I don’t know what to do

[Blondie555]

I know nobody can give me the answers but I have nobody irl to turn to. I’m just over 7 weeks pregnant due to a failed pill (I missed 2 in a row last month)
the father is someone who I was seeing but he ended things before we knew I was pregnant. He has never wanted children and his stance after I told him was it would ruin his life if I kept it. He didn’t tell me to have an abortion but that’s what he wants me to do.
i spoke to bpas, she asked if I wanted children (I do and im 36 years old with none) she asked if anybody else could support me other than him (my parents would) I still asked for the termination and she sent me the pills. I haven’t taken them yet.
Deep down I want to keep it. But I feel that it’s wrong bringing a child into the world when the father doesn’t want it and I feel guilty for forcing him to be a father. I don’t know how I will be able to bring myself to take the mifepristone knowing there will be no going back but on the other hand I don’t want to be alone with a baby. The loneliness with no partner to share the highs and lows.

Have you spoken to your Mum? Or the BPAS counsellor?

Oh your poor heart!! Please know that your wishes are every bit as important as his. Why would having a child "ruin his life?" Because he doesn't want to pay child support? You're not even still with him, so his opinion should not sway you in your decision. From what you say, you want a child, you're not getting any younger, you have a supportive family, and you could give this baby a loving home. It may be your last chance to have a child of your own and I'm sure you know that. I think that if you do abort this wanted baby, you will have to deal with years of grief and regret. If you feel guilty about having this baby against your ex's wishes, you could tell him that you release him from having any involvement in the child's life (although if he changes his mind you could alter the agreement). Of course if you need the financial support he is obligated to pay (different countries have different laws, I'm not sure where you live right now). Nothing can prepare you for how much you will love your baby! Your child could be a blessing in disguise. Your whole life is about to change, and I'm guessing that after the baby arrives, you will not be able to imagine life without him or her. And you can always have a new relationship, find someone who loves you like you deserve to be loved, and then your baby can have a good stepfather, if things turn out that way. There's no reason to assume you'll be alone forever, and having family to help out is huge. I hope you'll have the courage and inner strength to make the choice that your heart and mind are telling you to make. Hope to hear back from you!