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Pregnancy choices

Pregnant at 41 with number 4!

2 replies

MakingLifeBetter · 20/11/2022 08:17

Help, sage mothers!

I have a 7, 5 and 19m. I’m 41 and just found out I’m early-days pregnant with no4. We weren’t trying but I didn’t feel ready to close this chapter in my life. I was content with my first two, and then no3 came along in a challenging way (difficult pregnancy, c section after lying transverse, and my first postnatal depression which lasted 11m), but I adore him soooo much. And soon after he arrived I imagined doing it all over again.

I’m worried about:
my age, but will have harmony test. My age regarding how old I’ll be when baby is grown up and also complications - risks for baby mainly. We are blessed with three healthy children.
Finances - when no3 came along there was no cost of living crisis. Our finances have taken a plunge since no3 as I haven’t been able to work much as I’m looking after him so much (which is wonderful but we have zero savings, can just about pay mortgage and bills).
Other people. Our families have made it clear their thoughts on us having any more - that we’d be mad. They see us struggling with three. Friends too will not understand. Most of my friends have two or none!
We don’t have much family help as my lovely mum is getting older so can only handle the older two (who are wonderful).

Am I utterly selfish to be wanting a number 4? My husband also worried about money and my health but is open to idea of it.

I’ll be just turned 42 when baby arrives. And I realise it could disappear as v early days.

oh, and another thing… my best friend has been Ttc her first for a couple of years and had a horrible loss last year… she fell pregnant the exact same time as me and is also 4-5w pregnant. Obviously I don’t want to tell her just yet about me as I want to focus on her joy but also her understandable anxiety.

Thanks for any advice

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heartbroken22 · 20/11/2022 12:37

Hi just wanted to say don't care what others think. This your journey your life and what you guys want. Not your friends. Don't care what they think.

You will come to a decision yourself don't worry just trust yourself.

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OrigamiSnowball · 20/11/2022 14:21

I agree with heartbroken that you should not consider anyone else's opinion when making your decision. You are the only one who will have to live with the choice you make-- not them. They will move on to the next drama in a week, so don't give them a second thought. I used to teach karate classes and there were families with one child all the way to six children, and each one was a unique and beautiful family. I'm so glad to hear that your "surprise" third baby has found a place in your family's hearts, and there's no reason to think the fourth one wouldn't be the same way. At your age there is a 40-50% chance of miscarriage so you might want to leave it up to the universe and see if the pregnancy works out. You can also see if you qualify for child care aid if you do want to go back to work before all your children are in school. And you have to ask yourself if you think you could emotionally cope with an abortion. For some, they seem to carry on okay, but for others it's a constant source of grief and sadness. Don't rush your decision, and it's not selfish to have another baby. You already know how much we love our children, and that life is a gift. Take care and hope to hear back from you!

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