TTC 5 months after termination

[scaredandanxious01]

Please no judgement, I feel bad enough about this whole thing already. I had a termination in June this year for a variety of practical/financial reasons. I regret my decision hugely because we had loosely planned to TTC around now anyway IF our situation had been right, but back in summer it was all so uncertain. The reasons we terminated have now all resolved, and I wish I could turn the clock back and have kept my earlier pregnancy but I can't. Somehow it feels wrong to be thinking about TTC when just a few months ago I made that agonising decision. I feel like it makes me a terrible person to even consider it. Thing is, we are both mid 30s so we don't have long to delay things. Anyone else been in a similar situation at all?

Hi sorry I was supposed to reply earlier but I didn't have time to write everything. I'll write it gradually.

I had a termination in June too due to HG. I remember your posts but not sure if you remember mine. I immediately wanted to try again and we did but luckily God didn't give me a child until I got pregnant again in October. I immediately had the same feelings like last time the stress and anxiety from finding out I was pregnant and then dealing with HG. I felt so stupid conceiving again and thought I should have been happy with 2. This was between weeks 3-8. Once I passed the stage I had the termination 8 weeks 2 days and had my first midwife appointment. All those feelings lifted and I'm glad I'm having this baby and coping with hg a bit better. My 1 year old is still old but a little more independent which helps.

For you there's no harm in conceiving if you really want a baby. Just make sure you have some support as the earlier weeks till I saw a midwife I was hoping for a miscarriage and thought no way can I terminate again. I'd never forgive myself. I think it's pregnancy hormones that really get the better of our thoughts in those early stages. I'll write more later sorry struggling with nausea. I'm here for you though.

*not old I meant she's still one

One thing I've decided is due to the HG this will be my final baby. I do understand my reasons to terminate back then and have forgiven myself. Please don't feel bad. You might have been feeling a different way back them.

Also for some strange reason I haven't told anyone about my pregnancy yet and I feel so relaxed that way. When you tell people and they pass comments that can affect your mind especially when you're feeling so many emotions in pregnancy.

Thank you @heartbroken22 yep I remember your posts too. I Remember reading your latest update that you were pregnant again. If I do TTC and get pregnant I will definitely keep it quiet, only a few essential people knew of the termination but I wouldn’t even tell those I was pregnant until 12 weeks or whenever required. It’s such a hard time, I wish I had known I’d feel this way at the time and I 100% wouldn’t have made the same decision. Hope you are doing well and your sickness is manageable x

I think it's okay to feel how you're feeling because I felt the same and felt guilt. But I remember you said you had health problems. That's a valid reason. Having a baby can be scary with health problems. I had high blood pressure and was so scared. Sometimes having gone through a termination makes you stronger almost a fighter that no next time I won't do this I'm going to be strong (even though our reasons for termination don't make us week). If you're ready to have a child then there's no harm trying. Good luck and please be kind to yourself. You made that choice as a mother caring about what state/health she would bring her baby into the world. That's not selfish or something to feel guilty about it's brave and caring. Once you conceive you may feel better. I had a miscarriage and then conceived baby no 2 and it made me feel better its the same with this pregnancy following termination.

Just one piece of advice. Write some notes to yourself that you can read when you are pregnant. You need a voice of reason especially at the start when you see a positive test. It can be scary and you forgot why you wanted a baby. It sounds weird but it's true.

Hey,
I had a termination roughly 9 years ago at 9.2 weeks.
I have a little girl that is 8 since and am now 32 weeks pregnant with my third daughter. Me and my partner tried for this baby, its happened very quickly on the first cycle BUT even though she was planned I still panicked and thought dark thoughts about if it was the right thing to do. I'm so excited now for her arrival next month! I think it's natural to panick, having children is a HUGE choice which changes your entire lives. If you didn't have a million things running thr9ygh your head or have little doubts then I don't think people thought it through properly!!
It's a life cha ginger decision that's not taken lightly and sometimes the reality can hit us harder then the thoughts!
Good luck in your journey TTC, do not let ANYONE guilt trip you out of your own decisions for YOUR body. Xx

Thought I'd come back and update especially if anyone in the future is searching for this topic. I still haven't got the guts to TTC, DH is desperate to and I do feel like I am psyching myself up more each month. I just feel guilty. My fertile window starts again next week and I really want to go for it. So scared and overthinking everything!

How long did it take for your period to start again?

@Graciehere I had a period 4 weeks after my medical termination, it can take longer than this though. My termination was at 4.5 weeks, so very early, I think this helped my period get back to normal so quickly.

Shameless update/bump for my own thread. Finally hoping to TTC either next cycle or the one after that. What would have been my due date has been and gone and mentally I think that has helped me move on.

I’d love to know how things have turned out for you? I’m considering a MA due to timing/readiness of me and OH, and could do with a bit of hope of TTC down the line.

@34andlost I am so sorry to hear you are in the same predicament and hope you have the time and support available to make the right decision for you.

We started TTC 12 months after the termination, I was lucky enough to fall pregnant on the second month and our baby is now coming up to 8 months old. I’m glad I gave myself that 12 months to feel properly healed mentally from the termination. I love him to pieces, and I made sure I was aware before we TTC that a new baby wouldn’t replace the pregnancy we didn’t keep and wouldn’t stop the grief/sadness for that particular pregnancy.

Sending you love and wishing you all the best whatever you decide, there is no universally right or wrong thing to do in any situation and only you can make the right choice for your life.