HELP! unplanned pregnancy

[KRM321]

hiya, just found out i’m pregnant i already have 2 DC and really thought we was done with having anymore babies. my husband is unhappy and thinks we should terminate but said it’s my decision. i’m really not sure what to do.
having another baby would finically screw us up and we would really struggle but i can’t see myself having an abortion. i feel super emotional and just don’t know what i should do.

It's perfectly normal to feel like this. Give yourself time to let it sink in. How would your children feel with another sibling? I asked mine and it made me feel better. Have a chat with your husband again.

Hi KRM, I totally understand, an unplanned pregnancy is a shock like few others. It's not a small thing to evaluate whether you think you can emotionally handle an abortion. I'm the same way, I can't imagine doing that, especially since I already have a child and would always wonder about the one I terminated. You might want to discuss with your husband some kind of permanent birth control so that this doesn't happen again, and have your last baby. I have had two friends in your situation, where an unexpected third child came along, and though it was a really hard decision, they both decided to keep the baby, and now nobody can imagine those families without their youngest. Just keep the communication going because even though he said it's up to you, you don't want him to be sulky or resentful if you decide to go through with the pregnancy. Just be honest about how you feel and talk it through together. But you will be the one that has to live with the final decision. I hope you'll be able to think this through with a clear head and heart. All my best to you.

thank you for your replies, spoke with husband and he isn’t budging he just can’t see our lives with another baby. i’m so worried that what ever choice i make will break me or our marriage. one minute i think it will all be fine and the next i’m crying coz i really don’t want to ruin my family.

Maybe you can get someone to mediate conversation between you two like a therapist, pastor, or other counselor. This is too important a choice to feel pushed into, or to not understand where each other is coming from. I've seen soo many situations where the woman felt like she had to abort to please her partner, and then resentment follows. I don't want that to happen to you. No one should feel forced into an abortion.

Hi,

Firstly just sending you love- this decision is the hardest. I was in a very similar position last year and making the call was the hardest thing I've ever done. Just sharing my experience in case it helps. I found making lists of pros and cons and really trying to imagine each scenario helped. But I went back and forth with it so many times. In the end the reason I chose to have an abortion was ultimately feeling my mental & physical health would suffer and affect my existing children if I went ahead. Financially it would have been a real struggle for us but it was more the impact on my ability to be the mum I want to be that did it for me. The abortion was physically fine but emotionally so hard at the time, and I have had waves of grief surface since, especially 9 months later. But despite that, I am so sure it was the right choice for me and our family.

But I would say if you do want the baby despite difficult circumstances and and feel you could cope- I'd say really listen to that. Don't let your partner sway you as it is you who will deal with the emotional consequences. But also, if you do make the decision to have an abortion, for your own reasons, know that you will be OK.

Why does it feel like you want to keep the baby? I've read your post again and again and if that's how you feel then keep it. You initially said husband said it's your choice. So why are you scared? Trust yourself. If you want to keep that baby and terminate for your husband you'll resent him. If you keep the baby then is your husband really that cold hearted to break a marriage?

thank you everyone for your replies they have helped more then you know. we spoke about it all and we have decided that we will go ahead with the pregnancy i think the shock of it all just made me feel super confused and vulnerable. now we have many months of arguing over names lol thank you all so much i appreciate it so much xx

Congratulations to you, KRM. I'm so glad you and your partner were able to talk this through. I grew up with two sisters and it was really nice, we're still very close now that we are all in our 40's. I hope your pregnancy and delivery go smoothly and wish you all the best in this new chapter in your life. All my best to you!