50. Because they are like this, they can’t remove one of Them.

i went into fertilitytreatment as a solomom, as I have not found a partner and I am turning 40 in a minute. I am not Well, as I suffer from consequences from an injury 15 years ago. But having 1 child seems responosibly and something I could handle (eventhough 1 child Can be so tough as Well). But 2? This seems so overwhelming. I have had this knot in my stomach since I knew and it feels wrong.

i am giving it time to Think until week 10/11 (2 more weeks) to see if one of the twins Will decline on its own. Then I have to decide if not.

my network is supportive mentally but I have no one healthy or available enough (Old parents, friends with kids of their own) who Can help as much as is needed with twins. I would depend on outside help, i would be so tired, no help at nights, and in pains in my injuries (neck and shoulders) from the double lifting, double diapers, double toddlers, double carseat. I wouldn’t die but my feeling is that I would be very tired and lack energy, more than normal twin parents. How Will this affect my mood, and my twins.

i am feeling this is Way to much for me and I never wanted 2, because I felt like I could offer the World to 1 child. so I am learning towards ending it. But then scared of the psychologically consequences.

i have a few embryos in the freezer and i could handle more retrivals, as this has risen my hope to get pregnant again - but with 1 child.

long story and sorry for my bad English (second laungage). Hope someone understands and maybe been through something similair.

You're smart to worry and think about everything. How old are your parents? Is there any chance you could move in with them for a bit or get them to help? Babies are generally okay once you get to 3 months and then everything gets slightly easier. But I'm more concerned about your health. How bad are your injuries? I'm sorry you're having to be in a tough situation. You will make a decision depending on what's best for you. Please don't feel guilt and give yourself time.

Splitting up identical twins?? That is mad.

Sorry that was in response to oregamisnowballs comment.

sorry you are going through this OP. It will be difficult for you but at least they will have each other when they are older if you do continue with the pregnancy.

Thank you for your concern, all of you.

first if all, i could never split Them up. Never. Makes my heart break more than anything.

my parents are rounding up to 80 and wouldn’t have the energy for me to move in with 2 crying babies. I could move near Them, and they could stop by with food, maybe fold some washing and give a baby a bottle some days a week.

But the pram Will be to heavy for my mom to push alone with 2, and she can’t really lift much without risking hurting her back. If only she could be a Big help or they could take one or two babies for many hours while I sleeped. It’s just like little help but for it to make a difference, i would have to hire outside help. And i feel like its hard to put 2 children into the World, where help is such a Big part of it.

i know one baby also requires help but this just seems easier and if i finally get that baby to Sleep, there wouldn’t be another one waking up.

my injuries are whiplash so my neck Can cause pain and a small TBI, which comes out like fatique and headaches. Things only really sleep Can help. And since i dont have any children yet i can’t say how parenting Will affect me - i know all moms gain superpowers but how Will i cope. We just dont know.

i find all the risks in the pregnancy tough as Well, premature babies and maybe some difficulties after that. Or they could be totally healthy, but all i have are ideas of whats its going to be like, i dont know anything for a fact.

thnak you for understanding how difficult this is. I still haven’t decided but i am thinking about if this is the right thing to go forward with or if i should keep trying for 1 baby.

I think if you were 30, your chances of another successful ivf would have been very good. As you’re 40, you’ll have to factor in realistically this might be your only successful ivf.

having a baby is a bit of a shock initially, from lack of sleep if nothing else. But after 2 months it gets better, and even better after 4 and so on, as they start to sleep more at night.

I don’t think having 2 will be a massive difference. I used to put baby in pram and go for a walk and a coffee when it was nap time during the day. All babies fall asleep with movement. So nap problem solved. Plus it gets you refreshed and out of the house.

at night time I gave the breast, didn’t have to get out of bed, prepare formula etc, I don’t think I would have been physically able to, tbh. So apart from waking quite often, it was comfortable. It was painful breastfeeding for the first week, as I didn’t have it in me to correct the baby”s latch, but then it was all good.

I have friends with twins and the twins comfort each other, play together, sleep together (so you don’t have to sleep with them, I did that with My daughter until she was 3!, she wouldn’t have it any other way, so my sleep improved only to an extent), so in some aspects it’s easier.

you just have to have to “survive” the first few months. But that is the same with having one baby only. It was a huge shock for me, maybe bc I used to enjoy long sleeps.